Category Archives: Crime

we’re #2! we’re #2!

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show us your ID card and no funny business!

Canada has always tried harder.

Here, with very little effort, we runner-up the world in the protection of individual privacy. Other, less fortunate and more Orwellian countries such as Latvia(#13), Slovenia(#26), Thailand(#30), the United States(#31) and the United Kingdom(#33), could learn from us: appoint a career alcoholic to be in charge of your privacy commission and his staff will ensure that privacy is protected and that he’s passed out long before he can answer government requests to loosen restrictions.

Stolen from Let’s Go Everywhere, which stole it from the Canadian Press.

LONDON — Germany and Canada are the best defenders of privacy, and Malaysia and China the worst, an international rights group said in a report released Wednesday (Oct 31).
Britain was rated as an endemic surveillance society, at No. 33, just above Russia and Singapore on a ranking of 37 countries’ privacy protections by London-based Privacy International.

The United States did only slightly better, at No. 30, ranked between Israel and Thailand, with few safeguards and widespread surveillance, the group said…

Best Protectors of Civilian Privacy
1. Germany
2. Canada
3. Belgium
3. Austria
5. Greece
6. Argentina
6. Hungary
8. France
8. Poland
8. Portugal
8. Cyprus
12. Finland
13. Italy
13. Luxembourg
13. Latvia
13. Estonia
13. Malta
18. Denmark
18. Czech Republic
18. Ireland
18. Lithuania
18. New Zealand
18. Slovakia
24. Australia
24. Spain
26. Slovenia
26. Netherlands
28. Israel
28. Sweden
30. United States
31. Thailand
31. Philippines
33. Britain
34. Singapore
34. Russia
36. Malaysia
36. China

Discounted!

Daniel Radcliffe in Equus

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and yes, he and the horse are both nekkid. Here’s the poster: don’t say I never did nuthin’ for ya, but if this turns you on I think you need to seek some help pronto Tonto!

Daniel Radcliffe in Equus

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US military makes, breaks amnesty deal

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I guess we’ll be getting used to hearing those funny accents around Vancouver again. Ah, everything old is new again!

“My enemy isn’t foreign now. It’s domestic.”

Kyle SnyderAWOL American military personnel, fearing redeployment to Iraq, have observed with frustration as the amnesty and discharge deal reached by 23-year-old Kyle Snyder was apparently disregarded once the soldier had surrendered himself at Fort Knox as per the agreement.

The AP via the Guardian has the full report.

“They’re not going to win the hearts and minds like that,” said Glass, 24, who signed on with the Indiana National Guard in 2002…

“Nobody’s going to come back from Canada anymore,” said James Fennerty, a Chicago-based attorney who represents Snyder and other AWOL soldiers.

Several soldiers who went to Canada have said they don’t want to return to Iraq. Sgt. Patrick Hart, who deserted the Fort Campbell, Ky.-based 101st Airborne Division in August 2005, a month before his second deployment, said he felt misled about the reasons for the war.

“How can I go over there if I don’t believe in the cause? I still consider myself a soldier, but I can’t do that,” said Hart, a Buffalo, N.Y., native who served more than nine years in the military.

“The whole story behind it, it all feels like a big lie,” Glass said. “I ain’t fighting for no lie…”

Some are seeking refugee status in Canada. Hart, who was joined in Toronto by his wife and their 3-year-old son, served time in Bosnia in the early 1990s, became a reserve, then went to Iraq after returning to active duty. The idea of returning to the United States is appealing to Hart, because he would like to see family and friends.

“I could see going back under some kind of amnesty program or something like that,” Hart said. “But I don’t trust them. My enemy isn’t foreign now. It’s domestic.”  

Donald Rumsfeld, kung fu master

terror alert warnings: brown people edition

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They all need a good scrubbingWell, to be fair let’s open it right up to everybody brown, black, or off-white. Affleck, you’re lucky you’re off the Mystic Tan, that’s all I’m saying.

We here at the ol’ raincoaster blog are constantly scanning the pixelsphere, looking for the most relevant and important stories to bring you. In the absence of breaking Giant Squid news, we offer this, even though we live in Vancouver and the only persons of melanin ’round these parts have (as we have noted) been fighting terrorists since 1492. Still, on the Internet nobody can tell you’re an octoroon.

From McSweeney’s.Terror Ist Is Lamb

Whatever the case may be, you probably have the same worries that any other good American has in these troubled times. Such as “How do I properly show my love for my country?” and “How do I assure people that I don’t want to kill them?”

With these questions in mind, the Department of Homeland Security has formulated the following guidelines for you and your people based on the United States Terror Alert Levels. If you follow the simple advice below, you will significantly decrease your chances of being arrested or deported.

Terror Alert Level: Low (Green)

To be honest, this level is really just a placeholder. We needed to have a “low” level in order to have the higher levels. If we ever do hit the green level, be aware that this probably means the rest of the world has been destroyed by man-made (e.g., nuclear) or supernatural (e.g., meteor or alien death ray) forces. Whatever the case may be, take the opportunity to live it up, because as soon as Mexico gets repopulated we’ll be back up to the blue level.

and so on…

halloween costume of the year

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Alex P. Keaton and his dream dateThere was a lot of competition for this year’s top spot. The Malcolm Gladwell, being Canadian, enjoyed home team advantage, as did the Alex P. Keaton. The Tara Reid, we imagine, was popular with a certain set (an unmatched, lopsided set), and looking around the Downtown Eastside it seemed clear to me that the most popular costumes by far were the Novelty Whore and the Hipster. Unfortunately, as this is the Downtown EastSide, nobody looked as if they were in costume; everyone here dresses like an extra from Hedwig and the Angry Inch anyway. Boys, if you’re dressed like Bing Crosby, you’re not in costume. Girls, if you’re dressed like the girl in a Benny Hill sketch and you’re on East Hastings, you’re not in costume, you’re in mufti (muff-ti?). But it certainly was amusing to watch the confused looks on all those women’s faces when the guys in the cars would try to strike a deal. That’ll teach you to wait for the light at Cordova and Columbia, missy!

But finally, we have a winner. Here, via BoingBoing, is the bestest little Halloween costume ever.

a tadpole of the Elder Gods