Good evening, kittens. We would have been here for you in the morning if only the government website had shown today’s briefing on Trudeau’s schedule at 4am, which it did not. We checked. We checked at 4am, we mean, not that the briefing was at 4am, although they all look like morning people to me. We wouldn’t put it past them.
We are trying, my friends, trying hard not to take it personally, and we’d like to thank the person in Hamilton who called a wrong number and woke us up in time to do the briefing, but as we did not know it was happening, we simply cursed Hamiltonians generally and went back to sleep.
Old and Dull: what we perceive is reality. New and Shiny: what we perceive is hyperreality. Woke and Broke: I can't even tell what level of reality I'm doubting right now.
But we are here, now, adequately caffeinated and with a cup of tea by our side (second person plural, singular side; we are all on the same side now, aren’t we?). Mango green tea, to be specific, because we have to be specific, because we have a word count to hit,
We are Professionals.
Yeah Bela could get it.
Today’s briefing is named after the 1918 Bela Lugosi film The Picture of Dorian Gray, a Hungarian adaptation of the original English. Oscar Wilde had only been dead 18 years at that point, which is rather mind-boggling if you think about it. That would put him at 2002 relative to right now. History is freaky, kittens. History, my friends, is a total mindfuck.
Bela played Arisztid Olt, who was Lord Henry Wotton in the original version, and a perfect character for a character actor like Bela.
Lord Henry is a man possessed of “wrong, fascinating, poisonous, delightful theories.” He is a charming talker, a famous wit, and a brilliant intellect. Given the seductive way in which he leads conversation, it is little wonder that Dorian falls under his spell so completely. Lord Henry’s theories are radical; they aim to shock and purposefully attempt to topple established, untested, or conventional notions of truth. In the end, however, they prove naïve, and Lord Henry himself fails to realize the implications of most of what he says.
We ARE in a mood lately, aren’t we? We shall cease abusing the faint remnants of our blog readership and get to the actual briefing. Yes, I’m stalling.
Well kittens, in case any of you are playing #BriefingBingo you can mark your “Technical difficulties” square because my computer is NOT cooperating today. Stand by.
Here are your cards, including the shiny new 7th Gen card from last Friday:
and all of our other Covid Briefing Bingos are on the category page.
And here is our video, again from CPAC:
At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. The prime minister is joined by Anita Anand, the federal minister of public services and procurement, Dr. Howard Njoo, Canada’s deputy chief public health officer, and Major-General Dany Fortin, the new vice president of logistics and operations at the Public Health Agency of Canada and head of the country’s vaccine distribution efforts. In his remarks, the prime minister announces that Canada has signed an agreement to receive early delivery of up to 249,000 doses of the Pfizer/BioNtech COVID-19 vaccine. The first shipment could be delivered as early as next week, contingent on Health Canada approval of the vaccine. Vaccination could begin within one or two days after delivery. These first doses will be distributed to 14 sites across the country. Canada’s agreement with Pfizer calls for up to 76 million total doses of its mRNA vaccine candidate.
And here is your Full Text of the Remarks (not including the questions from the press). Every now and then I think I could just transcribe it but A) then I wouldn’t be able to livetweet it B) the PMO staff eventually get it online within a calendar day or so C) I’m lazy af.
Welcome back, kittens. Welcome to another episode of 2020. We’re here to cover Justin Trudeau’s Covid-19 briefing today, and to respond to the demand of literally none of your requests for a Seventh Generation Bingo Card. Play one or play them all; it’s 2020 and nothing matters anymore.
The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; The centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world; the blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere.
To date, labs across 🇨🇦 have tested 11,739,689 people for #COVID19, w an average ~3.3% positive overall. Over the past week, on average 74,596 people have been tested daily (w 7.4% +ve), as #publichealth#TestandTrace.https://t.co/ZArmpJMAM3
Holy crap, Alberta has an almost 10% Positive rate! Alberta is fucked. Tent field hospitals and trench graves lie in their future.
Here’s our video for today:
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.
