Election Bingo, Rideau Hall Edition

Here we are, Possums, outside Rideau Hall which once more has a Governor-General in residence, even though it isn’t me. Alas. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE PEOPLE BUT NOOOOO.

But I’m over that.

Ella-Grace, Sophie, Justin, and Hadrien Trudeau walk to Rideau Hall to meet the Governor General prior to her dissolving Parliament and calling an election.
Ella-Grace, Sophie, Justin, and Hadrien Trudeau walk to Rideau Hall to meet the Governor General prior to her dissolving Parliament and calling an election.

Let’s get straight into it, because as usual I’ve left the blogging to the last minute. So here’s our video of the PM visiting the GG to ask her to dissolve Parliament (which is on vacation anyway) and call an election. Two days ago the Conservatives released a Not Officially Campaign Video on Twitter, one which was greeted with enthusiasm and relief. By everyone who opposes the Conservative Party. Because that thing is a mortifying clusterfuck. An expensive, mortifying clusterfuck produced by pricy foreign consultants that got ratioed all to hell on Twitter.


And yesterday the Liberal campaign ad leaked or was handed to FactPointVideo (whoever they are) and posted on YouTube:

Oh oops, was he not supposed to do that? Was that bad?

Hey, mark your “Got your backs” square already! Shall we get into it? Let’s get into it, Possums.

No new Bingo cards for today, but we’ve got ten already from our Covid Briefing Bingo, so let’s use them.

Here is our video, with only 173 people watching. It’s not even the first day of the election and it seems like people are OVER it.

And here are our cards:

The Liberal Party is insisting all their candidates and staffers be vaccinated, and the Conservatives insist that media be vaccinated, and the help, but not their candidates, just for the record.


Now for some more filler from Twitter:

Bad news for photo-ops!
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau waves a flag as he takes part in the annual Pride Parade in Toronto on Sunday, July 3, 2016. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Mark Blinch

Jeez look who tweets in meetings.

Do these streeters on CPAC really interest viewers? If I wanted to know what a lot of random Canadians think about things I’ve done more research than them on, I’d just go to my family reunion.

Just from the walk to Rideau Hall from Rideau Cottage, you can mark your Blue Suit square, Mask, Maple Leaf Accessory, and Sophie squares. I think we’re gonna need a Hadrien square, too. He’s got the biggest fanbase in the whole fam-damily. At first I thought Hadrien was scratching his butt, but no, he’s just got his hand behind his back.

Don’t lock Scotty out! People, what are you doing! Can’t have an event like this without the official photographer. Why do you think even the kids got dressed up? Duh.

Well, mostly dressed up.

Of COURSE the Conservative talking head on CPAC has a Luftwaffe haircut. At least he’s apparently intelligent and capable. The NDP commenter is reaching and it’s painful to watch her try to hit her talking points. The NDP talking head is exactly the wrong kind of strident to attract votes. She’ll reassure strident NDP lifers, yes, but she’s not going to change anyone’s mind or earn the respect of anyone who isn’t already an NDP lifer. She complains about an Indigenous woman who “has chlorine in her body” when, of course, we ALL do, because it’s in tap water all over Canada. That is not how you win the clean water on reserves debate, woman.

The media scrum outside Rideau Hall is far whiter and maler than the actual House of Commons. Which is part of the problem here.

Expect that the conservatives will bitch that Sophie is wearing a pantsuit. They love them some legs, except when they belong to Freeland.

It’s very clear that the phrase I’m going to utter more than any other this election season is “FUCKING GUTENBERG”. So, thanks for that, WordPress.

We’ve got the post up. Thank god for long pauses. It’s like at weddings when the bridal party goes off to a room in the church to sign the register and everyone sits around going “Did you see the dress on Louise? My god, it screams Divorcee.”

This is the un-snappiest snap election in Canadian history. Do these streeters on CPAC really interest viewers?

And we’re off, people. Mark “Begins in English” and “Blue Suit”. Also, “Cleanshaven” “Mask” and “Maple leaf accessory.” Mark your “CBC Cadence” square as well. Clearly we need an “Afghanistan” square as well.

Definitely no Botox detected. Interestingly, the discussion of Afghanistan was in English and the actual announcement of the election is in French, whereupon he drops back into English. Election officially September 20 as expected.

Mark your “Who we are” square, bigly. And your “Got your backs” square, but not your “got your nose” square. Some day!

Is he using the Royal We?

Okay, mark “Shades Kenney/Alberta” with that crack about no province being allowed a pass on pollution. It’s ON!

Mark Building Back Better, and Got Your Backs again, and Vaccines squares. And Keeping Canadians Safe like four times.

Framing the election as “Making sure you get your say at this historic moment” is EXTREMELY smart. “To the other parties, please explain why you don’t think Canadians should have the choice.”

On to questions, first up @TondaMacC about why call the election now. And it gets you another “building back better” as well as a reiteration of “this is an historic moment and you should have a say.” Wow, it gets you “building back better” in both official languages. And MacCharles does NOT look impressed, and asks if he fails to get a majority, will he resign? Which he doesn’t answer, just hits some obviously prerehearsed talking points about Covid precautions.

Now @AshleyBurkeCBC asks why an election NOW. Basically all the reporters will have the same question. Trudeau responds that it’s because this moment is so fraught that we need an election, to get Canadians to weigh in. Yes, let’s just come out and say this election is not about the coming four years or so; it’s about the last seventeen months, it’s about Justin Trudeau’s handling of the pandemic, and not about any other thing on Earth. Followup question is about “but why NOOOOOOOW?” when the situation in Afghanistan is blowing up. Which, of course, is irrelevant to whether or not Canada has a federal election, but is a news point.

Specific question about what, exactly, Canada is going to do for Afghanistan, the Afghani people, Canadians in Afghanistan and mark your “Shout out to the Military” which we haven’t had since he thanked them for their help in LTC homes. Followup question is that with the embassy evacuated, exactly how are you going to help evacuate those who have worked with Canadians and refugees? And gets a non-specific, Trudeauian answer about “we will continue to work with people.”

CP asks “for the third time” whether, if he gets a minority government, will he resign. He’s a Trudeau, what the fuck do YOU think? Also, mark “Building back better” twice more.

Oooh, and mark the coveted “Pushes back hair” square. Haven’t seen that for awhile.

There’s your “From Coast to Coast to Coast” which we haven’t seen in literal months. Oh, and mark your “fails to translate the answer into the other official language.” Mark it repeatedly.

“The answer to tyranny is to have an election.” That’s a smart way to frame it. Because we are certainly facing tyranny from the far right. Also mark your “Building Back Better” for I think the seventh time? I don’t know who this No Fucks To Give reporter in the visor and printed shirt is, but I like her.

Again, it’s very good to see the election framed as a way to oppose fascism and tyranny. Very smart, and when you stop and think about it, literally accurate. And we have never needed to oppose fascism at home more than now.

And that’s a wrap, people! We’re off to the races. Not many people doubt the Liberals will take this one, but anything could happen between now and September 20.

God knows I hear that one. My current plan involves knocking over a bank prior to Labour Day.

Meanwhile, in the broader world, Flashman is about to have a comeback.


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