I’m pretty sure I only got this result because “Velma from Scooby Doo” was not an option.
You Are More Like Marilyn Monroe |
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Some people may find you to be intimidating, but you are truly sweet and kind. You tend to draw people in with your attractiveness. You are a sultry and irresistible flirt. You are glamourous and dramatic. Being gorgeous is important to you, and you go all out to look your best. |
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It’s that perennial Christmas favorite from General Ursus; you remember him, the chauvinistic, homicidal military fascist from the Planet of the Apes? not Dr. Zaius, the one with the blog and the snappy musical. The other one.
Played (as always) by GenX icon and YouTube favorite and phenomenon Brian Atene, who teases us that he has more where that came from, going up on Christmas Day.
I’ve been thinking of getting a pet. This one looks perfect:
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You’ve got ONE day, Vangroover. Contest ends tomorrow.
What are you doing sitting at home when you could be at the Vancouver International Film Festival, watching movies that the nasty greedheads you know and love from Entourage never got their filthy paws on? How can you be there? Easy:
You win my contest, you get tickets. Two tickets to one of these films FOUR tix to the film of your choice. (not includig galas, not including sold out performances, not including getting the star’s phone number; you’re on your own for getting those) Simple, right?
How do you enter? You leave a tasteless joke in the Comments section right here, preferably a tasteless Hollywood joke. Or, if you can’t think of or Google a tasteless joke that nobody else has told yet, you can just leave a plain old vanilla comment. But tasteless jokes get automatic priority in my completely slanted system. Tasteless jokes featuring Cthulhu count triple!
We’re talking Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. You want to see Heath Ledger‘s last (and possibly best) movie, don’t you? Support the twisted genius of Terry Gilliam and piss off major studios while you’re at it.
We’re talking The Agony and the Ecstasy of Phil Spector. Who doesn’t want to know what twisted, murderous mania lurks under that hideous fright wig? A man who is capable of convincing himself that THAT looks good is capable of anything.
(sorry, the Beeb took down the trailer and it’s not on YouTube yet. You KNOW what you must do, little soldiers)
We’re talking Beyond the Game, World of Warcraft made actually interesting for non-WoWers. I just want to see if this can be done in the first place, really.
We’re talking…hell, just READ this:
Empire State Building Murders (France,
73 min.) <EMPIR>William Karel (The World According
to Bush) has created something entirely
new. He’s “mixed” scenes from more than 50 classic
film noir and recruited the very much alive
Kirk Douglas, Lauren Bacall, Mickey Rooney and
Cyd Charisse to play along from the point of view
of today, adding whole new layers of meaning.
Ben Gazarra leads us through this seductive maze.
I dunno about you, but frankly Ben Gazarra can lead me through a seductive maze any time. It’s Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid meets … well, every film referenced in Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Trailer is here: Empire State Building Murders
and we are talking about The Great Contemporary Art Bubble, which is basically every story John Richardson ever wrote for Vanity Fair magazine, in documentary format. Watch Damien Hurst sell dead critters for more digits than you’re accountant has ever seen! Watch ostentatious Eurotrash frenemies air kiss in Monte Carlo auction houses! Watch…the auction audience, trying to spot the prostitutes.
Let the Great Tasteless Joke Contest for Vancouver International Film Festival Tickets begin!
A Sixties stoner cowboy movie about Jesus: why not, eh?
Apparently the DVD 
And a review from Badmovies.org:
You are probably thinking to yourself, “It couldn’t be that outlandish. Could it?” Go and look up “naive” in the dictionary. Now.
The entire movie is an anecdote [I think he means “allegory”] for religion, Christianity to be precise… Greaser’s Palace is a huge saloon in some tumbleweed town out west… Seaweedhead Greaser is the Catholic Church as represented by a gunslinger with itchy trigger fingers. Why in the world does he have a mariachi band and his mother locked in wooden cages? The musicians are easy to explain; they provide entertainment while Greaser tries to have bowel movements (which he is unable to do)…
Right from the start it is evident that Greaser hates Lamy Homo (pronounced as “lay me homo”). He shoots, stabs, and even dumps the little guy down a well. The Church’s efforts to eradicate his homo problem are to no avail; Jessy keeps bringing the reluctant Lazarus back. Lamy consistently recites the same story upon his return from the other side and it’s a trip. Readers old enough to remember when Puff relaxed immigration laws and all those runny noses invaded Honah-Lee (Honalee? Hon-a-lee? Who knows?) might identify with me. It’s that weird.
Any movie about Western religion would be incomplete without Martin Luther; so where is he? He is the man trying to perform a card trick for Seaweedhead. Check it out, the would-be magician does the old “pick a card, any card” bit. He then holds up card after card, inquiring “This one? How about this one? That one?” Poor Martin Luther, trying in vain to decide which interpretation is correct. History says the man finally gave up and just wrote something to the effect of “Figure it out for yourself!” Then he went to get a hammer and nails, but I’m getting sidetracked.
Not at all, not at all. It makes SO MUCH SENSE now. If only I’d seen this movie before I took all those Religious Studies courses at University!
raincoaster 