Category Archives: Blogging

operation global media domination: victory!

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Seriously, you have no idea how important!

Welcome, the curious and unbanned.

TIAWell it took them long enough.

On the other hand, it’s palpably quite a lot better for hits than NOT being banned, so I won’t complain too much. Yes, today Gawker, Defamer, Gridskipper, Consumerist, et al, al, in fact, of Nick Denton‘s bloggy empire, joined the illustrious ranks of … hell, what WAS the name of that fan board? Only Orlando Plus! that’s right, thanks to the editors of Gawker they now stand side by side with a defunct Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen fansite.

They have banned me.

I should probably be hurt by being called “stunningly unfunny” by the people who write TO DO, blog pet cuteness stakes, and Unsolicited, who are, as you can see from their posts, experts on the subject, but strangely, I am not. (I do cop to the ubiquity, though. Yep, they so totally nailed me there. ETA comma abuse: they didn’t even mention comma abuse!)

And today, I am up a significant percentage in hits. To the Twin Hermiones (and Balk) I say thank you. And good-bye.

Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven
(will miss Defamer though; that’s gonna hurt!)

PS: Update here. Being unbanned is nowhere near as good as being banned, hitwise. I’ll try to make the best of it.

quiz: how fucking awesome are you?

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Pretty fucking awesome if you wrote this quiz. It just may be the most awesome quiz ever written. Here’s a sample question:

6. Someone has left an orphan at your doorstep. What do you do?

  • I wipe my feet on it and walk inside. 
  • I cradle it tenderly and whisper quiet words of nurturing. Then punt it. 
  • I force it to fight a cage match with another orphan in order to obtain food, then inform it that the food is the corpse of their defeated orphan opponent. HAHA AWESOME! 
  • I do something which is neither cruel nor cool. I am a big chunk of fresh-roasted lame.

You are 81% awesome!

You’re awesome. You could be a hired assassin or secret agent, preferably any job that requires killing. Although at this level of awesome, you probably kill for fun, just to stay in shape. You could shake Chuck Norris’ hand. Do not look him in the eyes.

How Awesome Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz
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Technorati me!

1812: the rematch online

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True Patriot Love... 

It’s that special time of year, the time we all look forward to, the time when wishes come true.

The time when we get to lord it over Americans.

The time when Yahoo releases its top searches for each country. Le voila!

 Canadian Searches

  1. NHL Canadian, obviously
  2. FIFA World Cup International, obviously. And we even know what the game is called!
  3. American Idol Yank wannabe celebrity wank
  4. Rock Star Supernova ditto Canadian rock star reality show
  5. WWE I have no idea what this is and if I did, I’d pretend I didn’t: it just sounds tacky. Everything with two W’s in the acronym sounds like something Joe Weider was involved in, and that just reeks of klass-with-a-kapital-k. Even if he was from Montreal.
  6. Neopets Wholesome kid’s site
  7. Revenue Canada Canuckistani bagmen who give us homework
  8. Days of Our Lives Yank soap opera. But it does take place on the Great Lakes, which is as good as on the border. The characters are all dull and hence, closet Canadians.
  9. Environment Canada Canuckistan is way green, y’all
  10. Jessica Simpson Even Canadians like to watch synthetic Barbies in tight dresses, it seems. At least this one can sing, more or less.

U.S. Searches

  1. Britney Spears Twatflasher
  2. WWE see Canadian list
  3. Shakira Columbian hottie singer/dancer of some talent
  4. Jessica Simpson Overly-produced, silicone and restylane enhanced singer/actress of moderate talent, known for taking it up the butt from Johnny Knoxville
  5. Paris Hilton Twatflasher, porn star, celebutard
  6. American Idol See Canadian list
  7. Beyoncé Knowles former Destiny’s Child, sleeping with Jay-Z
  8. Chris Brown who?
  9. Pamela Anderson Canadian actress, porn tape star, serial large-penis marrying tabloid dream
  10. Lindsay Lohan Started the Twatflashing vogue.

Next year, anyone want to bet the #1 will be “Beaver shots?” Canada wins either way.

Karla upskirt shots any day now

hinterland’s who’s who: raincoaster

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Tagged!Like a roving orca, raincoaster has been tagged. Fortunately for the tagger, she had just eaten and wasn’t feeling particularly carnivorous, or she’d have gone all Shamu on his ass.

The chain lett- I mean “meme” is this: List six things about yourself that are weird (then tag six more people).

I know! I laughed and laughed.

Name six things about me that are NOT weird; that’s what I call a challenge.

Thing One About Me That Is Weird:
I still know the floorplan to Krak des Chevaliers, left over from my castle-obsessed phase when I was 12.

Thing Two About Me That Is Weird:
Twice I’ve been flown to another country by strangers who just liked what I wrote on the Internet and decided to buy me a ticket. Both times I met movie stars: Viggo Mortensen (three times, actually) and John Cleese.

Thing Three About Me That Is Weird:
I have a a collection of Christmas ghost stories that runs over a thousand pages.

Thing Four About Me That Is Weird And Here Is How Weird I Am, That It Only Occurs To Me Now:
I know Willy Pickton, the serial killer.

Thing Five About Me That Is Weird:
I can tell from the sound the seagulls make whether there is a bald eagle in the area. Seriously, I’m some kind of Downtown EastSide Grizzly Adams.

Thing Six About Me That Is Weird:
I can recite all of Jabberwocky as well as a large selection of other poetry and prose-poetry in English and several other languages, and do so at sound checks to intimidate the people who just say “test, test, one, two, three…”

It works, too.

Hmm, now who to pass this chain le- I mean MEME on to…

operation global media domination: didja miss me?

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Apparently, not in the slightest. As long as you’ve got beaver shots to keep you company, you’re happy as clams (or oysters; pick a metaphor). I haven’t posted anything meaningful in more than two days, and I’m still getting 100+ hits per hour.

Welcome pervs.

I can guarantee you that this using-raincoaster-to-get-to-Britney‘s-snail-trail isn’t going to be putting raincoaster in a good mood, and when she finally does post (there, now you’ve done it! She’s referring to herself in the third person! Happy now?) she’s going to be cranky as a sack of drunken wolverines. You may wish to update your virus, Cruciatus Curse, and broadsword protections now…