Christmas in Canuckistan

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Merry Christmas, eh!

It has come to our attention here at Operation Global Media Domination’s Mountain Lair that not everyone around the world celebrates Christmas the way we here in the People’s Republic of Canuckistan do. In Belgium they prepare their children for abduction by the loathesome Black Peter, while in Spain there’s something about six or eight black men…I didn’t really follow that part…and in Australia, of course, where it’s the height of summer, they spend the solstice season celebrating the birth of Archie.

This is how we celebrate the season in my country:

HOCKEY!

BITCHING ABOUT WORK!

Union Lightbulbs

Union Lightbulbs

OCCUPYING!

Occupy Christmas

Occupy Christmas

PRETENDING INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SINGING OUT LOUD!

DRINKING!

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

What else is there when you can’t afford to shop? Oh, right, work for awesome clients who pay in cases of wine instead of cash! This is my favorite way to get my Christmas shopping done, actually.

Cheers!

Ecumenical Holiday Unicorn Chaser Roundup

Katamari Damancy Christmas Katamari

Katamari Damancy Christmas Katamari

Christmas is coming and Hanukah is here already, so here’s an equal-time hump day Unicorn Chaser to freshen up the longest week of the year on the longest night. Light it up with this innovative, nerd-resonant solution to your seasonal decorating challenges: the Katamari Damancy Christmas … Thing.

Equal time: Zebranukah

Hanukah in black and white

Hanukah in black and white

Who says there are no Jews in Africa?

Hey, FLASHBACK TIME!

Tinfoil Christmas

Tinfoil Christmas

The thing about these tinfoil trees was you were supposed to buy one of those rotating multicoloured spotlights so it wasn’t actually prettily silver or colourless; it would throb alternately in red, blue, yellow, and green, like a pagan discotheque on Mars. If you tried to use one of these things nowadays, you’d probably scramble cellphone signals for a square kilometer around. Comedy gold.

But let’s not see it as Two Solitudes; let’s see it as partners.

Hanukah and Christmas kittehs

Hanukah and Christmas kittehs

Oh don’t they just look SO pleased to be celebrating the season together? You can’t see Druid Kitteh, as he was up in a tree at the time this photo was taken.

and, last but not least, in fact foremost in Unicorn Chaserianism, is this video of puppies playing under the tree. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…

How do you spell “Hail Cthulhu” in Elvish?

Occupy Pumpkin Patch

GPOY: Occupy Pumpkin Patch

via Vicki McLeod

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

I had the best costume today, even if the mask didn’t fit very well.

V for Vogue

V for Vogue

The best part was that when people at, say, Starbucks looked surprised and alarmed (and they did) I just said, “Well, we TOLD you to expect us!” and they’d laugh.

Didn’t get the pumpkin carved in time (Elvish characters are a bitch to make without a proper Elven Pumpkin Carving Dagger) so I guess I’ll be eating a lot of curry, soups, and pie [holla, Oxford Comma] in the near future. And even though I had no jack o’ lantern and the porch light was out, I did get a few kids showing up: one four year old Super Mario, one six year old witch, a three year old um something vampiric I guess, and two older kids around twelve, one dressed in civvies and the other at least halfheartedly tried with a boy scout uniform. I rooted through the kitchen in desperation and ended up giving out all the apples. Super Mario Boy, “Oh goody, I LOVE apples!” By the time I remembered the lowfat caramel dip (what do you dip in it, Jenny Craig?) I was all out of Trick or Treaters for this year.

Then the cats and I spent four hours watching the fireworks in the park behind the house. Yes. Four. Hours. Every time there was a pause the black cat would freak out and start frantically pawing at the glass to make it start again. The bizarre thing is, it worked Every. Single. Time. The other cat expressed himself more directly, by expressing himself over the rug which is, thank god, machine washable.

In other news of unholy manifestations, I see that He is risen at last.

That’s right, bitches: Cthulhu is back!

