Emo News Network Presents!
Yes, it’s that very special time on the blog: the time when we dump all our celebrity links for the day because we are too lazy/stressed/drunk/busy to do a real, proper 250 words for you. So hold your nose and swallow like a good little media consumer! YAY CELEBUTARDS!
Speaking of which, here’s an adorkable little video of children reacting to Rebecca Black‘s immortal musical meisterwerk, Friday.
via Gawker
Paul Rudd covers up his Rudds
Give the man what he asks for: a cure for cancer!
“I know it’s the thought that counts, but…the money counts too!”
Normally, as you know, I am so NOT all about the self-conscious hipsters (apologies: I repeat myself) particularly those of ironic eyewear, but in this case I must give it up to Mister Paul Rudd, who suggests that on your birthday, you ask your friends to donate your age in dollars to the Cancer Society. Now, this may well bankrupt my friends, but you, according to Quantcast, are younger, and you should be doing this. I mean, if they spend that money on PBR you’re just gonna have a beer belly and a hangover to show for it the next day, right? Whereas fighting cancer provides a glow which makes one irresistable to the opposite sex (as several cancer fakers of my acquaintance know and have taken advantage of, and don’t worry, I’ve taken care of them in ways they don’t even know yet).
Am I ranting? Oh, let me rant. I beat cancer: I’m entitled to rant a bit. If you’re feeling ranty right along with me, here are some infuriating, medically-themed gossip links for you to read and ensure that your blood pressure remains elevated. If you get angry enough, it even counts as aerobic!
If only my parents had bought me this when I was little!
Okay so judging by the computer clock I have 12.5 minutes to finish this post and get it up, which may give you a hint why most of my posts seem rather … thin … lately. I have to jam them all up before the web cafe closes or walk several miles in the rain to get to the nearest 24 hour cafe and then pay another $2 for lousy coffee or $5 in the case of the nearest cafe, which has a two-drink minimum and NO I AM NOT EVEN JOKING so is it any wonder I’m having an emo breakdown? It’s only Monday by a few minutes and I’m already three days behind in posts.
So let me tell you about the time I had an emo meltdown on my one and only celebrity follower. Well, I have some celebrity journalists following me, thank god, because validation from writers better than one’s self is always welcome, but I have only one Actual Movie Star Follower, and that’s John Cusack. I’d tell you about him, but I don’t have time and you DO have google, so knock yourselves out.
It happened after I’d stayed up too long liveblogging Japan (for which I did get on the front page of Google for “Japanese Earthquake” for a time at least; I do think I did a good job, but GOD who can blog that for long without going ever so slightly insane, eh? I ask yez) two nights in a row and gotten an email from a friend in Hawaii mentioning the two quakes he’d had while he was replying to my email of a few minutes ago. Oh, swell.
Then I heard about the reactors.
That’s about when I DM’d my one and only Genuine Celebrity Follower, a man I know through conversations of about 420 characters total. And nothing is to be deduced from that purely coincidental number.
And what did I say to this near-stranger? “Do you ever have one of those days when you think the end of the world is actually here already?”
So, yeah, I’m apparently That Fan. Mother would be so proud.
On that note, here are your emo links for an early Monday morning. I should drink more, at least I’m a happy drunk.
John Cusack and I are both magnets for bad advice
Beneficial for whom? Do you have any IDEA what people like Cusack and me do to mainstreams into which we attempt to integrate? Roughly what a wolverine that’s on fire and radioactive to boot does to a toilet paper roll it’s trying to crawl through, that’s what. See this picture?
Pamela Anderson's looking a little rough. Hunter S Thompson John Cusack and Johnny Depp plus one
Do you REALLY want these people in your Bell Curve? No. No, you do not. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
These are:
Julian Assange Action Figure
Fangirl alert: Julian Assange IN AN INDIANA JONES OUTFIT!!!
I’ll wait while you pick yourself up off the floor.
And go wash your hands.
For extra-serious fangirlism, for $60 you can buy just the head and attach it to “your own 12 inch action figurine”. Or whatever you may have handy.
I’d be the filling in a Steve Jobs/Jeff Goldblum sandwich (Lolebrity)
The Lord of the Kingdom of the Undead does not approve of this floozy (Ayyyy)
Roundup of news from Japan (raincoaster)
Matthew McConaughey is turning into a greyhound before our eyes (AgentBedhead)
Joan Jett is better than RedBull (BusyBeeBlogger)
Olivia Wilde thinks she can upgrade from an Italian prince (CelebDirtyLaundry)
She looks like Crispin Glover in an Edith Prickley costume (CelebritySmack)
Lindsay Lohan will stop at nothing (CelebrityVIPLounge)
Charlie Sheen, Celebrity Chef? (DailyStab)
Disney is REALLY scraping the bottom of the barrel (EarSucker)
They may be immortal, but they’re still not taking any chances (FitFabCeleb)
Scary clownceleb faces (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Celebrities care! Or at least fake it plausibly! (HaveUHeard)
The latest in celebrity injustices (HollywoodHiccups)
Tony Dunzo (INeedMyFix)
Justin Timberlake has a new plus one (MathewGuiver)
Martha Stewart is a surrogramma (TheSkinny)
raincoaster 