Now that’s what I call long-playing. Going since the zero-th century (BC and AD, although not AC or DC) and still popular. Here is the Catholic Rite of Exorcism, available for all your home exorcision needs.

From WFMU’s Beware of the Blog:

The Rite of Exorcism

Now that the dreaded date of 6/6/06 has passed seemingly without incident, will the apocalyptic religious hysteria (and the mockery thereof) cease?  Heavens, no!  Not if Beware of The Blog has anything to say about it.  And where would the God franchise be anyway without its archenemy and eternal whipping boy—Lucifer, the Bringer of Light?  Are we all so confident that “nothing happened” on June 6?  How could we possibly be?  Babies were born, to be sure—so we’ll see, I guess.

If, in the coming weeks, you find yourself speaking in unfamiliar, ancient tongues, exhibiting Tourette’s-like symptoms, or contorting your body in new, unusual ways (without the benefit of a Yoga class), you may in fact be in need of a ritual demonectomy—an exorcism—one of the oldest and most hushed ceremonies of the Christian church…

“Knowing when to exorcise and when to refer for psychiatric treatment is a nagging problem for priests.”  Wow.  And you thought the priesthood was a cakewalk.

The Rite of Exorcism Part the First

The Rite of Exorcism Part the Second

We assume no liability. We do, however, want to hear all about it after you try this at home. Kinda reminds me of that book “Sex for Dummies” in that Dummies, of all the people in the world, are the last ones who deserve or, for the sake of the species should be having, sex. Do-it-yourselfers, trundling happily around Rona or Home Depot or Canadian Tire, looking for calico cow stencils and whatever Debbie Travis told them to buy that day, are perhaps the last people on the planet who should be entrusted with the task of expelling demons.

They have power tools. And cow stencils. That’s all I’m saying.