Whichever one of you came here through a search for “why michael j. fox pleasures his fans,” you need to talk to me, baby.
What did you hear, when did you hear it, who has he pleasured, and, most importantly, how is he?
< tastelessness > some of us have been looking for a way to combine the perfect man and the perfect vibrator for a very long time < / endtastelessness >
Brian Atene, 20, Aug 16, 1963 and then they broke the mold
A brief refresher before we begin.
You all remember Brian Atene, bad audition posterboy and internet laughingstock for the video he made to convince Stanley Kubrick (CUE-brick) to give him the lead in Full Metal Jacket. Naturally, in a smarmy culture where everyone’s a comedian, it wasn’t long before someone made a series of viciously amusing Brian Atene: the Chubby Years videos to bring us up to speed on our hero.
What separates Brian Atene from David Hasselhoff? One thing, ladies and gentlemen: staying power. If David Hasselhoff were an internet laughingstock, you can bet your sweet bippy that it would be David Hasselhoff and nobody else who would make the mocking “where are they now” video, and he’d be up until the wee hours, uploading that puppy to YouTube and, for all I know, favoriting it under eight hundred different usernames.
Brian Atene is no David Hasselhoff.
But Denny Blazin Hazen is.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Denny Blaze, circa 1986. Don’t laugh: you wore those ridiculous pants too, didn’t you?
It’s okay. Breathe. Breathe. Nobody’s going to make you mousse your mullet if you don’t want to. Just relax.
Now see what Denny Blaze has done in response to that video’s 546,401 views, 326 comments, and 1083 times favorited.
He’s owned it.
I am now solidly on Team Average Homeboy! Bonus points that he’s kept in shape, too. Looks better than generational icon and sex scandaliste Rob Lowe, who’s starting to get that Keef look around the eyes, and for good reason from what I hear.
Seriously, I need the help.
Ever since WordPress switched my URL from raincoaster.wordpress.com to raincoaster.com my hits have walked right off a cliff and straight down a deep well (momentary buoyance provided by Brian Atene and Even Stevphens notwithstanding). I don’t know why this is: have I suddenly become dull? Have I stopped posting? Hell to the no!
So I’m going to assume it has something to do with the links. When in doubt, blame the technology.
If those of you who’ve put me in your blogroll could switch it over to raincoaster.com instead, you’d be doing me a favour. And in the future, please use the current raincoaster.com URLs. No sense racing a dead horse, even if it outranks the live one.
While I do get a modest thrill of learning that I’ve gone up 900,000 places on Technorati since the start of this changeover, I still have another 100,000 places to go to regain my ground, and that means another 75 links, minimum. Sigh.
Back to looking for more damn Narnia porn.
That title’s not going to rock the Top Blogs list any time soon, I know, but it’s the only title I can think to give this.
As you may or may not know, WordPress’s administration pages (the “backstage” of our blogs) feature many nifty ways to connect with other WordPress bloggers, my favorite being the Most Recently Updated list. You can see who posted it, and what the post is called, and if they have an avatar you can see that too, enabling me to avoid those who use CareBears or Angelina Jolie in her self-cutting phase. I click on these blogs quite a few fair times per day, being as I am both curious and competitive, and they have brought you delights such as our friend Samaha and the bicephalic brunet beauty of Michael J. Fox and George Stephanopoulos earlier today. Sigh. Where was I?
Right.
So tonight I clicked on one of the most recently updated blogs. The words “Social Boycott in Karnataka” don’t mean much to me; I know what a boycott is, but I didn’t know what a social boycott is…perhaps you all party while not-buying the thing you’re not-buying together? Sounded jolly to me.
And I had no idea where Karnataka is, except that it sounds like somewhere Carnacki the Magician would have been from, and we are highly way fond of Carnacki here at the ol’ raincoaster blog.
Well, let me just show you the introductory paragraph and let you connect the dots, if you can, between your doorstep and these ones.
Kadkol is a village in Basavannabagewadi Taluka in Bijapur District.
