Hot Tub Hobo!

Paging John Cusack: I sense a sequel. Calling all angels…

Sadly, this call could not be completed as dialed.

Mark Eskelsen, the Hot Tub Hobo

Mark Eskelsen, the Hot Tub Hobo

It seems Mark Eskelsen, a true aficionado of convivial outdoor bathing, free spirit, alfresco-dweller, and (at least mentally) time-traveller from reformed hippieville Beaverton, Oregon, is not a rock. Nor yet is he an island.

He is a loser.

From the New York Daily News (really, we’re getting our Cascadia news from NYC now? really, interwebs?):

The 45-year-old called 911 from his cell phone on Sunday morning and identified himself as the “sheriff of Washington County,” Beaverton police said. He then asked for medical attention, later admitting that he wasn’t the sheriff.

Eskelsen also said he had been in the hot tub for 10 hours and that his towels had gotten soaked.

“I just need a hug and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it,” he told the 911 operator.

In fact, the police lied: the poor man actually called 411, as any right-thinking, cocoa-seeking hot tub hobo would do in a time of need. Can you imagine the conversation he and the friendly operator must have had? If not for the fact my readers are still recovering from my recent OD on YouTubes, I’d post the scene from 28 Days where Sandra Bullock’s character is driving around wasted in the stolen limo wearing her underwear and drunk-dialing 411 to find a wedding cake, right here. But I won’t.

The operator knew a true human emergency when s/he heard one, and handed off the unsuspecting hug-seeker to 911 emergency response, who promptly responded to our warm-hearted if pruney-toed protagonist’s cri de coeur by calling in the SWAT team to roust him from his roasty roost and put him on ice in the cooler.

And to think: all he wanted was a hug, a cup of cocoa with marshmallows, and some fresh towels. Really, when it comes right down to it, we are all Juan Mann, alone.

“…how hard it must be to live only with what one knows and what one remembers, cut off from what one hopes for!… There can be no peace without hope.”

~ Albert Camus, 1948, The Plague (Trans. Stuart Gilbert), p. 262-263

Emo Luv

Emo Luv

The Pirate Bay -> The Prorogue Bay for a day, eh!

Prorogue Bay eh

Yes, The Pirate Bay has become The Prorogue Bay for a day (or more) eh. No way!

Way.

UPDATE: AndreaR reports on Twitter that apparently only Canadians can see it. Awwww, we feel speshul!

(In)Famous filesharing site The Pirate Bay has decided to stick it to the Canadian government in more ways than one. Let’s face it, the music industry can spend all it wants on lobbyists, but the real reason the Canadian Conservative Party has opposed filesharing is simply that they haven’t figured out how to tax it.

Yet.

So, besides NOT paying the Tories‘ baksheesh every darn day of their lives, the Pirate Bay‘s little Scandinavian hosers was hard at work last night getting up this lovely spoof of our illustrious or at least illustrated PM Stephen Harper on their main page, and ain’t she a beaut? Nice Peace Tower there, by jee.

If the Pirate Bay can bypass your government restrictions, why sure as you’re born so can the Canadian Government. They’re pirates alike under the skin, and if you don’t believe me you are encouraged to find a Tory and dissect him yourself just to make sure.

Now THAT would be a Good Day, eh?

And don’t forget to Follow @OnionRing4PM on Twitter and join the Facebook group Can This Onion Ring Get More Fans than Stephen Harper?

Che Conrad

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Nutt Sacked!

www.superpoop.com

This actually happened back in October, but somehow I missed it. Me, missing an opportunity for a filthy, misleading headline! I musta been drunk!

That’s right, UK government advisor David Nutt has lost his job after making controversial remarks characterizing alcohol and tobacco as more dangerous drugs than E, pot or LSD (from which the government derives no taxes).

According to the Guardian:

drug ranking

Nutt had criticised politicians for “distorting” and “devaluing” the research evidence in the debate over illicit drugs.

Arguing that some “top” scientific journals had published “horrific examples” of poor quality research on the alleged harm caused by some illicit drugs, the Imperial College professor called for a new way of classifying the harm caused by both legal and illegal drugs.

“Alcohol ranks as the fifth most harmful drug after heroin, cocaine, barbiturates and methadone. Tobacco is ranked ninth,” he wrote in the paper from the centre for crime and justice studies at King’s College, London, published yesterday.

