Furniture Sex: a cultural phenomenon whose time has come

It was Lisanti that started it, on Twitter. Cultural phenomena used to start in Rome and were carried, over the course of years, to the outer reaches of Europe, Africa and the Middle East. Now they start on Twitter.

Sic transit Gloria I didn’t know Gloria took public transit, now where was I?

Oh yes, talking about decadence and cultural devolution and short attention spans. And Twits. Tweets. Whatevers.

@lianamaeby Have you considered the possibility that Jason Schwartzman is fucking atop your building’s dryer?

He sez. And he goes on, all unashamed-like:

It occurred to me that some of you may not be interested in who might be fucking atop @lianamaeby dryer.But I say dryer-humping is beautiful.

It is at this point that I recall hazily that it was on Lisanti‘s watch that Defamer posted the notorious Peer Pressure video. Peer Pressure? you ask, or you do if you’re not too undercaffeinated to recognize a cue when you see one. Peer Pressure, the glorious YouTube record of the Pathetic, Skeezy, Gangsta-Lite, Ottoman Gang-Banging Empire.

This:

Previously, of course, there was the brain-scarring Chachi Loves Couches incident, of which we shall not speak. It is still too painful.

And where has it gone from there? From the obviously diseased mind of a broken and twisted blogger, cast aside by Technorati and wandering now in the wilds of Tumblr, where the tumblrweeds are all following one another. Also: size queen!

China Vagina
China Vagina

Which he stole from BrianVan.

But now the meme (I said meme; shoot me if you must) has broken free of its moorings and is careening about the memosphere, infecting all in its path. First Silverstar, then Az:

Where will it end???

Boston?

White Plastic Chairs Mating
White Plastic Chairs Mating

Even the Germans?

If you think that's sexy you should see his easy chair!
you should see his easy chair

Sex Sells

The question is, are you buying?

I forsee different target markets for these two fine celebrity products:

Clay Aiken singing angel music box

Clay Aiken singing angel music box

Oh Come All Ye Faithful indeed. As someone said, this is an historic occasion: the only time Clay Aiken has ever been on top of a box.

The artist’s statement:

I thought about what the average Claymate might appreciate and after careful study, concluded that most are likely to be collectors of the sort of trinkets seen advertised in the back of Ladies Home Journal. There’s a good chance many of them own unicorn figurines, music boxes, frightening dolls, Disney trinkets, or something atrocious by Thomas Kinkade.

Seems logical enough.

Now, the market for the following is rather different. Looks like ScarJo here doesn’t have the net savvy of, say, a David Hasselhoff; she’s let a mangy old cybersquatter offer her up like Miley Cyrus on a platter to the reader who can send the filthiest email. Then again: it might be the real thing. We all know how she loves her email buddies!

Scarjo is ready when you are!

Scarjo is ready when you are!

Amusement Parks of the Damned 2.0

Only in Hiroshima, kids. Only in Hiroshima.


Where Are The Dogs Humping.com

Ladyflower Alert!

The Earth Moved for MissRFTC

So, today on Twitter:

Twitter Vagina?

Twitter Vagina?

Okay, now someone please explain to me why, in the absence of specific Twitted information to that effect, everyone in the world, from Gawker to Valleywag to (briefly) the HuffPo, has concluded that she was having a pelvic exam.

All she actually said was, the doctor was in her vagina.

I’m thinking those people know much less about nooners and doctors than I do, and I say it’s 50/50 if you know what I mean.