Kant stomach smuggling

Kant. Can SO! 

Seriously, if you haven’t got the guts for heroin smuggling, you really shouldn’t take a job as a drug mule.

Particularly not if there’s turbulence.

A PASSENGER on an Australian-bound plane vomited up a bag of white powder suspected to be heroin, forcing the plane to turn back to Vietnam.

The Vietnam Airlines plane had been flying for an hour after leaving Ho Chi Minh City on Saturday when an Australian man of Vietnamese descent took ill, airline officials told the state-run Tuoi Tre newspaper.

The aircraft turned around and made an emergency landing at Tan Son Nhat Airport, where the man coughed up two more bags of white powder. He was detained by police and taken to hospital.

Another newspaper, Lao Dong, reported that doctors found another 30 bags in the man’s stomach.

It identified him as 35-year-old Nguyen Kant.

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today in Histrionic Overreaction News…

The Church Lady... IMPERSONATOR! 

Paging all colonic therapists, we have an emergency.

Woman expresses indignation at quote on Starbucks cup

Printed on the cup was: “Why in moments of crisis do we ask God for strength and help? As cognitive beings, why would we ask something that may well be a figment of our imaginations for guidance? Why not search inside ourselves for the power to overcome? After all, we are strong enough to cause most of the catastrophes we need to endure.”

It is attributed to Bill Schell, a Starbucks customer from London, Ontario, and was included on the cup as part of an effort by the company to collect different viewpoints and spur discussion

Starbucks spokeswoman Sanja Gould said the collection of thoughts and opinions is a “way to promote open, respectful conversation among a wide variety of individuals. ”

But Incanno said her Starbucks days are over.

“I wouldn’t feel right going back,” she said.

Door, ass, you know how it goes. This is the kind of thing that makes me glad I don’t work at Starbucks anymore. Not that I don’t enjoy interacting with the stupid and hysterical; in fact, I adore it. It’s just that … hmmm, how shall I put this???

Once, during my days as an assistant manager, I happened to have a performance review, and the manager of the time happened to be supportive of me and not particularly supportive of the way the company had decided to look for ways to divest itself of employee #202615, and he knew as well as I did that if I didn’t score “Outstanding” on the interpersonal part of the review, regional office would turf me. So he looked me in the eye and said, “I don’t think we need to discuss this part of the review. Given the difference between what you could say and what you do say, I’m giving you ‘Outstanding,’ on interpersonal skills,” and that, as they say, was that.

See, I actually slightly know the woman who had to play “evenhanded company spokesperson” here, and she’s always been very gracious no matter what the circumstances. That crazed, outraged, apparently-constipated-on-at-least-the-spiritual-level customer had better pray to her God that she encounter only such kind and mannerly spokespeople in the future, because if she ever crosses my path I’ll be bringing out the nukes.

Then again, there’s a reason companies don’t make me their spokesperson, the fucktards.

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don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t unpack

SailorsIt seems the US military is running short of personnel…something to do with the fact that they’re running out of people who are okay with the idea of being shot at for no particularly good reason or something. But, frankly, we never thought they’d get this desperate.

Sure, they’re sending soldiers with psychoses and traumatic stress disorder back into the front lines (hey, what’s the worst that could happen?). Sure, they’ve revoked the right of discharged or retired personnel to actually refuse to be re-deployed any time up until and/or including death. They’ve sorta kinda quietly starting redeploying people, even Reservists, up to four or five times. Sure, they’ve been caught on tape lying to would-be recruits about their chances of being sent to Iraq. They’ve been caught on camera coaching recruits how to fill in the answers in selection tests. And yeah, they’re even recruiting in malls full of white people now.

But no-one thought it would come to this.

They’re calling in teh gays.

From the Stars and Stripes:

Under the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, he was quickly discharged from the service.

But now — whether through a clerical oversight or what some claim is an unwritten change in policy to keep more gay servicemembers in the ranks at a time of war — Jason Knight is back on active duty.

Since promoted to petty officer second class, Knight is finishing a scheduled one-year tour in Kuwait with Naval Customs Battalion Bravo. And, already kicked out of the Navy once, he sees no need to hide his sexual orientation.

“I thought it was a joke at first,” he said, remembering the day he received his recall orders. “It was the ultimate kick in the ass. But then I thought, there isn’t much they can do to me they haven’t done the first time.”

It was comments by Marine Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, that spurred Knight to come out publicly a second time. In defending the military’s policy, Pace called homosexual acts immoral and contrary to military values.

“Though I respect [Pace] as a leader, it made me so mad,” Knight said.

“I spent four years in the Navy, buried fallen servicemembers as part of the Ceremonial Guard, served as a Hebrew Linguist in Navy Intelligence, and received awards for exemplary service,” he wrote in a letter to Stripes. “However, because I was gay, the Navy discharged me and recouped my 13k sign-on bonus. Nine months later, the Navy recalled me to active duty. Did I accept despite everything that happened? Of course I did, and I would do it again. Because I love the Navy and I love my country. And despite Pace’s opinion, my shipmates support me.”

Dear god, what a sailor! If they’d hire a few more of those and let them finish their terms without discharging them, they’da won this bloody thing by now.

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This England??? For all those who love England’s green-faced, unpleasant, bland…

 Kate Moss...it was so long agoIt seems so long ago that legendary beauties Kate Moss and Sophie Dahl were discovered in England; things are apparently very different now.

Ladies and gentlemen, stop what you’re doing. While we have all been going mindlessly about our daily business, perhaps dropping a dime into a beggar’s cap, writing a cheque for Darfur, protesting the Iraq invasion, or tithing to Greenpeace, a silent crisis has been brewing in the United Kingdom.

Your dollars, your rubles, your rupiahs: they will not solve this terrible problem. Indeed, they seem to have pounds galore, more than they know how to spend properly: this commodity is more precious. Money cannot solve this. There is only one thing that can.

Beaver.

Gentle readers, click upon the link I shall give you, and as you do so, realize that in the land that gave the world the Spice Girls, this is what currently rents for £640 an hour. Keep the eyewash handy, people.

Book your flights now: do your part for England. Or at least, share your parts with England.

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David Halberstam’s last speech

David Halberstam in Vietnam 

From, of all places, Business Week (via Gawker) we present the last speech of David Halberstam, greatest journalist of his generation and one of the immortals in a field which was pioneered by other lightweights like Jonathan Swift and Voltaire. I can’t say it any better than Business Week did, so let’s go to the article:

History, after all, was a favorite theme of this lion of American journalism. In 1955, after graduating from Harvard, Halberstam took a job at The Daily Times Leader in West Point, Miss., because he thought it would provide him an opportunity to write about race. When that didn’t work out as he had planned, Halberstam hitchhiked up to Nashville and put in an application at The Tennessean.

There, he wrote about race with a vengeance. In 1960, The New York Times lured him away. In 1964, when Halberstam was 30, he and Malcolm Browne of the Associated Press won Pulitzers for their coverage of the Vietnam War and the overthrow of the Saigon regime.

In 1967, Halberstam quit daily journalism and began writing books. Over the next 40 years he wrote 21 books covering such topics as foreign policy, civil rights, business, and sports. His 1973 classic about the Vietnam War, The Best and the Brightest, described how and why the “ablest men to serve in the government this century” turned out to be “architects of the greatest American tragedy since the Civil War.”

In 1994, The Reckoning addressed the Japanese challenge to American automakers. And in 2000 The Powers that Be tackled the rise of the American media. Halberstam’s 21st book, The Coldest Winter, a look back at the Korean War, will be released this fall. “I think it’s my best work,” he said in his Apr. 21 speech.

transcript here

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