Why it’s called “Meatspace”

Oh, Elsie is in for a rude shock

Oh, Elsie is in for a rude shock

Have you noticed that we have no difficulty believing we are spiritual beings, but we simply cannot wrap our heads around the actually demonstrable fact that we are, in fact, made of meat? Why, even on this very blog, we’ve had suggested wine pairings for cannibals, whom we have also covered. Repeatedly, in fact. We’ve even covered fake me-meat, as well as munch-by-munch reports of ursine-sapien dining and a scientific investigation into just how Modest a Proposal Jonathan Swift‘s little suggestion really was.

Well, it’s time for a refresher. We are nothing but wetware in meatspace, and even the aliens abducting and probing us, anal fissures first, find it distasteful. Observe:

Close observers will observe the observer observing them observing us; he is the Venusian Martian from the original 1961 Twilight Zone episode, Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up;

I for one am relieved he got away. And more relieved not to have the gory details.

No Doggie, No Cry

sad pug is sad

Not that I’m entirely sure pugs are dogs. They think they’re fucking lions, just ask them.

Or don’t. Because this is what happens when you do that.

If we could only weaponize them, we could finally have a way to defeat the Chihuahua Army on their own turf!

Happy Boxing Day from Julian, me, and General Ursus

Santa Assange

Santa Assange

Ah, Julian, you could slide down my chimney any time. Why, the very thought drives me positively Christmas crackers.

Julian Assange Christmas Crackers

Julian Assange Christmas Crackers

And speaking of interesting headgear, here’s raincoaster favorite Brian Atene with the world’s greatest holiday video in all time and space.

Christmas in Canuckistan

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Tom Gold's Canadian Christmas

Merry Christmas, eh!

It has come to our attention here at Operation Global Media Domination’s Mountain Lair that not everyone around the world celebrates Christmas the way we here in the People’s Republic of Canuckistan do. In Belgium they prepare their children for abduction by the loathesome Black Peter, while in Spain there’s something about six or eight black men…I didn’t really follow that part…and in Australia, of course, where it’s the height of summer, they spend the solstice season celebrating the birth of Archie.

This is how we celebrate the season in my country:

HOCKEY!

BITCHING ABOUT WORK!

Union Lightbulbs

Union Lightbulbs

OCCUPYING!

Occupy Christmas

Occupy Christmas

PRETENDING INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SINGING OUT LOUD!

DRINKING!

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

Now THAT is a Canadian Christmas

What else is there when you can’t afford to shop? Oh, right, work for awesome clients who pay in cases of wine instead of cash! This is my favorite way to get my Christmas shopping done, actually.

Cheers!

A Very Morbid Christmas from Calvin and Hobbes

While out on the lawn...

While out on the lawn...

It has recently come to our attention that since beginning our new gig at theDailyDot we have been lax in our usual seasonally-orientated postificationing of slightly altered Christmas Carol videos, Cthulhu references, and mashups. To make up for the deficit, here is the platonic ideal of a raincoaster Christmas blog post: a frosty, yet haunted tableau of the vast and twisted array of demented, cannibalistic snowmen created by that diminutive genius, Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes. And yes, it’s been thirty years.

GOD WE’RE OLD.