Category Archives: Lush Life

fart-proof panties

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Fartypants, yoAlso excellent for birth control, as anyone who sees that you wear these horrific remedial incontinent-Grandma pants will cut (out) like the wind.

The Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool.

Having recently returned from the Valley of the Shadow of Conservatism, I must take a moment to note for posterity that, no matter what the level of fine or otherwise dining one may be enjoying there, the main course is always accompanied by a hearty serving of boiled, frozen broccoli and cauliflower. Always. I believe this to be a subtle yet effective adaptation to the climate; a clever way of ensuring that Ontarians do not freeze in their sleep, as their beds will be cosily heated for hours from the pre-heated gaseous emissions resulting from the breakdown of said side-dish cruciferousness. Cruciferocity. Whatever; it’s nothing to do with Catholicism. There is obviously no market for these pants in Ontario, regardless of the religious demographics.

I’m wondering if, after a certain point of flatulence and resultant inflatuation while wearing these pants, one achieves the ability to fly, Hindenburg-style? I can just see currently-sexagenarian Richard Branson snarfing down some quick Taco Bell and attempting to set a new record for underwear-powered flight. And, of course, if this method of transportation catches on it could revolutionize the car and aerospace industries as well as meaningfully reduce global warming and cause the entire tax system to be re-evaluated. I forsee a boom in the legume and dried turkish apricot markets very soon.

Buy low, sell high.
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quiz: which classic dame are you?

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Check this out, unbelievers! I stole this delightful little test from View from the Event Horizon.

 Gentlemen, what are you all doing on the floor?

Barbara Stanwyck
You scored 33% grit, 23% wit, 42% flair, and 9% class!

You’re a tough dame, a bit of a spitfire, and you can even be a little dangerous, but you do it with such flair that almost all is forgiven (and even when it’s not, you’re still the most interesting woman in the room). You can be witty and charming, all right, but you have a tough streak that keeps you focused and sometimes deadly. You’ve had quite a climb to get where you are, but you’re a hard worker and you mostly deserve all you get…and then some. You might end up destroying everything around you, but you must admit…you’ve got style.
Your leading men include Henry Fonda, Fred MacMurray, and when you forget yourself, Gary Cooper.
Find out what kind of classic leading man you’d make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.
Why, yes. You CAN buy them for me.My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on grit
 
 You scored higher than 99% on wit
 
 You scored higher than 99% on flair
 
 You scored higher than 99% on class 

Yeah, suck on that, haterz! I’m classy!

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the facts of life

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You called?  

and the fact is, in a perfect world the facts of life are revealed to your delicately budding sensibilities in the presence of none other than America’s Sweetheart and Sexiest Man Alive, George Clooney. 

I, apparently, grew up in a perfect world. And so did you. Who knew?

what is he doing with that hand? Can he come over and do it here?

The simple fact of life for George Clooney, however, is that the poor man will never, as long as he lives and no matter what he achieves, including Oscars, Sexiest Man Alive Hall of Fame status, earning a coveted internship on the good ship Fugger, even achieving the Presidency, bringing about world peace and/or saving the planet from paparazzi/mutants/asteroids/misunderstood minorities gone bad, he will never live down this haircut.

Work that mullet, boy!

You take the gel,
You take the bangs,
You take them both and there you have the ‘do Clooney.
The view ew-ee!That's quite the Flock of Seagulls quiff, dear

There’s a time you gotta go afro
You’re growin’ out,
You know about the blowdryer.
Oh no, feathers!

When the look never seems,
To be working without the Brylcreem.
And suddenly you’re finding out,
The Caesar look will help you out.
The greying works too.
Hot Dippity-do!
A goatee pour vous?

It takes Christophe to get it right,
But you’re learnin the facts of life.
Learnin the facts of life.
Learnin the facts of life.
Learnin the facts of li-fe.

Tootie, as usual, gets the best lines.

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all this useless beauty

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Carousel to nowhere 

 

Is it better to have been loved and lost, than never to have been loved at all? These sites, galleries of photographs of an abandoned Japanese amusement resort (click on the pictures for more) raise some intriguing questions about the nature of beauty and loss.

roller coaster in fog

If we’re being honest it seems pretty clear that, had we seen this place when it was going strong, we would probably (as the jaded grownups we have become) consider this to be a pretty tacky amusement park, which is a bit like calling something a pretty water-resistant duck. Amusement parks are amusing, but they are rarely sophisticated or ironic. And they are rarely beautiful.

But now look.

roller coaster

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quiz: which of the Ancient Greek Muses are you?

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Polyhymnia 

And so we continue on Intellectual Day, here at the ol’ raincoaster blog. This quiz reminds me of the time one of the guys at the station on Barney Miller was giving a costume party and Wojo wanted to go. “Great,” said Dietrich. “It’s Come As Your Favorite 4th-Century BC Philosopher.” Of course, I would have to be ahead of my time…by about two centuries.

You scored as Polyhymnia. You are Polyhymnia, the muse of sacred poetry. Religion is the biggest part of your life, and you’re not afraid to let everyone else know. You are kind of shy and not great at letting people know who you really are.

Polyhymnia
88%
Thalia
81%
Erato
69%
Calliope
69%
Terpischore
69%
Clio
63%
Melpomene
63%
Euterpe
63%
Urania
50%

Thalia...but she's weirder looking than Polyhymnia, so I had to use her instead

Which of the Greek Muses are you?
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