“Cannabis, LSD and ecstasy, while harmful, are ranked lower at 11, 14 and 18 respectively.”

While the impulse to speak truth to power is, as always, the single MOST dangerous intoxicating substance known.

On the upside, I bet it was a wicked going-away party at Jocelyn Elders‘ house!

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Welcome to Copenhagen!

The coalition of the willing, to power

There’s nothing like the wholesome exercise of free speech and the right to peaceful assembly in the presence of the leaders of the Free World.

(remember the Free World? I know, so old-skool!)

Well, for those of you who remember what that was like, here’s a little slideshow of photos taken in Copenhagen during the recent summit by Vangroover homeboy Kris Krug and assembled by Vangroover muse Fiercekitty.

Enjoy?

A little background:

Krug is taking photos at the international summit for the TckTckTck coalition of prominent non-government organizations, including World Vision, Greenpeace and Amnesty International.

“It’s a little strange,” he said of his brush with Danish police.

“I’ve never been in an environment like this. I only kept myself from being arrested by showing my media credentials.”

Despite a wave of more than 1,100 arrests over the weekend, Krug said the majority of people at the conference are working peacefully to lobby through activism and social media campaigns.

And after you’ve watched this, go check the front page of your local paper. What’s on it? Happy Team Spirit Olympics? Adorable Cute Kid Story? Lost Puppy Found in Sitcom-Worthy Mixup? Single Mom of Thirty-Seven Wins Lottery? The Same Damn Thing As On The Other Paper? And then realize: You PAID for that paper.

You can do better.

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Olympic Mural Rises Again

crying room original olympic mural

original photo by The Blackbird

Have you seen this mural?

Not recently, you haven’t, because it was removed on the orders of Vancouver City Hall, which is apparently in the business of making sure the Olympic Committee don’t get their feelings hurt, rather than in the business of defending the rights of Canadians to the free expression guaranteed them under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

The gallery says in 10 years, it has never before been asked to remove any work.

The city issued the order under its graffiti bylaw, but it comes in the wake of a debate over a controversial city sign bylaw that opponents feared would allow officials to stifle anti-Olympic expression.

“It was pretty clear to me that it was because of the context of the work,” says Colleen Heslin, who runs the Crying Room, a small studio focusing on emerging artists.

Ms. Heslin points out that over the years she has hung about 30 murals there, and has never had any trouble. She has also used that space as a giant chalkboard, allowing passersby to write or draw whatever they wanted (which included swear words) and was never asked to remove that either.

In fact, when her landlord, Peter Wong, received a notice from the city telling him to remove the graffiti from his building, he had no idea what they were talking about. “I called them and said I cannot find the graffiti. And they said the sign [the mural] is graffiti…”

Patrick Smith, director of Simon Fraser University’s Institute of Governance Studies, said the removal of the sign is symptomatic of the high demands the “Olympic movement” places on its host cities. He believes Vancouver will be the beginning of a shift away from the modern Olympic era, with communities saying the cost of hosting is too high.

“A lot is asked of communities, and it seems to me this is a perfectly good example of where we’ve gone too far,” he said. “There’s no other way to describe it other than overreaction, but it’s the city trying to protect a brand that’s not the city’s brand. It’s the Olympic movement’s brand.”

Malcolm asked if the one in the bottom right-hand corner was Gregor Robertson.

And there was mourning throughout the land, or at least the Downtown Eastside. Even the revered and untouchable Globe and Mail, which had at first featured the image in its article, got out the virtual putty knives and scraped it right off their website, and the bittersweet little mural was removed from the face of the Earth AND the Googleplex.

But not for long, for over on Facebook a spontaneous, outraged movement started, a movement with sharpie-inscribed samizdat tee shirts and all manner of Olympic Mural as Facebook Profile Pic mayhem, and soon, just like in Peter Pan when Tink is dying and you clap your hands to save her (you DO clap your hands, don’t you? And ring a bell at Christmas, so an angel gets its wings? Of course you do, because you don’t want me to come over there and give your sorry motherfucking ass the beat-down), the heartfelt wishes of the good little boys and girls and the undecideds notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat all over the Downtown Eastside were heard and the mural rose again.

Here it is as of now:

Crying Room Olympic Mural Dec 13 2009

And, for as long as it lasts, you can see it in my Flickr stream, in my Facebook photos, on this blog, and at Main and Cordova.

As far as I can tell, it’s the original piece, with a little bit of touching up around the smiley face.

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