My god, another shockingly accurate internet quiz! The implications are terrifying; imagine our deepest secrets laid bare at the whim of anonymous, random Blogthings!
You Are Coffee Bubble Tea
You are a delightful contradiction. You’re always trying to have the best of both worlds!
You defy convention and expectations. You do things your way just because you can.You are energetic and unapologetically enthusiastic. You always have something to be hyper about.
You go nonstop until you crash. You’re pretty good at wearing yourself out.
I saw this embroidered Marilyn Monroe quote done by Rosie Geissler on TheDailyWhat and decided it went perfectly with my Mylene Farmer post from yesterday. Monroe was never the most independent of women, but after a very rocky youth, she did develop a strong sense of self and in her maturity if she chose to be dependent on men, well, it was her choice to make.
Goodbye Norma Jean, we never knew you embroidered at all
Oh dear. This will not end well (and if you read the comic books, you KNOW it didn’t) but here’s poor, young Master Dick getting seriously pushed around by upper management, just because they all know damn well as a ne’er do well circus orphan he’s got exactly zero other offers on his plate.
But enough of this nonsense! Let us view the super-sekrit, shocking videotape of Grayson‘s contract negotiations with a certain shady Mister Bruce Wayne.
I forget who said that, and am far too lazy to google it, but s/he could well have been talking to the victim of this particular food blogger. Allow me to present (yes, our third YouTube in a row, but it’s too good to pass up) the trailer for Bitter Feast, the tale of one chef’s revenge on a whorish, mean-spirited, lowest-common-denominator pandering food blogger:
The film centers around celebrity chef Peter Gray whose career is ostensibly ruined by a scathing review on the ficticious food blog “Gastropunks.” When Chef Gray is fired (by none other than Mario Batali in a cameo as a restaurant owner improbably named Gordon), he exacts revenge, taking the blogger hostage and torturing him in a series of Food Network worthy extreme cooking challenges. If the blogger can cook a perfect over easy egg, he can eat it; if not he’s got egg on his face — literally and delivered by way of a sizzling frying pan to the noggin.
Which is (bear with me here) funny. Before you run off screaming and accusing me of being all coldblooded Eating Raul and such, listen up. And think up. Think: do you know any food bloggers? You do, don’t you? And those food bloggers…are they big ol’ meanies like this Gastropunk here, or are they perhaps a little more on the pander-to-Yelp-for-possible-kickbacks-I-MEAN-SPONTANEOUS-GOOD-TREATMENT side? I know many food bloggers, quite a few of whom are fair and principled, and quite a LOT of whom are more interested in pandering to chefs and managers than in pandering to mere readers. Which is to say that disinterestedly critical food blogs are a rare phenomenon, and that this movie isn’t just fiction: it’s speculative fiction, something like a Cuisinart Jurassic Park.
Can you IMAGINE what things would be like if there were, say, an island of truly snarky, untamed bloggers roaming free? It’d be like…Manhattan!
I couldn’t find any “what kind of food critic are you” quizzes, but I did find a Personality Disorder test, a What Nut Are You quiz (you MUST be one, if you’re a blogger, right?), What Herb Are You (I’d rather be Kiki!), and What Taste Are You (you’ll have to ask my ex). So, enjoy?
You Are a Pistachio
You are funky, freaky, and a total character.
You’re very different than anyone you know.
There’s no way you’re changing the way you are…
Which is good, because no one wants you to change.
and such, listen up. And think up. Think: do you know any food bloggers? You do, don’t you? And those food bloggers…are they big ol’ meanies like this Gastropunk here, or are they perhaps a little more on the pander-to-Yelp-for-possible-kickbacks-I-MEAN-SPONTANEOUS-GOOD-TREATMENT side? I know many food bloggers, quite a few of whom are fair and principled, and quite a LOT of whom are more interested in pandering to chefs and managers than in pandering to mere readers. Which is to say that disinterestedly critical food blogs are a rare phenomenon, and that this movie isn’t just fiction: it’s speculative fiction, something like a Cuisinart Jurassic Park.
raincoaster 