Fewer than 650 views. Canada is clearly not in ANY MOOD for another Covid-19 briefing. But here we are, kittens. We happy few are one in our esoteric taste in edutainment in 2020.
We are later-calling the COVID briefing bingo for today, for lo, we were still asleep when the briefing itself happened. If someone wants to pay us The Big Bucks (like, any. Any bucks. We’re not proud) we’ll be happy to not sleep through two different alarms. One is using the royal “we” of course. We have no idea why. One has no idea why. One and we blame the multiple alarms.
Whatever.
We or I am of the mind or minds that we or I or all of us have run out of Paul Naschy werewolf movies and rather than re-use the titles of the many ones which have been re-titled, we are moving on to Bela Lugosi movies, several of which ALSO boast multiple titles. Movie laundering: it’s just like money laundering only you only make 4%, not 30%. Bela was hot.
Bela could Get It.
So today’s briefing bingo is named after the officially Worst Movie of All Time, Plan 9 from Outer Space. That’s NUMERAL nine. Because we fancy like that.
Here are our cards. Mark one or mark them all. Nothing matters anymore.
and all of our other Covid Briefing Bingos are on the category page.
And our CPAC video. Do we think they’ll ever reply to our message? No, kittens. No, we do not. But it’s okay. We’ve still got our poetry.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.
Man, even the CPAC captioning team is half-assing it these days.
Today’s briefing bingo, which is really yesterday’s briefing and today’s possible bingo, is brought to you by the Paul Naschy movie The Mummy’s Revenge. Why ask why? It’s 2020 and nothing makes sense anymore.
More and more I believe when I’m dreaming is when I am most awake
Here’s our video of the briefing, which took place as we mentioned, yesterday. I was busy having a life, okay? It was quite a refreshing change, and I’m sure I was deeply missed by all briefing participants. Would a retweet KILL YA?
But I’m over that.
Here’s our CPAC video:
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa to provide an update on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He announces that Major-General Dany Fortin will lead the federal government’s vaccine distribution team. The prime minister also comments on his conversations with premiers regarding the COVID-19 vaccine rollout. He says, if everything goes well, most Canadians will be vaccinated by September 2021. The previous day, public health officials said they were expecting to be able to vaccinate three million people by March 2021. Trudeau also announces $542 million funding to help First Nations, Inuit and Métis communities and groups establish their own child and family services systems.
And here are our bingo cards. Yes, I need to Get On that seventh generation card, but at this point I figure we have until at least June, so there’s no particular rush.
And all the previous bingo episodes are on the Briefing Bingo Category page. Which might as well just be the main blog page, because I’m putting nothing much else here these days.
Me in high school: WHY AM I SPENDING AN HOUR A DAY LEARNING ABOUT A SUBJECT THAT WON’T HELP ME IN REAL LIFE?
Me now: Oh boy a new episode of my podcast about dolphin social hierarchies
This is the only year in recent history when the question “What’s new?” qualifies as trolling.
To begin, we have “Begins in English” and “Facial Hair” and “Back at Rideau Hall” and “Outerwear”. Methinks those suit colour squares are going to go unchecked until, say, March or April. I bet he’s cheating and not even wearing the jacket under that coat, as would we in his place.
“We are in some of the toughest days of this pandemic and we are going to have to hold on tight.”
Somebody took care of the scuff marks on the door, I notice. Doggy scuff marks or human scuff marks? Enquiring minds want to know, because it’s 2020 and we’re desperate for entertainment of any sort. Anyway, they’re gone.
According to extensive research during #COVIDCanada, Cdns want fairer, more just society. One that takes steps to unwind inequality. One that works towards greener economy & environment. The very essence of what PM & the many leaders spoke about#cdnpolihttps://t.co/b3virrKPOY
— Caroline (northernck on alternative sites) (@northernck) November 28, 2020
Now we’ve got “Rapid tests” and “PPE” as Trudeau rattles off some figures about how much of this stuff the government is sending out. And yes, new record high infection rates in several provinces, which is just like a daily thing now. Or rather, twice-weekly, as we only get the briefings on Tuesday and Friday. I might as well set my calendar reminders permanently at this point.
