Julian Assange Smug Life. I got 99 problems but a snitch ain’t one
Just because I’m going on the road tomorrow and will be away from my computer and THE WAY THIS WEEK IS GOING I EXPECT ALL THE AWESOME ASSANGE/ANONYMOUS/HACKER STORIES TO BREAK WHILE I’M OFFLINE, I’m putting this here so I can be smug later.
Not that I’m not smug by default. But, you know, more. In writing.
It is perfectly clear to anyone with their head screwed on straight that Julian Assange is going to be granted asylum by Ecuador.
On August 12, after 613 days of Assange’s detention (53 of which have been spent at the Ecuadorian embassy in London), WikiLeaks tweeted that an announcement by president Rafael Correa was imminent. Leaving nothing to chance, it used Twitlonger to offer instructions to supporters in case a) the request for asylum was granted or b) things got complicated.
As seems inevitable in every WikiLeaks story, things got complicated….
- Ecuador announced that, gee, there sure was a lot of material to go over and it would be Wednesday at least before any announcement would be made.
- Then, unnamed Ecuadorian officials in Quito today would told the Guardian that Assange would certainly be granted asylum, done deal, all over but the fat lady singing.
- Then, President Correa, apparently not one to take leakers on his own staff lying down, subsequently took to Twitter to specifically deny the rumor, while shedding no light on his possible decision.
It has been perfectly obvious since the moment we all heard he’d materialized within the embassy (somehow…without being seen) that he would get asylum. Julian Assange is not a guy who throws himself on the mercy of random governments without making sure he’ll have a soft landing.
He hasn’t been seen since. He hasn’t even done a Skype video interview, and again, mark my words: if Julian Assange can’t handle some simple call forwarding magic then I’m Hillary Fucking Clinton. Knowmasayin’?
He hasn’t been seen in public, in fact, since May 24, when he appeared wearing a black “Emergency” Anonymous mask created by WikiLeaks Truck artist Clark Stoekley. And before that, other than one RT interview, not for another whole month or so. He said he missed his final extradition appeal ruling because he was, “Stuck in traffic.” Hell, I’ve used that one myself.
Julian Assange is, if he wasn’t before, officially a man of mystery.
But there’s no mystery about his fate. He’s allegedly been holed up in that embassy for something like 55 days, the Ecuadorian decision having been deferred till after the Olympics closed, no doubt at the request of the UK, who didn’t want to be upstaged, what with organizing all the athletes and the Spice Girls and everything.
The entire span of time has been nothing more than an elaborate stall, to allow Ecuador and the UK to work out some plausible way he could end up out of the UK’s hands (“not my chair, not my problem,” says Cups Lizard) and in Ecuador. Technically, there’s the issue of getting the body out of the embassy and across UK territory to either a boat outside the legal territory of the UK or, conceivably, an aircraft or space ship outside of UK airspace.
Barring the timely arrival of the TARDIS, it seems impossible, unless Assange is equipped with the forepaws of an enormous groundhog (and where do you get those out of season? I ask you) for tunnelling under the Atlantic ocean.
Mark my words, Julian Assange will be granted asylum, you won’t hear how he gets out of the embassy (unless they can pull something plausible out their asses at the last minute), and he will materialize in Quito, probably by Thursday.
Almost certainly while I’m away from the computer, not that I’m overpersonalizing things.
Don't keep it to yourself!
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raincoaster 
Lorraine, I really like your style, the way you write, the interviews you make are always very interesting and original…..why dont you do a “Greenwald” and move on to a better more well known venue? You’ve got plenty of talent.
Thanks, that’s really kind of you to say. I do have an assignment from the Guardian, but they didn’t like the first draft. I have to raise my game if I want to work for them regularly.
And the people at the Daily Dot are awesome. They are a great team of fun, helpful people all of whom have more pure journalism experience than I do. Much as I like to swear at editorial cuts and deadlines, they are great to work with and I’d miss them if I left.
Also: let’s just say the major news outlets are not beating down my door. Anonymous, hackers and leaks are not mainstream enough to be very marketable, and my style is quirky. But I did have an interview Friday with On the Coast, CBC’s afternoon radio show; if it works out, I’ll be on a weekly panel discussing current events. Hope I was amusing and interesting enough in the interview. Wish me luck.
Lorraine those are great news! I wish you the very best and keep us post it.
Suerte
Thanks!
Besides it’s clear you know what you’re talking about, raincoaster, and this is very rare when speaking of tech stuff/web journalism/hacking communities/Internet dynamics and related arguments.
Maybe you could try the Guardian, they are changing editorial line in these very days ;P
I’m going to put you all down as references, okay? If I ask John Young he’ll just tell me to get fucked, references are lies, resumes are fabrications, etc, etc.
I want to get my big Anon vs Pedo story out before I hit the Guardian up for that. They don’t really have anyone doing Anonymous on a regular basis except Barratt Brown and I can’t see myself knocking him aside
Indeed. RC is more knowleadgeable in these areas than many self described “experts”
Thanks! now, tell all your local and national papers, tv and radio stations.
I will, do you know Spanish?
Nope. I can count to five in Spanish, thanks to Count von Count on Sesame Street, but that’s it, alas.