These are the best Irish jokes you’ll hear all day, unless you go over to Smoke&Mirrors where I stole them from and read the whole whack all at once.
It should be noted (or is that “noted it should be”?) that:
I’m Irish Catholic on one side and Irish Protestant on the other, my favorite pub is the impeccably authentic Irish Heather, I host a literary gathering that meets at the Shebeen, the women of my immediate family are somewhat, and quite inconveniently from time to time, renowned for the Second Sight, my uncle goes over to Ireland on vacations to teach them how to play the fiddle, my grandfather was an infamous warlock, and there’s a Bend Sinister in the gene pool somewhere for bonus points.
So I have total Celt cred.
1586 words of the most amusing Irish jokes around over the jump. But not the leprechaun nun one. Gross!
How Irish. It was either post about sex and deathor go read some James Joyce, and who can handle that sober, eh? I ask yez.
In news sure to warm the rapidly-cooling cockles of convenience-minded necrophiliacs and suicidal sex addicts alike, the Swiss self-offing rights group Dignitas has opened a sort of members-only Hotel California(you can check out, but you have to leave in a box via the freight elevator) next door to a brothel.
Dignitas had launched a mobile service after being forced to leave its Zurich flat. It admitted last November that it had dispatched four people – including two in public car parks in Swiss beauty spots.
The country’s law insists that agencies that help arrange assisted deaths do it for ‘honourable reasons’ and do not profit from death, apart from charging basic fees. Dignitas claims that the cost of organising suicides is £5,000.
Karl Rütsche, a spokesman for Schwerzenbach council, said it was not happy when it heard Dignitas had settled in its community but was powerless to act. ‘Of course, as a council we tried to stop them moving here and we fought the Dignitas decision tooth and nail. We didn’t want the country’s biggest sex club and largest death factory side-by-side on our doorstep.’ He added: ‘Having lost the battle to keep them away at least we can say that – on a positive note – everyone now knows where Schwerzenbach is.”
True, dat. Too bad they won’t exactly become regular visitors. In related Irresistible Metaphor News, both the cat house and the death house are in the soul-killing confines of an industrial park. And Dignitas lost its earlier location because of some kerfuffle about corpses in the elevators. How undignified!
cross-posted to TeenyManolo, even though I’m sure I’ll catch crap for it
As our devoted readers know, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog are vigorously opposed to sexism. Naturally, then, it is with mixed feelings that we present the following: it is both too bizarre to ignore and by its very nature completely sexist:
The purpose of this website was to test market interest through a pilot scheme.
Applications for donation packs have far exceed the expectations.
Our clients are calling a halt to the invitation to apply for packs,
and will review the results of the scheme to decide on how to proceed.
All submissions sent to the website are fully protected under Irish privacy regulations,
and will not be released to ANY third party.
Well, presumably eventually they WILL be released to a third party, or what’s the whole point?
Does this company know their market or, like, what?