Happy Boxing Day from Julian, me, and General Ursus

Santa Assange

Santa Assange

Ah, Julian, you could slide down my chimney any time. Why, the very thought drives me positively Christmas crackers.

Julian Assange Christmas Crackers

Julian Assange Christmas Crackers

And speaking of interesting headgear, here’s raincoaster favorite Brian Atene with the world’s greatest holiday video in all time and space.

Brian Atene: Staying Gold

Brian Atene contemporary

Brian Atene didn't turn out so bad after all

Someday I’ll go through and edit all my old Brian Atene posts (I used to be THE source for Brian Atene information online, having once gotten a shout-out from Atene himself on a video), but that day is not today.

For today, I was awoken at about 6am after falling asleep at 4, and awoken in my least favorite way at that: by someone else’s cat galloping across my face and, specifically, over my eyelid, with its claws out, a fact which anyone nearby can determine by looking at the five long scratch marks on my face right now. They’re extra-super-visible because of the glossy antibiotic cream I’ve spread over them in a layer thick enough to double as an air bag, in case of car crash. And as yesterday I was awoken at 6am by galloping cats as well, after falling asleep again at 4 like any decent, normal, non-cat-owning person, this does not take me to my happy place. It takes me to that place where I can stare at people, listening intently to what they’re saying to me, and actually comprehend not one syllable; nay, not even so much as to be able to identify the language except after careful reverse-thought-engineering.

“Well, it was Doug who was talking to me, and Doug only speaks English, therefore it must have been English!” I think with a great deal of relief once I finally work it out. “Now, I wonder what in hell he was talking about?”

But enough about me (can you ever get enough?). It’s time to talk about Brian Atene, Superman Vodka, Trigger, Google, AOL, and me (again).

Longtime readers of the ol’ raincoaster blog will be familiar with our longtime Ateniac status, dating all the way back since 2006, when the vintage Good Day Mister Kubrick audition tape hit the internet, and hit it hard. I’ve posted his more contemporary videos on this blog and virtually any other blog I could get my hands on even so much as the comments section. So far, so what, right? You either love Atene or you identify with him so strongly you can’t stand the sight of him because all those things about yourself that you’d change if you were a better, stronger, richer, younger person? He is all about those things, three cheers and pass the Nembutal.

And, about once every two years, he signs in to YouTube, finds a camel’s-back-breaking-straw comment and deletes all his videos, leaving me with vast holes in whatever of my blogs I’ve put them into, obviously. BUT I’M SO OVER THAT. Anyway, the one with the shout-out to me is no more, and has not been re-uploaded to the new account.

Cognitive dissociative moment (been having a lot of those recently). Change of subject, slightly.

So I’m looking at the stats for my professional website, raincoaster media, and it appears the blog has suddenly gone from a respectable 100 daily hits to 350, all courtesy of this post on, yes, Brian Atene on the subjects of personal, thespianal, and alcoholic marketing, which outranks every other Brian Atene post on Earth except the one on BoingBoing, even though there are about a dozen Atene posts on THIS blog, as opposed to a simple two on that one. Referrers? I can see three clicks from an AOL search for “Brian Atene” but nothing else. No Google, no Yahoo, nothing else shows up on the referrers. Are people pulling this out of thin air, or is it a hidden link of some sort?Why this post? And why now?

Did he marry a Kardashian today? Get a tv show? Carry a full hot water bottle onto an airplane?

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

For now, we have this. We have, instead of The Atene Button, Atene Talks Trigger.

Happy New Year from Brian Atene

Yes, it’s raincoaster‘s favorite YouTube muse, Brian Atene, back with a cupfull of holiday cheer just for you (and the Juilliard School, and Kevin Spacey) in this dazzlingly impromptu video entitled A Juilliard Christmas Card.

And in the same spirit, here’s a little something from Dr Boli:

The Spirit of the Season

And something meaningful to ponder this New Year’s Eve:

I am Y2K Ready

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A Festive Holiday Greeting from General Ursus

I pity the damn dirty ape

It’s that perennial Christmas favorite from General Ursus; you remember him, the chauvinistic, homicidal military fascist from the Planet of the Apes? not Dr. Zaius, the one with the blog and the snappy musical. The other one.

Played (as always) by GenX icon and YouTube favorite and phenomenon Brian Atene, who teases us that he has more where that came from, going up on Christmas Day.

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The Real Secret: the greatest motivational video of all time

Yes, boys and girls, it’s our old favorite Brian Atene back with another masterwork. This simple, thirty-second video, entitled “Do You Wish It?may be, nay, IS, the most powerful motivational talk in all of recorded YouTube.

Pour yourself a tumbler of something bracing, keep the Kleenex handy, and set phasers to awesome!