Quote o’ the Day: Toby Young on Fame

Toby Young, once again the least attractive in a group photo

It’s rare indeed to find someone whose fascination with the phenomenon of fame exceeds my own storied obsession, but I have indeed located one such sick and deluded soul, and his name is Toby Young. And here is the smartest thing he has to say on the subject, shamelessly stolen from his book The Sound of No Hands Clapping(oh, but before we get to that: when his book launch was broken up by a lubricated brawl of some degree of violence and spectacularity his pregnant wife tried to break up the fight, but he stopped her, saying, “Are you crazy? This is fabulous publicity!”):

There are so many different varieties of fame these days we need to develop a whole new vocabulary to describe them. At the moment, the best we can do is to rank celebrities according to whether they’re A-list, B-list, etc. But even if we use every letter of the alphabet that still only gives us 26 different types. That’s surely not enough. Eskimos have 47 different words for snow. Shouldn’t we have 47 words for celebrity?

Selah.

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Control your Seafood: Cookin’ with Coolio

In a world where our most revered chef is a nattering, giggling, chainsmoking, Botox-riddled second-rate Mary Richards impersonator, it is heartening at last to find a show featuring someone so singlemindedly dedicated to the pursuit of culinary perfection. Someone for whom the mysteries of the roux are as deserving of attention as the mysteries of geopolitics, or the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present: Cookin’ With Coolio: Swashbuckling Shrimp!

Did he say “a dime bag of pepper?”

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A Time for Atene

Yes, he’s back. Brian Atene, everybody’s favorite YouTube Celebrity (what, you prefer Chris Crocker?) is back with more from the Dark Side.

“I’m just an analogue guy in a digital world.”

Fresca!

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Operation Global Media Domination: the Chinese Gwyneth Paltrow Situation

social mediaLooking at my stats for the past hour, it appears that someone who reads Valleywag but doesn’t officially work there thinks I’m Lainey. Because presumably the people who work there know very well that I linked to them from the gossip blog only a few days ago, and they know it’s not Lainey‘s. So, am I Lainey?

This would be a “no.”

My gossip, however non-lucrative, is at least not consistently four days late. Seriously, when I started I wanted to give homegirl the luv, since all I do is link to other gossip blogs and she is a famously bootstrapping local. But after a couple of weeks trawling through the digital equivalent of stale, tepid bile drawn from the liver of a superannuated Robson Street barfly, I gave up. If it’s vicious, I can’t use it unless it’s also really funny. But if it’s stale and/or dull, I can’t use it at all.

So, keep looking. I’m still not going to blog about you. Levin, maybe.

Anonymous vs ME!!!!!

OMG WTF!?!?!?!?! Anonymous is after ME now! Shitgoddamholyfuckyikes! I knew that this gossip blogging gig would be trouble!

Maybe Scientology will protect me?

Stolen from Valleywag

Hello. Internet Gossip Bloggers. We are The Z-List Celebrities.

Over the years we have been watching you. Watching us. Your blog posts, showing our drunkenness, our nip slips, our public breakdowns, have caught our eye. With the rise of your blog traffic and general influence in the entertainment industry, we, The Z-List Celebrities, have decided that you must be destroyed.

For the good of your readers, for the good of society and, most of all, for the good of our failing shit-tastic careers we will systematically expel your blogs from the internet and dismantle your growing sphere of influence.

No longer will we be your birthday sluts.

No longer will TMZ’s cameras ambush us outside restaurants.

No longer will you draw cocks on our faces.

We recognize you as serious opponents and do not expect our mission to succeed in a short time frame. Regardless we will no longer tolerate you mocking members of our organization. Like Tara Reid for example, leave her alone. She’s really talented. Sure her tits are weird but she just needs the right part to showcase her abilities, You’ll see.

You have nowhere to hide. Because we are everywhere. You will have no recourse of attack because for every reality star that falls, ten more will take their place.

We are The Z-List Celebrities.

We are Legion.

We do not forgive.

WE DO NOT FORGET.

Expect us.

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