Canterbury Spam: Geoffrey Chaucer’s inbox

From, obviously, Geoffrey Chaucer's blog or is that bloggue. Medieval BathhousesReally, you must go read the whole thing.

II. An churlish proposicioun of anatomical alchemie! (Mayster Gower, peraventure thys shal be of aide to thee?)

TO: GEOFFREY CHAUCER (daliaunce@hotmail.com)
FROM: AUGMENTULA SALES (492499@chanounsalchemie.com)
RE: BE SURE SHE CRITH NOT ‘TEE HEE’ AT THEE

A man werkynge wyth an mighi plowe can simplie plowe a bettir furrough than a man with a tinye plowe!

Woldstow haue a mighti plowe or a tinye oon?

Order AUGMENTULA todaye, and thou shalt experience the lyf-chaunginge benefittes thousandes of goode men haue whyle on the AUGMENTULA programme! Manye do witnesse grete increses yn the girth, lengthe, and potencie of the membrum virile, and do paye the debte of mariage yn gretere amountes than evir bifor. Finallie thou kanst marrye AND burne at the same tyme!

Maybe I should hook him up with those penis-scientists from a few posts ago…maybe he could get them some unicorn tissue to work with or sumpin'.

Smug the Dragon

Heartlessly stolen from Wil Wheaton.

Smug the Dragon

A Booksigning for the Ages

Cherie Antoinette Hutton report Sun 

Is this something from Cherie Blair's backlist? This story, which first broke here on Guido Fawkes, comes from Stewart Jackson, MP of whom I have never heard, but am told to expect much in the future.

Cherie Blair attended a Labour fundraiser where one of the items auctioned was the report on the suicide Dr. David Kelly, of one of Blair's political enemies; the report was signed, in a flourish of almost perfect unselfawareness and mendacity, by Cherie Blair.

The fin is coming early this siecle.

CONDUCT OF LABOUR HON. MEMBERS AT MAY 2006 FUNDRAISER
22.05.2006

Jackson, Stewart

That this House notes that senior members of the Labour Party including hon. Members and Government Ministers attended a party fundraising event last week at the Arts Club in Mayfair; further notes that a copy of the official report by Lord Hutton into the death of Government scientist Dr David Kelly, signed by Ms Cherie Booth QC, was auctioned for party funds raising £400; believes this conduct to be in appalling bad taste, arrogant and crassly insensitive in seeking to make money, albeit indirectly, through hawking, as a novelty item, an official Government report into the death of a public servant; regrets the distress caused to the family and friends of the late Dr Kelly; calls on the Labour Party to apologise for such tasteless and offensive conduct and to donate the money raised to an appropriate charity; and deprecates such conduct by hon. Members.

Perhaps the general reception of this information can be gleaned by a couple of samples from the comments section:

Personally, I could warm to the idea of getting a hospital report (surely not beyond the powers of a British tabloid) on the suicide attempt of the young daughter of a certain well-known family. It could have the details of her physical condition when she was taken to the hospital, the various tests carried out of her, her treatment and her psychological report, etc and be signed by her chief doctor. If auctioned off, it would fetch a fair penny as a novelty item. Of course, you might be found to have slit your wrists in a country lane close to your home later on …

and the ever-classicDavid Kelly

"You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go."

I, of course, as the good literary snob, make the point that since the only person entitled to sign a book is the author and Ms. Booth/Blair does not claim to have authored the words, perhaps she signed under her authority as author of the actions.

More news outlets are picking it up, including the Guardian and the BBC. The story has legs. And still the comments continue to be illuminating. If I were saying some of these things, I'd be nony too!

Fellow anon, let us not forget the distinguished physicians who pointed out that Dr Kelly was "suicided"
Plus Campbell (in front of witnesses) saying to Blair
"well Tony you got what you wanted"
as the news of Dr Kelly's death was announced, not a direct order but probably a "who will rid me of this turbulent priest" moment

And here's what the BBC has to say today.For those who can't quite place David Kelly:

Dr Kelly was found dead in July 2003 after being named as the possible source of a story on BBC Radio 4's Today programme claiming the government had "sexed up" its dossier on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.

Naturally, the death was ruled a suicide. It could well have been, but it's also quite possible to have been encouraged to take that path. No doubt he and Vince Foster are discussing it at this very moment.

And hey, look! Dictator Trading Cards…how long till Tony and Cherie Antoinette have their own?

Dictator Playing Cards

Payday Yay!!!

Can you tell I'm a writer? Let's test your knowledge of the writer's life.

I come into some money and I Writer Writingimmediately go to:

A) the grocery store, for some much-needed foodstuffs

B) the bank machine, to pay off my bills

or

C) the bookstore for Jared Diamond's Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed, Masterpieces of Murder: The Best True Crime Writing from the Greatest Chroniclers of Murder, and Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell for an aggregate of 2104 pages; thence to the liquor store for a bottle of Jackson-Triggs 2004 Proprietor's Grand Reserve Sauvignon Blanc; and thence to a restaurant, albeit one where they ask if that's for here or to go. I'm feeling flush, so, throwing caution to the winds and carpeing diem for everything I'm worth, I ask for extra hot sauce and a beef, rather than vegetarian burrito.

La vie Boheme ain't what it used to be.

Ten Things I H8 About Commandments

Via Boingboing. And with Samuel L. Jackson and Sinead O'Conner. And I'm not sure, but I think there's a reference to Lohan in there, right at the very end.