Jaws, re-edited to reveal the advertising pitch meeting we all sensed was latent in the metaphor-infested waters of that bloated old mauler.
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
:: 
Category Archives: humor
Bohemian Rhapsody in Scottish: Hebridean Rhapsody!
By those musical greats, the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre!
Also posted by Collin over at Cornell Finch.
Unintelligible, mangled, “r”-rrrrrollin’ lyrics decoded after the jump.
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
Kant stomach smuggling
Seriously, if you haven’t got the guts for heroin smuggling, you really shouldn’t take a job as a drug mule.
Particularly not if there’s turbulence.
A PASSENGER on an Australian-bound plane vomited up a bag of white powder suspected to be heroin, forcing the plane to turn back to Vietnam.
The Vietnam Airlines plane had been flying for an hour after leaving Ho Chi Minh City on Saturday when an Australian man of Vietnamese descent took ill, airline officials told the state-run Tuoi Tre newspaper.
The aircraft turned around and made an emergency landing at Tan Son Nhat Airport, where the man coughed up two more bags of white powder. He was detained by police and taken to hospital.
Another newspaper, Lao Dong, reported that doctors found another 30 bags in the man’s stomach.
It identified him as 35-year-old Nguyen Kant.
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
the jPod expansion pack has arrived!
But not technically landed. via Fark.
It’s pinkish and smiley. It’s stuck to its momma’s side, rising in and out of the waves like a shiny merry-go-round creature…
Scientists won’t know if the calf is a male or female until it rolls over and shows its belly. They do know it belongs to a family of local orcas called the J pod. And they know it has three siblings.
That’s good news for the little orca, which is being called J42 according to birth order.
The unit automatically upgrades to Carnivore in 12-24 months, and has an expected window of operability of between 20-40 years, depending on usage.
Note that installation of the jPod unit in a SeaWorld environment may void your warranty.
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
stormy weather
So…it finally stopped raining.
And I have been waiting patiently for an hour as a…
slug…
makes its slow, patient way across my ceiling, occasionally looping downward on a connecting wall, although never down enough for me to take up arms, or at least stubby brooms, against it, then suctioning its painful, Sir Edmund Hilarious way back up, out of reach.
If it lets go and falls on my clean laundry, I think I may just have to kill myself.
Still, I guess it’s a step up from last year, when I had to pick mushrooms out of the carpet in my living room. I love my apartment: if I stay here long enough, eventually I’ll be able to farm salmon in the bathroom.
:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::
raincoaster 