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

As you can clearly see from these before-and-after pictures of the Chao Phraya river, He has returned…to Thailand. Great, do you have any idea how much the airfare will be?

HE could be a little more considerate, knowmasayin’?

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Post-Hump Day Occupy Unicorn Chaser

Short Attention Span Lemur presents: your Occupy Unicorn Chaser!

Short Attention Span Lemur presents: your Occupy Unicorn Chaser!

A day late and $75 billion short on your Unicorn Chaser good news roundup. After what went down last night in Oakland, I think we could all use a Unicorn Chaser, and the sooner the better.

What went down in Oakland, did I hear you ask? This:

But hey, cheer up!

Occupy Rockettes. If Michael Lohan can do it, you can too!

Occupy Rockettes. If Michael Lohan can do it, you can too!

There! All better! Not quite?

Occu-Pumpkin

Occu-Pumpkin to be turned into Occu-pie!

Now?

Well, I didn’t want to bring out the heavy artillery, but okay. Here goes. Be careful: better sit down for this.

Continue reading

The Swag Report: Happy Birthday to Me!

Of the Most Epic Party in the History of Partification we shall not speak at this time.

Mostly because we can’t remember much of it.

But my going-away party had to double as my birthday party, and that was just fine with me, as providing transportation for all my Vancouver friends to and from my new place would be a little difficult, what with it being a four-day drive and all. At the party I got, besides all the yummy food everyone brought, a bottle of Plymouth Gin (which has been hard to get since last year), a bottle of Bombay Sapphire Gin, a bottle of Vermouth, a gift box of a half-bottle of Bombay Sapphire with two rocks glasses (are we sensing a theme here?), a hand-blown glass perfume bottle, a bottle of Chilean wine, and Hmm. Hmm. Other stuff which I can’t remember. Which isn’t too bad for a party where I said No Presents Please.

And when I walked into my new place in Yellowknife the woman I’m house-sitting for had left an airline-sized bottle of Bombay Sapphire on the kitchen counter, with “Welcome to da Knife” on a post-it. That’s what I call welcoming!

In case you didn’t know, I found my new job via Facebook, from someone I’d met on Twitter. I found my new apartment via the comments section at Crasstalk. So don’t ever think social media is a waste of time; it’s like sex. It can be a waste of time if you’re doing it wrong. But I do it really, really well.

Ahem.

Today, as nobody in Yellowknife knows it’s my birthday and everyone elsewhere is too far to walk, I have only digital presents, but they are lovely. What did I get?

My friends have a wonderful ability to prioritize

My friends have a wonderful ability to prioritize

from JustJennifer

A birthday post dedicated to me from Hummingbird604:

The truth of the matter is that the Raincoaster persona is not exactly the same person as my good friend Lorraine Murphy. Lorraine happens to be actually a very nice person with a brain and broad range of experiences that rivals that of many modern times’ intellectuals … she’s done some amazing work, especially for the Fearless City project, empowering folks in the Downtown East Side (where she used to live) and enabling them to tell stories through blogs and other social media outlets.

Normally, I would have taken Lorraine for drinks for her birthday but since she’s up North, a blog post will have to do. Lorraine, I’m very proud of how far you’ve gone, and as I told you once – you rock, and you WILL continue to rock, long time. Have fun up North, change people’s lives, show them the way and then assimilate them into the Cthulhu :)

Raul, you can count on me!

If I had a blog

If I had a blog

Yeah, thanks there, Kye Grace. If you need blogging lessons, I can hook you up, ya know.

She's got legs! And Cake!

She's got legs! And Cake!

From Suzy Cakes on Facebook

and last but certainly not least (because I’m sure I’ve forgotten some, some are not compatible with WordPress.com, and besides, I have this particular object on mail order, and Nancy better not forget it!):

Julian Sez Happy Birthday!

Julian Sez Happy Birthday!

from Guacira Naves