For some reason, many men seem to feel that what women really want in a man is want is a yes man, ie someone who, no matter how outrageous her suggestion, always nods and says, “oh that sounds good.” I don’t know if these guys have watched too many episodes of SATC, or if they’re just cribbing off some lame Dave Barry short that he phoned in one day on deadline, but it is not actually true.
Women of a certain, not-too-distant-from-myself type, may want to do things their way, but they would prefer that all involved understand that this is because their suggestion is the best, not because their fellow is a doormat.
Note that although said fellow may, in fact, actually BE a doormat, it’s probably best for him not to give this impression. Given their druthers, women tend to gravitate towards opinionated animals as pets, not the hokey-dokey labrador type. This is telling, fellas. When the leadership finds out, they’ll put a hit out on my ovaries just for telling you this stuff.
Anyway…
So, given that asking and doing exactly what she tells him is, as we’ve agreed, out, what should the ideal boyfriend do for his ladyfriend on the big V-Day?
Exactly what Chuck Norris tells him to.
I know most men just want to spend Valentine’s Day like any other day – eating Doritos and engaging in a little heavy petting with their girlfriends. V-Day “shebangs” are taxing: they require time, planning and extremely large biceps.
However, after extensive research, I’ve devised a simple strategy: just call Chuck Norris.
To explain, since I’ve been at the University, and am thus more acquainted with what I like to call those “hipster, indie types,” I’ve been privy to a lot of interesting conversations. Most of them concern imaginary battles between trendy “It” fantasy genres: Pirate vs. Ninja! Robot vs. Lumberjack! Space Warriors vs. Chuck Norris! OMG, who will win?!? The answer is simple: Chuck Norris ALWAYS wins….
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If, like me, you grew up babysat not by living, breathing human beings but rather by the marvelously crude animated friends on the incredible flickering electric rectangle, you’ll love this.
We lost 
What better muse for a post-millennial Valentine’s than an aging, obssessive, hygiene-impaired, would-be-adulterous rocket scientist? I sense another Douglas Coupland book coming on…
raincoaster 