Oh, and one for Wednesday too!
We may not be able to host town halls like we used to, but I thought we could try something new – next Wednesday, @CAFreeland and I will host one virtually. We’ll need some questions from you, though, so click here to submit yours and sign up to attend: https://t.co/VVRmgoYXcTpic.twitter.com/D8xugJ4w7i
Trudeau is now “pushing responsibility to provinces” so mark that one off. He’s laying out just how the federal government is stepping up and, by implication, challenging the provinces to step up and use their budgets and their borrowing power to help their citizens.
I have a question to all the white supremacists out there : can you really claim that your race is superior when most anti mask protesters are.. White.., anti science and anti facts?? #COVID#COVID19#onpoli#cdnpolihttps://t.co/JYOa7ByChi
And mark your “Vaccine” square. And “Team Canada” and “App.” There are 5.5 million people using it and 31.38 smartphone owners in the country, so there is still a long way to go.
It's disingenuous to pretend that Canada and that provinces can't do this. We did it during H1N1 in a matter of weeks. Canada regularly get adults vaccinated against Flu and we do a great job between family practice clinics, pharmacies, schools, universities, workplaces #cdnpolihttps://t.co/YCIjkmVCr3
On the Seventh Generation square I should definitely have a square for “The Roommate breathes loudly through his nose to indicate disapproval of the fact that he has lost control of the remote control.” But that virtually guarantees I’ll have moved out by the time I post it.
Oooh, motivation!
He’s not finding a new way to give Canadians money, he’s just running down all the ways he’s already given Canadians money.
There is “We have your back.” And I totally have to put that on the Seventh Generation card before it goes stale. Remember “From Coast to Coast to Coast?” Once that got on a card it was never seen again. I’m more influential than I thought, clearly!
I don’t know my own strength!
That sounds like “Donc” to me, so mark that one. And he’s alternating between “flattening” and “bending” the dreaded Curve. Neither of those are squares yet, but we got “every step of the way” so mark that. Repeatedly. And I note that I’ve got the same square for “Briefing ends abruptly” twice on the Sixth Generation square.
And definitely “Thanks the Armed Forces” square is in action. And “Gesticulates” too. And now either the Prime Minister is warming up or Ottawa is cooling off, because you can mark your “Can see your breath” square. Well, that was gesticulation to a positively aerobic extent, let’s give it its due.
And there goes the moderator yelling at him to do it again, in French. Unilingual countries’ leaders have it way easier comparatively speaking. They don’t need to hire people to yell at them; their people will do it for free!
There’s your “Sign language interpreters swapped out” square, mark it. Not even 30 minutes into the actual briefing, inneresting.
And mark the “Drinks water” square and “Twinkleface.” If I were Justin Trudeau I would not be twinkling at the CBC, but it’s his call. And it does in fact look like he’s wearing a suit jacket underneath that coat, either pale blue or grey. We’ll see what colour the trousers are when he goes back inside.
Oho, plot twist! They are black! Surely Justin Trudeau would not wear a pale grey or blue suit jacket with black suit trousers (even if he would put brown shoes with a grey or blue suit, which is, again, JUST MORALLY WRONG). So, again, we are unable to tell you which if any suit colour square to mark off.
And that’s a wrap. No mask this time, I note. Not that it’s really necessary for a man to go from his front door to a podium and back.
See you Tuesday unless something happens. Or nothing happens. It’s 2020: anything or nothing could happen at any moment!
Today’s briefing is brought to you by: the 1988 Paul Naschy wolfman movie Howl of the Devil. And by mercifully late starts as one waits for the coffee to brew. Today, as we “enjoy” intermittent flurries, it is a particularly low-energy day, and neither for the first nor the last time I wish I had my trusty espresso machine by my side.
