Crowning Glory

From nearby in the blogosphere comes news that the stars are nigh unto aligned and the glorious new era is upon the threshold. From news sources and historians comes evidence that the allies are preparing, making smooth the way for the return of the Great Old Ones.

From Olde Strasbourg:

 

This was during the Krakatoa eruption, when Rlyeh briefly surfaced

This was during the Krakatoa eruption, when Rlyeh briefly surfaced

Yes, the allies from the kings of the jungle even unto the smallest vermin that crawls, unseen yet lathesomely felt, through the teeming maze of our urban decayscapes, have begun to unite in expectation of The Great Rising!

 

Why is it always Germany? Are their rats particularly activist?

Why is it always Germany? Are their rats particularly activist?

Science shows that, in at lesat some cases, rat kings/crowns have been formed while the attached rats were still alive and growing, indicating strongly that these rats were holy, set apart, and that servant rat classes brought them food and attended to their every sordid bodily need while they awaited the glorious Return of the Great Old Ones.

Evidence (you KNOW we’re all about the evidence around these parts):

rat crown xray is all sciency and irrefutable, so there!

rat crown xray is all sciency and irrefutable, so there!

As well-documented in the manuscript known as The Call of Cthulhu, such a pivotal time affects not only the lower orders, but also the sensitives among us, from the most Strindbergian slam poet to the dandies of the Royal Portrait Gallery.

Rat King, the watercolour

Rat King, the watercolour. Somewhat Twomblyesque, non?

Even innocent embroiderers have had hideous glimpses of the godless Gordian knot:

And in another age, these would have been daisies!

And in another age, these would have been daisies!

Truly a motif for our time. We can only shudder and whisper horror-struck guesses at the unspeakable, Transformer-like superpowers to be unlocked by a successful unification!

Rat King sculpture, RATTENKONIG! COWER, MORTALS!

Rat King sculpture, RATTENKONIG! COWER, MORTALS!

Rat King Perfection ACHIEVED unlocking superpowers now

Rat King Perfection ACHIEVED unlocking superpowers now

Soon, very soon, Cthulhu will rise again.

Okay, whose job was it to bring the vaseline?

Okay, whose job was it to bring the vaseline?

Just as soon as we get this situation straightened out.

You’re all invited!

Cthulhu Cake

Cthulhu Cake

It is a fact universally acknowledged that when Julian Assange marries me, this will be our wedding cake. Cry all you want, jealous losers, it WILL happen. TEH CAKE IS NOT A LIE!

Iz NOT!

Iz NOT!

Sulk all you want: he stll isn’t going to go out with you.

Our guest list will be exclusive, and we’re really proud to say that we’ve just got an RSVP from a very important celebrity. Not to drop a name, but, well, if you’ve been around you’ll have heard of him. TENTAQUIL!

I, on the other hand, wish I was a Fakemon

I, on the other hand, wish I was a Fakemon

Y’all had better start working on your outfits ASAP: this is one wedding with a STRICT dress code.

here's the image Photobucket took down

not everyone can pull off this look, particularly because of the suckers

Octopus speedo unsafe at ANY speed

Top THAT!

Animal Hats of the Rich and Famous

Hetty was VERY surprised at what happened next

Hetty was VERY surprised at what happened next. You don't fuck with Cthulhu

As we’ve mentioned before, you do not mess with an Acolyte of the Great Old Ones, and you do not throw shade on somebody else’s Animal Hat. Not if you want those mortifying Facebook photos to stay secret.

Julian Assange gets an updo!

Julian Assange gets an updo!

 

 

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Octopus Video, I Love You!

REAL demons of Cthulhu would never hula-hoop in His Scaly Presence

REAL demons of Cthulhu would never hula-hoop in His Scaly Presence

It’s no surprise to any of our regular readers that we’re big fans of all things tentacly here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, whether they be octopoid, squidderiffic, or straight-out Cthulhoid. And why? we are constantly asked.

Because we like to be on the winning side.

The great Cthulhian Revolution has begun. He has risen. Here, direct from sunken R’lyeh in the non-Euclidian Triangle, comes startling footage of the uprising. Fighting back against the loathesome bipeds who have for too long terrorized the planet, a nameless rebel seizes first the communication channel and then the weaponry.

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu arises!

Octopi

OCTOPI, the number of the Beast

OCTOPI, the number of the Beast

Now, divide by zero and join in a rousing chorus of HAIL CTHULHU!

On Tumblr, this post has been reblogged 1607 times. Let’s see how WordPress.com does in comparison. My bet? Less than 1% as many; in fact, my bet is zero reblogs.