celebrity sex toys: Brad Pitt edition

Hokusai Wave 

Ah, Japan. Land of the Rising Sun, the cherry blossom, mystical Mount Fuji, and blithely flaunted sexual perversions that would curl the toes of a back street dominatrix.

How I love you.

Yesterday I finally took a long-delayed trip around Japanprobe, and was not disappointed. There I found delights such as the lonelygirl15 of the East, the video blog of an inflatable sex doll’s day-to-day life in the booths (account now unaccountably suspended, whodathunkit?).

cherry blossoms and Mount Fuji

Among the gems to be found on the site was this, and for it I am truly grateful. Not that I own one. No, no, no, perish the thought.

Besides, I don’t have a credit card.boy and Mount Fuji

I remember with fondness the old Spy article about what Hollywood stars will get up to for money as long as they think none of their real fanbase will ever see it; Peter Fonda as an alien whose ejaculations are so powerful they blow the head off his partners comes to mind (so to speak). Yet, somehow, I suspect that this not-so-little beauty wasn’t exactly approved by the man whose image is being used to sell it to legions of Orientals of both sexes who rationalize, not without some justification, that this is as close as they’re ever gonna get to that cowboy from Thelma and Louise.

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Chad Vader, Night Shift Manager (part 4)

I’d totally shop at this store. They’re in the credits; at the least, I can encourage my Wisconsonian friends to buy their arugula and sprouts at the Willy Street Co-op.

Provided By:

WE HAVE A LOT MORE SHORT COMEDY VIDEOS; CLICK HERE

Major changes for Chad.

CHAD VADER In Major changes for Chad.

CHAD VADER Interview and more at http://www.splu.net/
GET CHAD VADER T-SHIRTS and other fun stuff through CafePress: http://www.cafepress.com/ch…
Brought to you by Blame Society Productions. …
Written and Directed by Matt Sloan and Aaron Yonda

Chad/Hal – Aaron Yonda http://myspace.com/splu
Clint/Voice of Chad – Matt Sloan http://myspace.com/sloan11
Jeremy – Paul Guse
Clarissa – Christina LaVicka http://myspace.com/christin…
Weird Jimmy – Craig Johnson
Lionel – Bill Bolz
Randy – Brad Knight http://monkeybusinessinstit…
Customer – Kristian Knutsen
Shoplifter – Josh Klessig http://rashfilms.com
Tammy – KeaLynn Kees
Dog – Skyler

when giant octopus attack Goonies!

Stole this from Cracked‘s piece on Most Absurd Deleted Scenes of All Time. Definitely worth it for the Steve Carrell, not to mention Jay (of “and Silent Bob“) scarifying a couple of hookers into giving up the profession. via Defamer.

Movie: The Goonies
Director: Richard Donner
Why this scene was deleted: Because having a giant killer octopus appear in the final act of a movie that, up to that point, had at least pretended to exist in the real world, makes absolutely no fucking sense. If Donner had ended his next film, Lethal Weapon, by having Pterodactyl fly out of the sky and attack Riggs and Murtaugh, it wouldn’t have been any less nonsensical. [raincoaster knows, as the editors of Cracked apparently do not, that Octopi of this size do, in fact, exist]

Also, by cutting the infamous octopus scene and leaving in Data’s line later in the movie that confusingly refers to it (“The octopus was very scary!”), Donner was able to push his apparent belief that Asians are prone to exaggeration and not to be trusted, an agenda he was able to further explore in Lethal Weapon 4, quite possibly the most racist movie ever made.

Why this scene was ever shot: Probably because some old college buddy of Donner’s was on the payroll as “Unit Manager, Octopus Effects,” and kept nagging the director and bringing up “all those times I bailed your ass out in the Quad” until Donner finally sighed and said, “Alright, fuck it. Let’s shoot the ‘pus.”

Google buys YouTube for $1.65 bajillion

seriously, a bajillion and a half, plus

No shit. And the countdown begins to the black dawn when Sergey and Whatsisface will put YouTube on ice, as they’ve so long dreamed of doing. So much for all my lovely videos.

White ‘n Nerdy, we hardly knew ye.

how to make a celebrity sex tape

The hardest working man in show bizSurprisingly, you don’t have to be a celebrity to make a celebrity sex tape. You don’t even have to know a celebrity. You don’t even have to be able to pick a celebrity out of a lineup (hint: it’s the thin one with the eyeliner, the PA, and the short attention span).

There was a time when the word “celebrity” meant something. A time when you had to achieve something great in the world in order for someone to look up to you and care what you had to say. Celebrities were the kings and queens of our modern times. Nowadays, celebrity status is easy to come by. You could be the son or daughter of a rich person, you could get your nuts caught in a vise while your friend videotapes it, you could whine on a webcam or you could be a washed-up former child star. You could be anybody and be called a “celebrity.” Which brings us to the subject of this article.

When word leaked that Dustin Diamond, Screech from TV’s “Saved by the Bell,” was shopping around a “celebrity sex tape” of himself and two ladies with a penchant for shit on their upper lips, I began to question the use of the word “celebrity.”

Well exactly. In the perfectly modern, perfectly meta economy of the 21st Century you can become a celebrity by making a celebrity sex tape. Film Threat has all the how-to’s for you (via Defamer).

Best of luck on your cinematic debut, and don’t forget the little people; not everyone is Ron Jeremy, ya know!