The ‘puter is being super-laggy today, so that’s great. 2020 is 2020ing. I should take some of that juicy CERB and put it towards another machine. If only there were some “made in Canuckistan” ones with no Chinese parts. Oh well, I’m generally doing pretty well on that Boycott China thing. And hey, found my new Christmas cards already:
Charlie Brown has gone full “Fuck around and find out.”
But to the Briefing! Here are all our Briefing Bingo cards. Play one or play them all. Or play an idiosyncratic subset. The hell I care?
Mark your “starts more than ten minutes late” and “My aunt calls during the briefing” and “Reporter sits in the front row,” a reporter I’m not entirely sure is wearing pants. Choose the colour of your leggings carefully, people!
Here we go:
At a news conference on Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. The prime minister is joined by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, the deputy chief public health officer.Actually, I DO recommend that mashup
The Related Video list for today’s CPAC #Covid19 Briefing from YouTube is a thing of beauty and consternation. Madonna’s “Dress You Up”, noir jazz which is the perfect 2020 soundtrack, and a mashup that begins with the immortal words “Okay, are you ready to go? Let’s start this motherfucker up.” Took the words right out of my mouth. By all means, let us do even so.
CBC is so passive-aggressive. They literally couldn’t be more Canadian if they tried. Just take a look at the thumbnail on their version of the live coverage. Compare and contrast to the CPAC one in the video up there.
Cheery opening to the briefing, and by “cheery” I mean bleak because it’s #2020, with new record high diagnosis rates in several provinces and Nunavut too. “Begins in English” square active. And a story about “Jonathon” in Ontario (hello Doug Ford, are you listening?) who values the economy, but values the lives of his friends and family more. Be like Jonathon. And Trudeau reminds people that doing the best things to protect friends and family is also doing the best thing to protect the economy, because dead people don’t buy shit. Well, he only implied that last part. I may be paraphrasing slightly.
I feel incredibly bad for PM Trudeau. Whatever you might think his failings are, he's a decent man who is compassionate and empathetic.
Watching the citizens he's charged with "leading" die off due to populism, ideology, bad management and ignorance must be soul killing. https://t.co/DQPqFha1sa
And we get another reminder that federal supports to the provinces “are not infinite”. That’s the politest threat you’ll ever hear. Make no mistake: it is a threat.
“Second wave” active now and “Vaccine” and also “CBC cadence” and “app”. Haven’t had the CBC cadence in a long time; seems like I’m not the only person whose batteries are running down.
Note to Canadians: if and when the Moderna vaccine is approved, the first 100 million doses are earmarked for U.S. government. We are lumped in with the company's European production. I learned this reading the newspaper #cdnpoli#COVID19
302192 cases and 11000 deaths so far says Dr. Tam. 6.6 positive rate, which is gruesome and three times the rate of the spring. And the disease is spreading more in the elderly too, in co-op living, long term care homes, and hospitals. Full info on the Health website.
2/2 Over the past week, an average of 58,408 people have been tested for #COVID19 daily across Canada, with 6.6% of these people testing positive as #publichealth continues to expand #TestandTrace capacity to meet increased demands. https://t.co/ZArmpJMAM3
Oh, now we are apparently “planking” the curve. We were just “bending” it last week. I like bending better; it sounds like a surf movie. Planking sounds like work.
Mark off your “Dr. Tam’s red and black jacket” square and “Begins in English” and “Blue Suit” for Trudeau, from back when the briefing cards only included him because we all thought this would be over before shirtsleeves weather, and what fools we were. Ah, how innocent!
In Other Yet Simultaneous Conversation news, nothing I like better than getting thrown into a Twittercanoe about TERFs that resulted from a misunderstanding that could have been cleared up in 30 seconds if they talked to the person who made the error. So productive. MUTE CONVERSATION.
Question time:
Mark your “Touches face” square. And there’s a “Sorry” in there too.
Beautiful question about Scheer hiring his inlaws and the inlaws hiring his family. Bunted by Trudeau back to the Conservatives. “Shades the Tories” square active. And “Shades Harper” as well.
