Category Archives: Humour

electronik supersonik

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via Fark. How did this piece of unrestrained glam rock Boraticism and bad Engerish escape me for this long? Long live Molvania!

Hey baby, wake up from your asleep.
We have arrived on to the future and the whole world is become…

Electronik, supersonik. Supersonik, electronik.

Hey baby, ride with me away.
We doesn’t have much time.
My blue jeans is tight,
So on to my love rocket climb.
Inside tank of fuel is not fuel but love,
Above us, there is nothing above
But the stars above.
All systems gone, prepare for downcount!
5
4
3
1!
Offblast!

Fly away in my space rocket.
You no need put money in my pocket.
The door is closed I just lock it.
(Hah!) I put my spark plug in your socket (Hah! Ha ha hah!)

The sun in sky is bright like fire!
You and me gets higher and higher.
Heart of communication fire!
Only thing can stop us is flat tire.

(Hah! Hah! Ha ha hah!)

Hey love crusader, I want to be your space invader.
For you I will descend the deepest moon crater.
I is most stronger than darth vapor.
Obey me, I is your new dictator.

For you is Venus, I am Mars.
With you I is more richer than all the czars.
Make a wishes on a shooting stars, then for you I will play on my cosmic guitars!

Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your beltseats.
We has commenced our descent.
I trust you enjoy this flight as much as you enjoy this accent.

Now, back on earth, is time for down splash.
Into sea of eternal glory my spaceship crash.
People have arrived for to cheer me from near and far.
And as I bloat, I open door and shout:
I am world’s biggest washed-up superstar!
(Supersonik, electronik)

As for sure as the sun rises in the west, of all the singers and poets on earth, I am the bestest.
Come, let me put ring of jupiter on your finger.
Then, like a smell around you, I will forever linger.

Okay, is time for end, no more will I sang.
Let me take you back in time, I want for you to experience big bang.
Long live space race, long live Molvania.

 

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quote o’ the day: Jackie Mason and Frank Sinatra

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via Former Frontier Editor: Jackie Mason is speaking:

Frank Sinatra saved my life.
One night at the Sands, four guys started beating and kicking me within an inch of my life. Just when I thought I was going to die, Frank walks by and says,
“That’s enough, boys.”

Frank, a little to the left and more twinkle, please!

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pic o’ the day: say hello to Mr Blobby!

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Ain’t he a charmer? You can see he takes after his daddy. I wonder if it’s true what they say about noses and…

Mr Blobby!

The pic was taken by Kerryn Parkinson of the NORFANZ expedition by the Australian Museum. Mr Blobby is a Fathead (guess where they got the name?) or Psychrolute, and he is obviously loved for his warm personality. Or his staggering wealth; he’s no uglier than Aristotle Onassis, come to think of it.

Mr Blobby rolls with a posse, yo!Hmmm, is he single?

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Dana Carvey and Stephen Colbert: skinheads from Maine

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In the fine tradition of Dave Chappelle’s Clayton Bigsby, Black White Supremacist comes Carvey and Colbert’s Skinheads from Maine. Ayuh.

“What ya whittlin’ theayah?”

“Hate stick fuh beatin’ on the Spaniahds.”

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the return of the whistler in darkness

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from the Archive, and you should read THIS first. I mean, you can go ahead and read this one first instead, but that’s probably only your best option if you enjoy being confused and experiencing the futility of busted and ersatz suspense. In which case you should be reading Ionesco and leaving me the hell alone.

I have cracked the mystery of Screamer, Screamer 2.0, Yeller and Whoo!It’s all the fault of indie music. That rock an’ roll gits the blood ta boilin’ and the youngun’s git up ta all kinda mischief.Pat’s Pub in the Patricia Hotel now features the few local bands who do not actually suck. They’ve even made it into the Georgia Straight, twice. That’s lovely. Vancouver needs good local music groups. Vancouver does not need groups of incoherent yet voluble and active drunks spilling out onto the street at 2am. Face it, if they’re loud enough that the locals in this locale are complaining, they’re just too damn loud.

Patricia, sweetie darling, could you maybe get them a room or something? You always prided yourself on being the only respectable hotel on the Downtown EastSide, so why not live up to that? How about having your bouncers follow them and smack them around a little bit when they start with the Whoo, Scream, Scream, and Yell? Is that too much to ask? Wait, let me help you…

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