When Giant Pacific octopi attack

Octopus tattoo!

Metro passes along this beauty of an installment in our ongoing series When Octopi Of Various Kinds Attack. Yes indeedy, we here on the soggy left coast of the continent sure know how to welcome tourists.

By strangling them with our tentacles.

I saw a strand of red kelp drifting by. I noticed a line of white suckers running along it. Next something heavy dumped on my head. Another tentacle with delicate suckers curled in from below and pulled my mask away from my face, flooding it. I felt other tentacles squeeze the right side of my face and pull on my hood. I’d last seen my dive buddy peering into a crevice — he didn’t appear, although I turned around a couple times hoping he might take a photo. I tried to brush the octopus off my head, but he squeezed all the tighter…

The thing I like about this post most, though, is the way the diver doesn’t seem to think the attack by a Giant Pacific Octopus merits its own blog post, or really anything more vivid than a simple “and then it did this and then I did that and it let me live and then I went back down [ed. note: WHA????] and took some more pictures and they turned out well and…” The man clearly has icewater in his veins, so he should fit right in around these parts.

You just know that tattoo is going to be all over the Drive in about three weeks!

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pic o’ the day: Cthatch of the day!

From Defrost Indoors of Bridlepath; well, where ELSE would you go for your Cthulhu versus Little Girl imagery? Got to be a horse blog every time.

Don’t ask questions.

I THOUGHT the ground felt a little slimy

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Rav Jousting: Knights on cars vid o’ the day

There are no words for this…it makes insanity look like accountancy.

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fart-proof panties

Fartypants, yoAlso excellent for birth control, as anyone who sees that you wear these horrific remedial incontinent-Grandma pants will cut (out) like the wind.

The Under-Ease pants have an in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter made of felt, charcoal and fibreglass wool.

Having recently returned from the Valley of the Shadow of Conservatism, I must take a moment to note for posterity that, no matter what the level of fine or otherwise dining one may be enjoying there, the main course is always accompanied by a hearty serving of boiled, frozen broccoli and cauliflower. Always. I believe this to be a subtle yet effective adaptation to the climate; a clever way of ensuring that Ontarians do not freeze in their sleep, as their beds will be cosily heated for hours from the pre-heated gaseous emissions resulting from the breakdown of said side-dish cruciferousness. Cruciferocity. Whatever; it’s nothing to do with Catholicism. There is obviously no market for these pants in Ontario, regardless of the religious demographics.

I’m wondering if, after a certain point of flatulence and resultant inflatuation while wearing these pants, one achieves the ability to fly, Hindenburg-style? I can just see currently-sexagenarian Richard Branson snarfing down some quick Taco Bell and attempting to set a new record for underwear-powered flight. And, of course, if this method of transportation catches on it could revolutionize the car and aerospace industries as well as meaningfully reduce global warming and cause the entire tax system to be re-evaluated. I forsee a boom in the legume and dried turkish apricot markets very soon.

Buy low, sell high.
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pic o’ the day: Gramma’s got a gun!

Gramma's got a gun! Everybody duck!

For those of you unfamiliar with the raincoaster gene pool, here is an introduction.

This is my grandmother, age ninety-something and legally blind in both eyes for more than ten years, blind in one eye since D-Day, enjoying an afternoon’s shooting out at my cousin’s house. That is my cousin helping her hold up the rifle. The family that slays together stays together.

Note, if you will, that the propane tank is between the muzzle of the gun and the turkeys in the next field she is aiming for! Let it not be said that we are a race of namby-pamby risk hedgers.