Category Archives: Lush Life

lamb/sheep/python turducken

Posted on by

You know what a turducken is, don’t you? It’s that rare delicacy formed by stuffing a dead animal with another dead animal, which has itself been stuffed with a dead animal, etc etc etc, which is, finally stuffed with junk food. Kinda like Britney Spears. My mother had a recipe like this that began with a sparrow centre and concluded with a layer of camel, but then, my mother was untraditional in the extreme.

Well this Malaysian python decided that he was gonna save some poor, hardworking chef all that trouble, and went for it himself.

Behold the python that swallowed a ewe.
What’s he to do? He swallowed a ewe.
He swallowed a ewe too massive to chew.
The ewe was expectin’, so he swallowed two.
Then up he threw.

Python Ewe Lamb Turducken for table #4!!!

things I have not found blogworthy recently

Posted on by

And here I thought I wasn’t jaded. Now that's what I call broadband!

  • the naked guy in the park on the night of the last full moon, who came out of the bushes to admire Hermione’s very snazzy blue scooter, but had to go back in shortly to protect his … I think it was a pot of gold?…something like that…from the “scary people you get around here.”
  • the contents of the grille around the base of a small maple tree on the sidewalk in Chinatown: eight cigarette butts, three needles, one syringe, several Chinese candy wrappers, three old lottery tickets.
  • the contents of the grille around the base of a small maple tree in Yaletown: eight cigarette butts, six with lipstick, and one Champagne cork.
  • the time we all had to evacuate the bus when the guy who had been talking about Dostoyevsky got up to give his seat to a woman with a baby and a rig fell out of his pocket.
  • the fact that the next vehicle with which I interacted was a Lamborghini, which made it all better.
  • the fact that the amazing healing powers of the Lamborghini have previously been unreported.
  • the peculiar incident of the dog in the night-time. And Nina. And the homeless guys. Long story…some other time, perhaps.
  • the fact that every Segway ever made turns out to be disastrously faulty and dangerous, so the Segway‘s been recalled. Just like the US 2004 election…oh, wait…

the T factor; thieving Italians in Vancouver

Posted on by

Anybody know these guys? The link to the video was posted over at Waiterblog, so believe me, they’d better not dine out in Vancouver again. I don’t know why, but chefs here tend to be both burly and armed with an interesting and vast assortment of very sharp implements.

Two dirty italians decide to film their dinner and a dash in Vancouver BC. This happened on February 2005. The restaurant was the Rugby Beach Grille. Alessio says: “their service one night sucked real bad and they were rude…so we decided to come back and get our money’s worth…”
Well done boys.

Lagerfeld’s new lingerie: Seductive Baboon

Posted on by

From Gallery of the Absurd, via Defamer. I’m so incredibly relieved; for awhile I was thinking that the casting couch must have some very esoteric tastes. Assflaps? And that…thing that Lohan shared with the whole world in Venice. And Santa Monica. And Malibu. And…

The Truth Behind Starlet Crotch Photos

There has been an alarming increase in the frequency of starlet crotch photos across the blogosphere. You’d have to be from Jupiter if you’ve not yet seen photos of Paris Hilton’s weathered bits splashed all over the internet. If you’ve checked the gossip blogs lately, you’ve also been subjected to the regrettable vision of Lindsay Lohan’s “fire crotch” as she exits a vehicle while wearing a miniskirt sans underwear in front of a pack of eager paparazzi. Our reporters here at Gallery of the Absurd wanted to get to the bottom of this disturbing trend and we can now share with you what we learned:

We’re pleased to report that these young ladies are simply wearing Karl Lagerfeld‘s sizzlingly sexy new line of lingerie – Seductive Baboon. Lagerfeld noticed striking similarity between the mating behavior of the female baboon and that of certain free-wheeling Hollywood starlets and was inspired to create a line of underwear that resembles the swollen ass of a baboon.  We know, it’s hard to tell the difference, but that’s where Lagerfeld‘s genius is apparent. Sexy, no? Karl shares his insight with us:

Unka Karl on assflaps

Parisbaboon

We adore the Paris Hilton version of Seductive Baboon underwear! They even have a little pocket sewn on so that “Crabby” has a dark place to hide when there’s too much sunlight disturbing him.  Folks, there’s no longer any need to gouge out your eyeballs after you see yet another photo of Hilton’s crotch…rest assured, she’s wearing Seductive Baboon. Available at fine stores everywhere.

Lindzboon

bye bye, barbie

Posted on by

It's a real downer 

The leaves are falling and so is the rain; yes, barbeque season is officially over. Better bring in the hibachi before it rusts away to nothing. Watch The Tongmaster and relive the golden moments of summer. Or just laugh at these weenies. Whatever.

from Paul at the Waiterblog forum: