The Golden Telephone

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read “$10,000 per call”.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.
“O.K., thank you,” said the American.
He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same “$10,000 per call” sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone.
He arrived in Canada, and again, in the first church he entered,
there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read “40 cents per call.”
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
“Father, I’ve traveled all over America and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?”

The priest smiled and answered, “You’re in Canada now, son – it’s a local call”.

Memo of the Week: Team America, NC-17 or NSFW?

Here is a snippet from the memo Matt Stone sent the MPAA censors regarding the breakthrough cinematic work Team America, World Police South Park: The Movie. I am sure they were as delighted to receive it as Stone was to send it.

Not!

Stone Memo

Via Boingboing and The Hot Blog. God, wouldn't it be lovely to make any movie you wanted and then send memos like that to professional prunes? Almost worth putting up with Hollywood.

WWFSMWear?

Perhaps He would wear this spiffy Flying Spaghetti Monster Crocheted Hat. Self-referential, sure, but great for keeping the ol’ strands cosy and dry.

FSM chapeau

The Flying Spaghetti Monster Hat

The Pope has a special hat. Rabbis have special hats. Rastafarians have special hats. Why not Pastafarians?

This hat is crocheted (I assume you could knit something similar). Unfortunately, I don’t how to write patterns — my grandma taught me how to crochet in a rather freeform manner (she also made the best spaghetti and meatballs, EVER – coincidence?). So here’s a very rough guide…

Fsm hat front view

Now put on your hat and waggle your noodly appendages in His name — you’re warm, blessed, and look like a complete dork. AMEN.

Modeling hat

I’m sure she meant to say RAmen.

Meanwhile, I think we can see in this video an unheralded, early sighting of FSM Himself. His vengence is terrible: I miss the Swedish Chef so much…

useless facts: perfect for looking as if you’re actually working!

Via Fark. A collection of 371 useless facts and, surprisingly, the ones I've bothered to verify (ie the ones I know off the top of my head) are actually correct!

  1. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
  2. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."
  3. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at home!) [actually raincoaster can keep her right eye open. It's a long story]
  4. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
  5. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
  6. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
  7. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

Well okay, Mr. Rogers is dead. But it's not like he was defrocked or anything. Or even decardiganed.

Operation Global Media Domination: Operation Deflation

TIAYou know you've entered the insane levels of the No Green M&Ms Concert Rider/spending most of the party in the bathroom with Nicole and Lindz celebutasticism when you check your stats at ten in the morning and are crushed – CRUSHED – to see you're only at 498 hits so far. And only #50 in the top 100 blogs on WordPress.

CRUSHED, I say!

Today

101 bottles of diet coke, 523 mentos 197

Linkie o' the Day: Beautiful Agony 31

Clay Aiken Michael Sandecki Flashdance    24

Shiloh shocker photo exclusive!    15

Watch the World Cup on your computer    9

Operation Global Media Domination: Egg Day    8

Hottest Pickup Lines of the Fourteenth Century    7

The 100 Most Influential People in History    7

Streaming Eagle Cam 3.0: Swartz Bay    6

Operation Global Media Domination: The Search for Meaning    4
 

 Meaning. Yeah, the meaning of all this is that cool science trumps sports, ourdoorsiness, and sex. At least, for those who spend their lives online; but is this exactly news?