Operation Global Media Domination: A Helping Hand

TIAThis guy's already made his goal (got Gawked today, that's all it takes, really) but we're gonna give him a shout-out anyway on the off chance he'll be grateful and help US hit our goal of total global media domination.

So, here's the story… I said to my girlfriend that any stupid website could get tons of hits, simply because people are bored all the time. She said that I was an idiot and couldn’t make a website that could get tons of hits if I wanted to. After a long argument (mostly centered around the fact that she called me an idiot) we made a bet:
If I could not make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, I would agree that I was an idiot; however, if I could make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, she would have a menage a trois (that's a threesome to you non french-speakers) with me and another girl. I thought she was kidding at the time, but then she said she was so sure of herself, that she would even put it in writing.   This of course is an ultra-binding contract.

6.6. ’06: National Day of Slayer

Slayer, dude! SLAYER!!!!!!!!!!! 

Technically, this only goes for the US, but I suggest we just take this the fuck global. Because it's SLAYER, dude, SLAYER!!!!!!

6.6.'06 is the National Day of Slayer

Official Statement on Participation

Who is Slayer

Slayer is a band from California. Their music has come to epitomize Satanic speed metal music in the latter half of the 20th Century. Their 1986 album, "Reign in Blood" is one of the single most influential metal albums of all time, typified by the modern classic "Angel of Death".

Official Statement on Participation

  • Listen to Slayer at full blast in your car.
  • Listen to Slayer at full blast in your home.
  • Listen to Slayer at full blast at your place of employment.
  • Listen to Slayer at full blast in any public place you prefer.DO NOT use headphones! The objective of this day is for everyone within earshot to understand that it is the National Day of Slayer. National holidays in America aren't just about celebrating; they're about forcing it upon non-participants.Taking that participation to a problematic level
  • Stage a "Slay-out." Don't go to work. Listen to Slayer.
  • Have a huge block party that clogs up a street in your neighborhood. Blast Slayer albums all evening. Get police cruisers and helicopters on the scene. Finish with a full-scale riot.
  • Spray paint Slayer logos on churches, synagogues, or cemeteries.
  • Play Slayer covers with your own band (since 99% of your riffs are stolen from Slayer anyway).
  • Kill the neighbor's dog and blame it on Slayer.
  • Pirates, Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

    Pirates! Pirates, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

    Fake Writer Day, Junior Edition

    Courtesy of Gawker, that heartbreaking bitch. Well, what can you expect from a New Yorker, eh?

    Brief recap of the Fake Writer Roundup.

    Exhibit A:

    JT LeRoy, Fake Writer A

    JT LeRoy, the young, mixed-up transexual addict who used to be a lot lizard (truck stop child hooker).

    Not so much, on all counts.

    Middle-aged, crafty, straight, married mundane with a perfectly respectable past and a nice, clean apartment in a good part of town. Which was part of the problem. So, whachagonnado? Ya hire your sister-in-law for appearances, put her in a fright wig and CNIB shades, and have her sleep with Asia Argento: bingo, instant wunderkind.

    Exhibit B:

    James Frey, Fake Writer B

    James Frey, ex-con, hardened, hard-living addict who found salvation in a sometimes-brutal honesty and acceptance of personal responsibility.

    Not. So. Much.

    James Frey, coddled, middle-class boy who has been pulled over for drunk driving a coupla times and may once have prank called an ex-girlfriend.

    So now we come to Exhibit C:

    Kaavya Viswanathan

    Kaavya Viswanathan, wholesome, overachieving valedictorian and current Ivy Leaguer and literary wunderkind, every Indian parents' dream daughter.

    Not. So. Fast.

    Kaavya Viswanathan, not the first young woman to be used by older, wiser publishers looking for a marketing hook. Now, she probably didn't write all of her new book; that much is clear. If she did, she stole, either deliberately or under the influence of the ghost of George Harrison, a dozen or so significant sections. And it's a given that big publishers sometimes pick, almost at random, somebody to give a huge career to simply because they need personalities to market, and if their outstanding characteristic is nothing more than their marketability, surely much the same can be said of half of Manhattan. But I encourage you to read the whole of this analysis by Gawker Intern Neel Shah, both because it's a thoughtful overview with particular reflection on the cultural pressures shared by both Shah and Viswanathan, and also because Shah is really, really hot.

    Neel Shah, Gawker Intern, Hearthrob

    And going to the transcripts:

    Whatever dubious subcontinental wunderkind Kaavya Viswanathan did write, didn’t write, had ghost-written, cribbed, subconsciously borrowed, telepathically stole, or else was brainwashed into doing by a bunch of Pakistanis hell-bent on subverting India’s credibility in the burgeoning Southeast Asian chick-lit genre, at least one thing is clear: shit like this is the reason brown kids should stick to quantitative math and organic chemistry. Ms. Viswanathan, after all, had all the hallmarks of future i-banker or doctor.

    etc, etc.

    You can’t buy publicity like this

    Big Bubba