I HATE that I’m about to defend Andrew Scheer hiring his wife’s sister on any level, but here goes. There’s what’s allowable within the rules and what isn’t, and then there’s what bothers us and smells bad and what doesn’t. These are, importantly, different things. #cdnpoli 1/6
Yasmin Ratansi hiring her own sister was outside the rules as written. That’s a bright line. Scheer hiring his wife’s sister – we may not like it, but he hasn’t literally violated the rule. Is the line arbitrary and stupid? Maybe. But the difference still matters. #cdnpoli 2/6
There’s always going to be outrage and finger-pointing in the gray areas. We’ll never agree when it’s debatable, and partisanship will always rule the day. So we need, at absolutely minimum, to agree that when someone steps over a bright line rule that’s different. #cdnpoli 3/6
Call out Scheer if you want, call out Poilievre and others for their hiring and their hypocrisy. Have at it. But don’t obliterate the difference between inside the rules and outside the rules as you do it. The damage you’ll cause goes far beyond partisanship. #cdnpoli 4/6
Rules matter because they’re objective. Only people utterly determined to deny reality (coughTRUMPcough) fail to acknowledge them. If the rules suck then we make better rules. We don’t argue that the rules are unimportant or meaningless. That’s a death spiral. #cdnpoli 5/6
Without agreement that rules matter, all we’ve got left is a competition to be most outraged. And be outraged if you want, perhaps with good cause! Just don’t forget or deny that violating the actual rule, and outrage over a perceived wrong, are not the same thing. #cdnpoli 6/6
I really do need a square for “Fails to translate the answer”. Cuz my French is still ass. And you can just SEE my English.
Also “Snowbirds” needs to be on the next card. Florida is, clearly, the hill on which many Ontario seniors choose to die. It’s not THAT nice. Should we accept that request from the Turks and Caicos to take them over, turn Canada into an imperial power, just so we can have a safe and Canadian-government-run warm place to send our dimmer elders for a few months each year? Because when they go to Florida they bring all those nasty Murikkan cooties back with them.
And people wonder why I want to go back to BC
But seriously, isn’t that just what Victoria is for?
In related news, when some of those snowbirds returned in the spring, they apparently returned to entire communities they were barred by law from entering (see below). Maybe, I dunno, buy a real house if you’re rich enough to have more than one? These people bought houses in wintery zones that are not winter-proofed; apparently they rely on being able to leave the country when the weather changes. And when the epidemiological weather changed, their gated communities shut their gates against them.
“Drinks water” square now active. And “From the beginning” too. Good question about the reluctance to mandate a lockdown. There’s your “Gesticulates” square, Very Low Energy Day continues.
Random thought: Are masks with amusing words on them today’s slogan tees? Will we see articles about how unprofessional they are soon in Working Woman magazine? (spoiler alert: we will not, because it folded years ago)
Read. The. Room.
20 people died of COVID over the last 24 hours. And this is what you're tweeting about? https://t.co/30IDYdhW8b
Site C camp status: November 17, 2020 Number of people in camp1,512 Number of people in self-isolation at camp13 13 in isolation, and they're still bringing workers in. WHY?
A bit late with this, but mark your “Strenuous nod” square on the sixth generation card. Trudeau, not Freeland this time. Too bad: she’s an outstanding nodder, as well as a sharp dresser and probably the finance minister who will bring in UBI for Canadians.
Am I stanning? I feel like I’m stanning. < /stanning >
Oh yes, there’s your “Swaps out sign language interpreters” square. Did I already say “Second Wave” square is active? Mark it if you haven’t already. This damn computer is so laggy after the last upgrades that I’ll have to come up with a different way to do this next time. There’s your “Pushes responsibility to provinces” and “PPE” squares.
Multiple references to Christmas, so mark your “religious holiday” square, like twenty times. You just know if the Tories had a handy Jewish person they’d make a stink about the lack of other holidays mentioned, but they don’t and we all know it. There are Reasons For Things.
