whales 1: Japan 0

Killer whale attacking a grey 

For those of you who are not familiar with the whole idea of whales, here it is:

They are very, very big.

And they are very, very strong, and they are absolutely impervious to the idea that human lives are sacrosanct.

So, should you care to, say, go scuba diving with whales and crawl on top of a mother and her calf, and she sees fit to connipt slightly, sending you and your buddy on an excruciating, nine-hour journey to the nearest hospital, where you mist up as you give media interviews about how beautiful and Oprah-like the experience was, and how eager you are to repeat it, don’t be surprised if, somewhere out in the depths, the traditional clicks and whistles of whalesong are enlivened with an occasional evil chuckle.

In related news, in possible payback for the ongoing Japanese whale hunt (for “research” purposes, remember, said research resulting in such scientifically advanced products as fast food whale burgers) a lost and apparently confused sperm whale which was being pestered by several boatloads of Japanese fishermen deliberately flipped over one of the boats, resulting in the death of a 58-year-old man. At the time, the man had been engaged in an attempt to direct the whale from the bay in which it had strayed to the open ocean. Japanprobe has two videos and the Reuters report.

Don’t mess with Moby Dick.

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an RIP roundup: Jean Baudrillard, Captain America, and Ernest Gallo

Captain America 

No word on what happened to Julio.

Pour one out to that fallen giant of the American wine industry, Ernest Gallo. The rapidly-cooling Gallo rode his genius for marketing to the top of the affordable yet un-poisonous American wine market, turning a small, family concern who sold mostly to fugitive, chainsmoking Basques in the California hills into a giant international corporation with the most modern of production techniques, churning out their trademark carafes of Chardonnay like Ford popped out Model T’s.

According to legend, Ernest and Julio Gallo started their first winery in 1933. Using a $5,000 (£2,500) loan from Ernest’s mother-in-law and Julio’s savings of $900.23, the two brothers rented a cement warehouse in their home town of Modesto, California, and began making wines. With the help of a recipe they found in some prohibition-era leaflets in the basement of Modesto library they made ordinary wines for the bargain price of 50 cents a gallon, half the going rate. In their first year in business, they made $30,000 and an empire was born.

And pause, for a moment, to contemplate the meaninglessness of the so-called death of the irritatingly dense and famously obscure French Intellectual Jean Baudrillard.

Jean Baudrillard’s death did not take place. “Dying is pointless,” he once wrote, “you have to know how to disappear.” The New Yorker reported a reading the French sociologist gave in a New York gallery in 2005. A man from the audience, with the recent death of Jacques Derrida in mind, mentioned obituaries, and asked Baudrillard: “What would you like to be said about you? In other words, who are you?” Baudrillard replied: “What I am, I don’t know. I am the simulacrum of myself.”

Baudrillard, whose simulacrum has departed at the age of 77, attracted widespread notoriety for predicting that the first Gulf war, of 1991, would not take place. During the war, he said it was not really taking place. After its conclusion, he announced that it had not taken place. This prompted some to characterise him as yet another continental philosopher who revelled in a disreputable contempt for truth and reality.

And finally, we have America’s answer to the French Intellectual: the costumed superhero. Remove your cowl, clutch your cape to your heart, and stand with me, united in grief, over the senseless slaughter of Captain America.

As a symbol of waning imperial power, it is unmistakeable. Captain America, the stars-and-stripes wearing, blond and blue-eyed “pinnacle of human physical perfection”, is dead. The Marvel comics superhero, aka Steve Rogers, is gunned down by a sniper in the latest instalment of the comic.

The death of the man who was rejected by the army because he was too scrawny, but went on to take a “super soldier serum” to turn him into the ultimate warrior, came as a blow to his creator, 93-year-old Joe Simon. “We really need him now,” Simon told the Associated Press on learning of the death of his creation.

What do you say; I’m wondering if they’ve checked alibis for the Justice League

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now it can be told: Howard K Stern admits his sperm is useless

Gleesome Threesome?and Larry Birkhead‘s is better.

Howard K. Stern has reportedly admitted he’s not the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter Dannielynn and is now willing to sign over the paternity rights to the man who believes he is the baby’s real dad, Larry Birkhead for the right price.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a full-service lawyer. Not only will he be your beard, your bagman, and your drug runner, but he’ll also park custody of your kid until such time as the economics of the situation have been resolved to his professional satisfaction.

I do not know and can not say whether Howard K Stern and Anna Nicole Smith ever had sex, but I think we can all agree that he has certainly fucked Larry and Dannielynn over royally.

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suicide girls…and boys…and women…and men

Suicide Girls logoNormally, this is the kind of thing you check out at Snopes before posting: a roundup of allegedly authentic suicide notes. But because this comes from The Well, and from Art Kleiner, I’m going to give it the nod for straight posting. If he’s really been duped by a scheming, frustrated novelist of a coroner, that in itself is post-worthy, and besides, these are fascinating to read.

Suicide Notes

These suicide notes were gathered at the coroners’ offices by a suicidologist/psychiatrist who asked to be anonymous. He edited identifying details out of the compiled manuscript, and we changed the names. But the text of each letter plus the age and sex given are real. All these people did kill themselves. Were they ambivalent about it? About half the hundred or so letters we saw seemed to have some element of doubt.(There’s a strange story in computer folklore about a suicide note that appeared late one night on the Arpanet computer network. The other people on the network had regularly corresponded with the mean, but always under the name of his lab not his own name. When the message saying he was killing himself flashed on the screen they tried to call the police, but nobody could identify him, and he died.) — Art Kleiner

Single female, age 21

My dearest Andrew,

It seems as if I have been spending all my life apologizing to you for things that happened whether they were my fault or not.

I am enclosing your pin because I want you to think of what you took from me every time you see it.

I don’t want you to think I would kill myself over you because you’re not worth any emotion at all. It is what you cost me that hurts and nothing can replace it…

Married male, age 74

What is a few short years to live in hell. That is all I get around here.

No more I will pay the bills.

No more I will drive the car.

No more I will wash, iron & mend any clothes.

No more I will have to eat the leftover articles that was cooked the day before.

This is no way to live.

Either is it any way to die.

Her grub I can not eat.

At night I can not sleep.

I married the wrong nag-nag-nag and I lost my life.

W.S.

to the undertaker

We have got plenty money to give me a decent burial. Don’t let my wife kid you by saying she has not got any money.

Give this note to the cops.

read the rest

Give me liberty or give me death.

W.S….

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today in confirming your worst suspicions about humanity news…

Kimveer Gill and his gun 

Sales of the Beretta CX4 Storm 9-mm, semi-automatic carbine tripled in the month after Kimveer Gill used one in his infamous shooting rampage at Dawson College in Montreal which left himself and business student Anastasia De Sousa dead.

This is certainly a case that brings out the very best in people. And that’s the very best in these people.

Is it so very wrong to wish that all those additional sales result in suicides?

Kimveer Gill

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