For reasons best left unsaid, it entertains me to watch other people fending off swarming loyalista (nay, Unquestionista) fans when they cluster and attack in those occasional, apparently-random movements dictated by hive mind.

Here is the latest version, from Logged Hours, via Gawker. What is unique about the American Idol phenomenon is that, other than Simon and Paula, it appears as if every contestant has been stripped of all possible personality just prior to appearing and that they have, in fact, been manufactured especially for this moment, having no pasts in which to have retroactively embarassed themselves or the millions of people who stayed home to watch rather than, say, vote.

These are the least offensive group of stars the universe has ever seen. Why, then, is the drama quotient of their fandoms the equivalent of a sack of enriched plutonium at a Kabul night market? It’s not just Taylor’s Hicks; anybody remember the 5,000-comment Claymate threads on Perez Hilton‘s site?

In any case, to the Hicks!

Dear Crazy Taylor Hicks fans,

Please STOP COMMENTING on my blog about how AMAZINGLY HOT you think your weirdo sex-object is and take your creepy internet fan-love somewhere else.

I don’t give a hoot in the wind if you think that I have a “fickle aesthetic”. If you think that Taylor Hicks is the hottest man alive, you need your head checked. That is my OPINION. I am entitled to my opinion, especially since it’s my goddamn blog. I don’t care that you love him and would try and have his children from DNA derived from some used napkin you bought on eBay. I don’t want to hear it.