all I want for Christmas: a roundup

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A Christmas lecture from Linus. Ah, what does he know?Besides world domination, that is.

Just in time for the opening of shopping season, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog present a brief list of swag suitable for gifting to everybody’s favorite blog bitch. We have spared no effort in our gruelling research, trolling the blogroll yea, even unto Vicus Scurra, where we find naught but impractical suggestions for the unusual deployment of root vegetables. Oh, those crazy Brits and their anal turnip fetishes!

Is that why they’re called rutabagas?

In any case, here, as a result of simply hours trolling through BoingBoing, Go Fug Yourself, and Metro‘s emails, is our Christmas Wish List (to date, management reserves the right to add, say, a Tiffany Ribbon Bracelet or a Uranium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator at any later date).

Che trooper!

pic o’ the day: Man of the Year

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via email from Raj. I’m pretty sure I dated this guy, but he wasn’t that good-looking back then or I’d have retrained and retained him. Go a little Barbara Woodhouse on his ass a few times and she’d be up on that pedestal again in no time, while the bike shivered under a carelessly-thrown tarp.

Man of the Year

how to stuff a blog

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blogwars! 

from Gawker, who helpfully shares some blog-stuffing tips for the sake of their Dark Lord, Nick Denton, who is slumming it this week as a writer for Valleywag (fluffing the VC’s, Nick?). One gawktease commenter has requested my email, claiming many and varied interesting Gawker tidbits, but has yet to put out for me. I’m not going to wait forever, baby; show me yours and I’ll show you mine.

Meanwhile, I appear to be the only one who reads these tips and thinks “those would work for blogging drunk, too.” See the rest of this blog for examples.

  • Photoshop and other graphical tricks can often disguise the fact that your posts have little or no information in them.
  • “This thing looks like that thing” never gets old. Ask Kurt Andersen!…
  • Engage the commenters. Sure, some of them can be truculent or deliberately obtuse, but the involvement of a comment community can really make any post – no matter how vapid or desperate – appear to be a riot of activity.
  • Don’t be afraid to be hypocritical. Worried about castigating someone for committing the exact same practices in which you usually engage? Don’t give it a second thought! Who remembers? And if someone does, and e-mails you an angry response, hey, free post!
  • Naked chicks amp up clickthroughs. Rock ’em…
  • When all else fails, never underestimate the power of a screengrab to masquerade as actual content. It’s quick, it’s easy, and requires little effort on your part.

    • Baba Wawa on Opwah

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    from (who else?) Go Fug Yourself. There’s no way to abbreviate this, so I’ll just steal it wholesale and encourage you to check out the whole site for all the demonic and glorious fashion-victimizing.

    Exclusive! A secretly obtained excerpt from The Secwet Diawy of Baba Wawa:

    Baba Wawa and Opwah!

    Nov. 13, 2006: Twuly, I’m at my wits’ end, Diawy — sometimes, I want to scweam with bottled-up wage! Have you ever twied going to an event with Opwah? The woman does not STOP wunning into people’s photogwaphs! It’s all I can do not to THWOTTLE her. It’s a GALA and I’m wapped up tighter than a Cwistmas gift in twenty-thwee layers of hot-pink taffeta, stwiking my most distinguished pose in fwont of all these people with camewas, and WHAT DO YOU DO but sneak in and upstage me with your Cwayola-colored makeup and EVEN SHINIER clothes? Don’t you WESPECT who I AM? I am BABA fwickin’ WAWA, Winfwey! Wosie and I could fold you up and fit you into ONE of my EXTWAOWDINAWILY MASSIVE SLEEVES. Do you hear that? So DO NOT CWOSS ME, or else you will take a little time to enjoy the view, all wight… the view of my DEATH PINCH. MAYBE THEN YOU WILL WEGWET THIS!

    Cthulhu comix

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    How can you resist the Unspeakable Vault (of Doom) eh?

    Unspeakable Vault of Doom, Cthulhu's Pillow!