Category Archives: Culture

Fondle Me Elmo celebrity sex tape

Posted on by

Well, if this doesn’t get my blog re-labeled Porn, nothing will.

Here is the loathesome apotheosis of all that is hateful about that little shit Elmo; hardcore furry-on-furry-on-furry action. We at the raincoaster blog have always kept a squinty eye on the horrible, giggling homonculus, and not without good reason. Reasons. As Defamer says,

FINALLY A CELEBRITY SEX TAPE WORTH OUR TIME

[Warning: The above video may be NSFW; please check your employer’s policy on viewing sexually explicit material starring plush children’s toys before viewing.]

This is from Poopycaca.com (when you need another fake news source, PoopyCaca is there). Me like.

The tape, made prior to Tickle Me Elmo’s success and fame on Sesame Street, was recently discovered by TMZ.COM working in conjunction with investigative reporters from PoopyCaca.com. “Tickle Me Harder” shows Elmo, who is credited under with the name “El Macho,” in compromising positions with two other actors, “Jack Mo’” and “Steve.”

Publicly, Elmo made a brief statement to reporters saying only, “Elmo no like.”

Well if you watch this video, you’ll have to disagree. It appears that Elmo likes it. He likes it hard!

headline o’ the day: Mortician risks life to save corpses

Posted on by

Full version:

Mortician risks life to save corpses from burning funeral home.
Here’s to you, Mr. I Take My Job Too Seriously Guy

Seriously.

I suppose it coulda been worse: it could have been a crematorium! via Fark, of course. Who else would come up with a headline like that, eh?

INDIANAPOLIS — Saying they wanted to spare families even more pain, two Indianapolis morticians went back inside their burning funeral home to try to save bodies.

The pair rolled out caskets containing bodies as firefighters aimed their hoses at flames at the rear of the funeral home. They managed to retrieve three bodies before the flames became too intense for them to go inside.

After the fired died down they returned for the seven remaining bodies. None was damaged.

Yeah, but were there any survivors?

Newfie tragedy, I think...

when giant octopus attack Goonies!

Posted on by

Stole this from Cracked‘s piece on Most Absurd Deleted Scenes of All Time. Definitely worth it for the Steve Carrell, not to mention Jay (of “and Silent Bob“) scarifying a couple of hookers into giving up the profession. via Defamer.

Movie: The Goonies
Director: Richard Donner
Why this scene was deleted: Because having a giant killer octopus appear in the final act of a movie that, up to that point, had at least pretended to exist in the real world, makes absolutely no fucking sense. If Donner had ended his next film, Lethal Weapon, by having Pterodactyl fly out of the sky and attack Riggs and Murtaugh, it wouldn’t have been any less nonsensical. [raincoaster knows, as the editors of Cracked apparently do not, that Octopi of this size do, in fact, exist]

Also, by cutting the infamous octopus scene and leaving in Data’s line later in the movie that confusingly refers to it (“The octopus was very scary!”), Donner was able to push his apparent belief that Asians are prone to exaggeration and not to be trusted, an agenda he was able to further explore in Lethal Weapon 4, quite possibly the most racist movie ever made.

Why this scene was ever shot: Probably because some old college buddy of Donner’s was on the payroll as “Unit Manager, Octopus Effects,” and kept nagging the director and bringing up “all those times I bailed your ass out in the Quad” until Donner finally sighed and said, “Alright, fuck it. Let’s shoot the ‘pus.”

when tiny, pretty octopus attack!

Posted on by

More serious than it sounds.

Blue Ringed Octopus on toddler prowl

Honestly, what it is with Australians? I heart Steve Irwin and all, but is it something in the gene pool or something in the water that makes them go, “Crikey, it’s a deadly wild animal. I’m gonna down me a few Foster’s and then make friends with it!“???

Steve, I told you not to do that!

In this case, some Outback Sheila saw her toddlers playing with the “Blue-Ringed Octopus” and apparently didn’t clue in from that there might be some danger involved.

A THREE-year-old Brisbane boy is lucky to be alive after being bitten by a blue ringed octopus at Suttons Beach in Redcliffe on Saturday.

Minutes after little Anthony Cerasa and his siblings were playing with the octopus, he complained to his mother that he “couldn’t walk” and was rushed to hospital.

Apparently he’ll live, but ICU is no place for a toddler, even one from that shallow gene pool. Let’s get some background info on the deadly critter, both for purely informational purposes and because we here at the raincoaster blog are far more interested in deadly sea creatures and cephalopods in particular than we are in Australian children, however towheaded and cute.

The blue ring octupus is quite small and beautiful but extremely poisonous. A bite from one acts so quickly that death may occur before a diver can even make it out of the water. Still, this octopus is a master of disguise and is rarely seen even though it is not uncommon. The blue rings are only displayed as a warning of its lethal bite. Otherwise it is a pale color.

and a little more, from Did You Know:

The world’s most poisonous octopus is the size of a golf ball

First you will feel nauseous. Your vision becomes he is watching! Cthulhu fhtagnhazy. Within seconds you are blind. You loose your sense of touch. You cannot speak or swallow. Three minutes later you are paralysed and unable to breathe…The last thing the victim sees are the blue rings – visible only when it is about to attack.

The blue-ringed octopus is the size of a golf ball but its poison is powerful enough to kill an adult human in minutes. There’s no known antidote. The only treatment is hours of heart massage and artificial respiration until the poison has worked its way out of your system…

There are two species of blue-ringed octopus: the blue ringed octopus, still hunting toddlersHapalochlaena lunulata, which is the larger and grows up to 20cm (8 in) across its stretched tentacles. The other, the Hapalochlaena maculosa, is small and more common, weighing a mere 28 grams (1 oz). They are found in the shallow coral and rock pools of Australia. And they’re rather cute, being brown or yellow in colour. But don’t pick one up – by the time you see the electric-blue rings, it’s too late!

graffiti of the day: Kate Moss, Cocaine Mademoiselle

Posted on by

Cocaine Mademoiselle. Pretty, Lively.

from a Parisian bus shelter, via Gawker.