Category Archives: Science

bride of Barbaro!

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Y’all remember Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro, right? The sesamoid snapper whose recovery outlook is reported by the media entirely in terms of degree of “eye twinkle” he gets when the mares are around. I tell ya, it’s worse than being Brad Pitt.

Or Tom Cruise.

In any case, at the risk of diverting myself from a lucrative career as a blogger to an unproductive one of hypothetical horse matchmaking, I suggest that we introduce the poor gimp to this mare:

Sweet Nothing

Equine amputee puts her best foot forward
Plucky horse thrives after customized artificial limb replaces hind leg

If cats do indeed have nine lives, Sweet Nothing is living proof that horses have at least three.

Saved first from the slaughterhouse, then from a devastating leg injury that veterinarians said called for euthanasia, the small bay mare is now one of a handful of horses in the world to sport a customized prosthetic limb after her bad hind leg was amputated below the hock.

The best part? In true Canadian fashion, her new artificial hoof is made from a hockey puck. Who knew Red Green was such a talented vet?

today in Midwestern Octopus news

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Ohio Octopus

It’s not every day a mild-mannered MidWesterner catches a six-foot Pacific Octopus in the Ohio River, but it was Monday. Via Sploid.

“I thought, ‘This guy’s got to be drunk,’ ” Putt Where Waldo issaid. But “we looked at it and that’s what it was.”

The octopus might take the prize for weird discoveries at the falls, where park crews and visitors have found crocodiles and piranha-like tropical fish over the years — animals probably kept as pets and released by owners into the river and onto river banks.

If the Calamari Wrestler ever finds out who killed his cousin, the slime will fly!

Here’s a handy-dandy map of Ohio, just so you can wrap your head around how very far our Octopoid masters have learned to portage:

Octopus in Ohio Outrage!

master of the zombie boner

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Shaun of the Dead; boy meets ghoulsFor lo, we are an equal-opportunity gonad-make-funner here on the raincoaster blog.

Ya just can’t get a better headline than that one, eh? So I stole it wholesale from Gawker, who did this report pointing to a New York Observer piece on a cosmetic …penologist? who works his sexy magic with whatever bits of Alastair Cooke he can get on the black market out behind Dino’s.

In the name of enlargement, he’s prepared to sever its ligaments, yank it further out of your groin, inject it with fat, and wrap it an am empowering sheath of dead flesh. Not girthy enough? Fear not:

Right now, there are two methods of adding girth to a penis: injecting fat, or wrapping the penis in layers of cadaver skin.

Both have drawbacks, in that the body would like to absorb both fat and skin. Even corpse skin.

So in a way, your significant other gets to engage in a threesome that’s (at least) one-third necrophillic.

Cue the Lovecraft…ah, that’s how he got the name. I gets it now.

Aim for the Head!

Heather has two mommy-caverns

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Surf Safe!Well, it might not be Heather herself; it might not even be any Heather per se.

But this woman had better get a discount on tampons.

There have to be some consolations for going through life with two hoo-haws.

I lost my virginity twice. The first time was when I was eighteen. Then I lost the other side two weeks later. To the same guy. Flowertwat...there's a use for them.

You’d think I could have saved one of them for marriage.

From Esquire, (via Gawker) who really know how to give men what they want. So much for those gay rumours!

Ladyflower

where does oil come from?

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Who better to ask than the famous DrySquid Cowboy? An Elvis-talkin’, cephalopodian, ten-gallon-hatted cartoon figure is, frankly, no less authoritative on the Middle East than anyone else who seems to get on the news lately.