And Trudeau’s out. There’s your “Maple Leaf Accessory” and “Wears Mask” from the first generation card. And “Brown shoes with blue suit WHICH IS JUST MORALLY WRONG”. Justin, my late mother wants to have a word with you. She’s not so much angry as disappointed. The camera followed him out, but nobody was speaking, so no square for you!
Dr. Tam is “pushing responsibility to provinces” like a pro. But after six months, she IS a pro at this. We do need more uniformity across provinces and territories in the medical realm and PARTICULARLY in the coverage aspect. And mark your “Touches microphone” square too.
And Dr. Njoo is giving you his trademark “button down Oxford shirt” so mark that square. “Gesticulates with a pen” needs to be on the next bingo card for sure.
Dr Njoo’s pin looks an awful lot like a Mont Order pin. Weird. I rather doubt he’s part of the Order. Of course we have “Someone wears glasses” because Dr. Njoo is there.
That’s good. Testing at a higher rate than usual for the flu, but we’ve got a vastly lower rate of infection this year, in part because of the uptake in vaccinations, which reminds me to get mine. And mark your “Flu vaccine” square.
YAY! Mark your “Hockey” square FINALLY! ‘Bout time this was CANADA, amirite?
And now a question about how while the initially projected deaths 9 months ago were estimated to be around 10,000, we now have 11,000, something referred to as “a massive difference.” Well, uh. I’m on the fence. Was that a “Stupid gotcha question” or not? After all, the difference between 10,000 and 11,000 is only one thousand, not “massive.” I need to add a square for “Dr Tam explains basic science and/or math and/or logic”. She does it really well, too.
Dr Njoo makes a good point about Covid fatigue changing all the other risk factors. People know about masks and distancing, but they’re emotionally exhausted and deliberately saying “Fuckit. Fuckit just a little bit, just this once. Again.” I may be paraphrasing slightly.
And mark your “Technical difficulties” square as my internet briefly went down. Like I need yet another issue.
And we’re done. I’ll review later tonight and add in all the squares I missed because of logistical issues. It really doesn’t work to tab back and forth between the video. For once in my life I want another monitor, like a gamer.
And now for a slightly different perspective on the questions:
Its stupid question time! Up first Globe n Mail and of course stupid Scheer question. Follow up so so but still hoping Trudeau plays to hedes which he doesnt. Nat Post, decent yet rambling Q on rcmp, with crap interjection in middle, but eventually finishes Q ( simply your position on rcmp info report would do) follow up on recommendations ( after review of course). cdn press, oh good grief, do your homework, believe those supply chains set up under harper shipbuilding and davie bankrupt at time, but hey good work ..lol follow up, sigh cpc huawei bs, good grief, tho brings up michaels, ps PM not gonna negotiate in media. Cdn press anglo, oh boy snowbird Q, can you comment on stupid morons please ( ignoring travel advisory posted, but please attack cdns for good headline). Ctv now, holy shit stupid framing, and the old lets ask 3 Qs rolled in one, please ignore jurisdiction and provs refusing to give ok to feds, are you afraid, cripes like the girl on school yard screaming Fight fight fight you chicken.. Radio canada cppa act, oh this seems like good q, but doesn’t seem well asked but anglo translation could be reason for that. Star – Qs about vaccines, good Q and first one on vaccines, not designed for clickbait hedes. @raincoaster card must be filled by now.
I haven’t actually gone through the cards to see what’s been filled out and what has not been (That’s YOUR job YES YOU) but it sounds like a good project I could do while knitting or doomscrolling, so why not? I am sure we have ONE line completed, but I’d put good money down that we’ve not completed any of the cards in its entirety. I mean, we got “Blue Steel” once, but we’re never gonna get “Ascot” are we? Or “Attack and Dethrone God?” Anarchists the world over are praying for that one; but to whom? I asks yez.
This world we live in has a queen, and her name is @DollyParton, and every day I am grateful to share the same timeline with her. Her existence is a gift that keeps on giving. Truly the #GOAT of goodness. #DollyPartonhttps://t.co/Skqej2IWSM
raincoaster 