Or is that “The Dilemma of Zetality?” Something like that, for sure.

Yes, here via SondraKiStanUSA and AgentBedhead comes the solution for the heartbreaking loneliness that is the sad fate of millions of loveless basement-dwelling males.

ImaginaryGirlfriends.com.

The girls are real. The relationship is not. When your time is up you can break up with her for whatever reason you decide, and she’ll write you a final letter begging you to take her back. Our service is easy-to-use, lots of fun, and discreet. The privacy of our customers and Imaginary Girlfriends is always protected.

And check out some of the profiles:

Jenniferread more
Age 20
From London, England
“Our long-distance relationship will seem completely believable… the fact that it isn’t real will be our little secret! ”

Imaginary Girlfriend Service:
Personalized Letters Photos
E-Mails Online Chat

So much cheaper than the real thing! And you never have to leave Mom’s basement. Unlike an icky old RealDoll, there’s never any suspicious-looking packaging involved, nor any sticky surfaces to clean!

Except the underside of the desk, of course.

Oh, wait! They’re hiring! I think I sense an opportunity!

Writers wanted:

5PM Interactive and ImaginaryGirlfriends.com are seeking creative, fun-loving women to join us! If you’re over 18, love to write and welcome the opportunity to earn extra cash, consider joining our site as an Imaginary Girlfriend. ..

We’re looking for someone who can provide an authentic long-distance girlfriend experience with a minimum of actual interaction. [awesome; this is exactly what I always look for in a relationship!] … Of course no actual romantic relationships are involved and you will never be encouraged to be a real life girlfriend in any situation.

Seriously, this sounds like TOTALLY MY THING. I’ve been a real girlfriend, and frankly there are roles in this world which suit me better, if you must know. Like accountant.

If you turn your nose up at the very idea of a virtual girlfriend, think for a moment what happens when one of these prime specimens lumbers out of his subterranian den in search of a mate.

How a Nerd Picks Up a Girl (or if I’m any judge, how he fails to do so) from Coffee&Biscuits is a list of pickup lines going around Facebook. Now you know why I’m not Facebookish.

Some samples:

• How about I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU?
• Nice set of floppies!
• The volume of a generalized cylinder has been known for thousands of years, but you won’t know the volume of mine until tonight.

and the probably WordPress-specific:

• You had me at “Hello World”