This England??? For all those who love England’s green-faced, unpleasant, bland…

 Kate Moss...it was so long agoIt seems so long ago that legendary beauties Kate Moss and Sophie Dahl were discovered in England; things are apparently very different now.

Ladies and gentlemen, stop what you’re doing. While we have all been going mindlessly about our daily business, perhaps dropping a dime into a beggar’s cap, writing a cheque for Darfur, protesting the Iraq invasion, or tithing to Greenpeace, a silent crisis has been brewing in the United Kingdom.

Your dollars, your rubles, your rupiahs: they will not solve this terrible problem. Indeed, they seem to have pounds galore, more than they know how to spend properly: this commodity is more precious. Money cannot solve this. There is only one thing that can.

Beaver.

Gentle readers, click upon the link I shall give you, and as you do so, realize that in the land that gave the world the Spice Girls, this is what currently rents for £640 an hour. Keep the eyewash handy, people.

Book your flights now: do your part for England. Or at least, share your parts with England.

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Dr Who vs the Disco Daleks

What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a drag queen? Is it a drag queen?

Why, yes. Apparently it is. Or the next-best thing, a Disco Dalek with a Barbie handbag. Extra credit for making the Cybermen do the Robot.

Funny, I don’t remember that episode.

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then vs now

“Then” being back when I had a 9-5 (actually, more like a 5am-9pm) with Starbucks and “Now” being now that I’ve lived here long enough to be accepted as “honorary Chinese” at the shops around these parts.

Then: three kinds of pasta
Now: three kinds of seaweed

Then: Kitsilano restaurants four nights a week
Now: poverty vegetarian stirfry five nights a week

Then: jogging at two in the morning because that’s when I got home
Now: jogging at two in the morning because that’s as late as I can put it off

Then: chinos and “dress shorts” five days a week
Now: pjs and workout clothes 9-5, cocktail dresses 5-12. I think I have chinos…

Then: smelled like coffee
Now: smell like whatever Chanel scent I last bought when I had a windfall, currently Allure

Then: SpaLady gym 3x week, running in the rain
Now: climbing apartment stairwells and doing exercise videos 3x week, running in the rain

Note: never, not for a moment, consider joining a single-sex gym. At the SpaLady there was a large group (in all senses of the word) of Eastern European women, all of whom still believed that undergarments were still strictly rationed in the West. In order to preserve the structural integrity of their bras and cheap nylon granny panties, they wore them OVER their t-shirts and polyester slacks with the topstitched crease. And they did this while wearing curlers in their hair, accented with cheap polyester chiffon headscarves.

Please God I never have to see something like that again: a row of them on the stairmasters in front of me meant I would be switching to the rowing machine ASAP. A row of jiggling granny panties, with or without lace elastic ruffles, is enough to turn anyone bulimic.

website o’ the day: lolgays!

lolSanjina!

Join me, please, in extending a warm, tentacly, raincoaster embrace to lolgay.com, the newest, bestest site on the whole internets. Sure, you can has cheezeburger, but why would you want to when you know those calories go straight to your ass?

Lolcats = Web 2.0

Lolgays = Web 2.Oh!

wot u staring at?

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how to get into Courtney Love’s pants

Doesn't she look great? 

One-time offer! Now, for the low, low price of just $99, you, too, can enjoy the experience once limited to the greatest rock star in the world and, before that, to anyone who tipped the stripper in coke.

from Gawker:

Sure, $99 seems like a lot to pay for a pair of slacks that have contained Courtney Love, but all proceeds go to the Chrysalis Organization, an organization that helps homeless people and ex-cons find jobs. It turns out that Courtney Love is a big humanitarian! Well, not as big as she used to be.

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