Basavannabagewadi is the birth place of famous saint Basavanna, who fought against the evil caste system in the medieval period.
It is a centre of pilgrimage for Lingayat caste. In the village of Kadkol, 400 families of Lingayats, 10 Muslim families, 50 Baijentries, 1 family of Dhangars, 3 families of Kauravis, 93 families of Holayas and 50 families of Madigas live. This is the caste configuration of the village Kadkol. In the entire Taluk of Basavannabagewadi, the untouchability is severely practiced in all its forms and colours. Many years the Scheduled caste people have been denied access to all the public places. However in the schools the untouchability is not practiced. Out of 93 families of Holayas, who belong to Scheduled Caste, 8 families have land holding and that is marginal (less than 2 acres). The land is rain fed. Out of this population of scheduled castes, there are 3 graduates. One of them is working as a Police Inspector and another one is working as a Bus conductor. The remaining graduate person is living in the village itself. The rest of the people belonging to the Scheduled Caste are agricultural landless laborers and 15 of them are bonded laborers. Out of these 15 bonded laborers, 7 are child labourers.
That’s right, people have leased out their children and in some cases they’ve grown to adulthood still under the yoke of these indentures.
Social boycott, it turns out, is nothing more than a brutal and potentially fatal ostracization of the so-called Untouchables, of the type which was outlawed in India in 1950.
The well these people had used has been lowered by drought to a level where it is unsafe to drink, so they began taking water from the public (goverment-installed) well. Other castes immediately began treating the public water as unclean, washing their livestock in it, using it for ahem, personal cleansing, etc. The Untouchables appealed to the authorities, and in return received a stern reminder of their proper place:
The scheduled caste villagers brought everything in the notice of District administration of Bijapur and also of sitting MLA, Shivaputra Desai of BJP. They could not stop the caste Hindus from committing these atrocities. The caste used to threatened the scheduled castes villagers by reminding them of a incidence of violence that occurred in 1946 in a village called “Sasanur”. In this village Sasanur, 50 scheduled castes belonging to Holayas were burnt alive. Even today there is no single Holaya in Sasanur village. Notably, Sasanur is just 20 kms away from Kadkol.
As seems usual in these cases, the law proceeds apace, the government proclaims, various lawyers and advocates on either side assert their assertions, and in the meantime nothing changes in the village. There’s a showdown of sorts scheduled for the 13th of November; I may check back then. But I’d be very optimistic to do so, I think, and lo, I am never very optimistic.
Prove me wrong, India.
Yes, it’s in Texas. The Lone Star State, often called (behind its back) the Lone Brain Cell State, has a new, cybersavvy, distributed, astroturfy initiative designed to protect ‘Merkins from the dreaded Brown Plague.
As part of the Virtual Neighborhood Border Watch Program, the State of Texas has been testing video surveillance cameras in different environments along the 1240 miles of Texas/Mexico border using the internet to transmit the images. The last stage of the test is to stress the system by providing public access to numerous surveillance cameras.
Thank you for helping test this important capability.
To be part of the program you will need to have a user account. To get a user account click in the blue box on the right side of the screen.
NOTICE: You must turn off any pop-up blockers for this site. You may be asked to update your computer with software that allows you to view the video.
Microsoft Internet Explorer is required to utilize this web site. Firefox is not supported.
You could sorta see that last bit coming, couldn’t you?
They certainly try to give the site a down-home feel with the lingo: “Frequenty-asked questions” just for one example. Is this the proper place to mention that I’ve been trying for two days to view a video off Webcameron, and that none of my free players (or, for that matter, the Windows Media Player) will play the damn thing? The only options are all commercial ones: iTunes, Quicktime, and Realplayer (no, I’m not joking, godforsaken Realplayer!). No, I don’t know why my computer won’t play Quicktime, but I’ve re-installed it seven times and it simply will not work on this box. None of my four working video players will touch this file with a ten foot pole. So it looks like I was right: while Cameron may wish to hug hoodies, he has no wish to empower them. Unless, that is, he’s working on a Right to iPod platform: that would definitely get him elected!
