Tales from the Classroom

According to the US National Education Association, 50% of teachers drop out of the profession within five years. That's a particular shame, since more and more of them have advanced education degrees that are, of course, suitable to education and to nothing else except resume-stuffing. From Sploid.

No matter how much tax money is thrown at U.S. public schools, teachers have been dropping out at the same rate for decades.

And while only half of America's public-school students are still white kids, teachers are still dominated by the same middle-aged women who have always been teachers – and 90% of them are white.

"The average public school teacher is a 43-year-old white, married, religious female," the Detroit Free Press reported today. "About 75% of public school teachers are female."

One thing that has changed for teachers is that they've got more university degrees than ever before: a full 50% of them now hold Master's Degrees.

And the kids they're turning loose on the world are real idiots. Few can read, write, do basic math or even find Iraq on a map, while their simpleton parents are increasingly afraid of science.

Teacher

And on that note, perhaps it's time for a few little tidbits picked up by one of raincoaster's operatives over the Pond in the UK school system. It's as convoluted and politicized as the Knights Templar, and about as open and accessible, so I don't really know the correct terminology for the school in which she works, except that it's paid for by the taxpayers, rather than by rich parents or corporations seeking to mold consumers when their brains are still young, and children go there to give them something to do while their parents are at work and to give the parents a sense of complacency about the way that they turn out.

Or is that too bleak?

In any case, as the raincoaster offshore operative was handing out papers in class one day, she overheard a 16-year-old girl saying to her friends, "but why would anyone want a butt plug with a tail on it???" to which one can, of course, only reply: why would one want one without?

And later that term, walking down the hallway, the r.o.o. passed a cluster of boys discussing something of obvious nefarity, for they clammed up as she passed. Once they thought she was safely out of hearing one turned to the other and picked up where they'd presumably left off.

"So should I shave my balls then?"

R.o.o. cried "Too much information, lads!" and they scattered as if pursued by the hounds of hell.

Hmmmmm. Perhaps we've discovered the source of those "married, religious" women's discomfort with the teaching profession.

Vatican to Creationists: Suck it!

Cardinal and GalileoVia BoingBoing.

The Vatican never actually abandoned the practice of keeping pet scientists, a fact which I welcome with equal parts relief and shock, for they have been very quiet lo these last four centuries. I didn't think they'd ever recovered from the Galileo PR disaster.

But there are scientists at the Vatican, and one, Brother Consolmagno, is in fact an astronomer, and not only is he over that Galileo thing, he's also over that Copernicus thing, and he's right out there giving interviews to The Scotsman in which he says…

Copernican View

"Religion needs science to keep it away from superstition and keep it close to reality, to protect it from creationism, which at the end of the day is a kind of paganism – it's turning God into a nature god. And science needs religion in order to have a conscience, to know that, just because something is possible, it may not be a good thing to do."

He also had a few pithy points to make about Papal PR as well.

Brother Consolmagno, who was due to give a Pope checks out the eclipsespeech at the Glasgow Science Centre last night, entitled "Why the Pope has an Astronomer", said the idea of papal infallibility had been a "PR disaster". What it actually meant was that, on matters of faith, followers should accept "somebody has got to be the boss, the final authority".

"It's not like he has a magic power, that God whispers the truth in his ear," he said.

orange and white…and red in the face

Viggo comforts raincoaster after her recent chemical spill

Viggo Mortensen tries not to laugh as he comforts raincoaster after her recent self-tanning disaster

If you read women's magazines at all, and we don't doubt for a moment that you, like all right-thinking people who want to know about Ashlee's new nose and whether wedgies are really more comfortable, do (yes it scans, go back and check), you've no doubt heard about how the new self-tanning lotions, creams, gels, mousses, dry oil sprays, etc etc are far superior to the old ones.

Gone are the days of blotchy orange tans; here are the welcome days of even, coppery, sunkissed bliss.

If I were to momentarily lapse into emo, I would almost say that was complete and utter fucking bullshit for which the editors will pay with a lifetime in Purgatory listening to Fiona Apple covers of Teletubbies songs, but of course I shall do no such thing, for lo I am way classy.

Fucking orange pinto hide and all.Appaloosa raincoaster

Do you know, the splotch on my right shin actually shows drip marks? And it didn't even drip in the first place! It must be some kind of stencil the gremlins applied while I slept! My left leg, on the other hand, looks like a sepia-toned map of the Canadian Shield, dotted with many tiny "lakes" and "rivers" of white, no doubt frozen over by the icy force of my stare, with what appear to be features of continental glaciation such as tiny moraines, drumlins and eskers.

So now that it's spring and a young (don't go there!) woman's mind turns to thoughts of skirts and shorts and evenly coppery skintones, this young woman has to jump on the unfortunately fugly leggings bandwagon until I can fade this appaloosa nightmare into oblivion. Anyone know any cheap sandblasting contractors?

Hitchens and Fry and Blasphemy, Oh My!

Hitchens LetusprayChristopher Hitchens and Stephen Fry, together again for the first time!!!

I love both of these tubby old coots as writers and currently loathe them both as human beings (isn't that always the way with the ones we once loved?), so I was delighted to find, on the Guardian Culture Vulture blog/dumping ground, their blasphemy debate from last year at the Hay Festival. No transcript available, of course, because that would be uncharacteristically bloggy, but here's the MP3. Right click, save, savour. If I'm being uncharacteristically ambitious, I may actually write a transcript, but at 78 minutes running time, don't be holding your breath!

One of the most talked-about events at last year's Stephen Fry, Bright Middleaged ThingGuardian Hay Festival was the Blasphemy Debate, chaired by Joan Bakewell and inspired by the Incitement to Religious Hatred Bill, which had been announced in the Queen's Speech the previous month. The speakers at the debate were the actor and writer Stephen Fry and the journalist Christopher Hitchens, and their frequently heated discussion covered issues of freedom of speech, religious tolerance, multiculturalism and orthodoxy…

Your Canadian Tax Dollars at Work…for Americans

All Hail our Yank OverlordsHere's an interesting post from BoingBoing.

It seems the Canadian Census, that genius organization which employed me for part of last year until they decided to change the terms of employment mid-stream (if I could afford a car, would I be working for you for $12 an hour sweetheart?) allows you to fill out your census forms online.

Using only American software.

Actually, given that it's the Federal Guvmint, we're lucky they didn't insist we print out PDF's, scan them, and send in Bitmaps. Shhhhhhhhhh, don't tell them; they might think it's not too late…

Statistics Canadian [sic]– a Federal agency — is conducting a national census that Canadians can participate in via the Web, but only if they use Microsoft's Internet Explorer or Apple's Safari. Free and open browsers like Firefox are explicitly excluded. There's two jaw-dropping elements to this story: one, that the Canadian government requires Canadians to use American software to complete the national census; and two, that they require all kinds of high-tech crapola to fill in a survey

All hail our Yank overlords.