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Monthly Archives: February 2007
Japanese poop: a phrasebook
How many times have you been caught, tongue-tied and groping blindly in the darkest corners of your vocabulary for exactly the right word, only to have it scuttle away out of reach, leaving you with only the vaguest sense of its outline and the lingering shame of having failed?
We here at the ol’ raincoaster blog feel your pain. As a public service, from time to time we provide a roundup of obscure-yet-universally-applicable terms for our readers to file in their heads, ready to flash dazzlingly on just the right occasion.
This should be handy for those of you whose friends have recently given birth. Lord knows, they don’t talk about anything else. As the Inuit are said to have fifty words for snow, so the Japanese have coined a surprisingly robust number of terms for what we would simply call “poop”. #2. Doo-doo. Crap. Shit. Turds. Shizzola.
Here, from Japanprobe, is an in-depth dictionary of dung.
- unpi 「うんぴ」 : Diarrheal stool. Could be connected to overeating, having a cold, or stress. It is usually a yellowish-color and it has a very strong smell.
- unnyo 「うんにょ」 : Soft and tender poop, but not diarrehea. It comes out when you are feel some indigestion. Yellow-ish or light brown in color.
- unchi 「うんち」 : Nice poop. It comes out when you’ve been eating healthy balanced meals. It has a clean brown color and doesn’t smell very much.
- ungo 「うんご」 : Comes out when you’ve not been eating enough vegetables, and you’re probably constipated when you squeeze out an ungo. Ungo is dark black and really stinky.
So the next time your new-parent friends are yammering on about how your creamed corn looks adorably like Junior‘s last bowel movement, you can bring that conversation to a screeching, juddering halt while simultaneously flashing a glimpse of your own, more cosmopolitan worldview: Just leap to your feet and yell UNKO!
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le grand content
le grand debate, le grand question, le grand video. Powerpoint solves the meaning of life, via Eurotrash-accented art.
I live for this shit.
A Film by Clemens Kogler together with Karo Szmit. Voice by Andre Tschinder.
Le Grand Content examines the omnipresent Powerpoint-culture in search for its philosophical potential. Intersections and diagrams are assembled to form a grand ‘association-chain-massacre’. which challenges itself to answer all questions of the universe and some more. Of course, it totally fails this assignment, but in its failure it still manages to produce some magical nuance and shades between the great topics death, cable tv, emotions and hamsters.
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press conference of the century
Two Boston urban terror suspects, out on bail, give the press conference of the century, if not of the post-Biblical era. I think I’m in love!
CHARLESTOWN, Massachusetts (CNN) — Two men pleaded not guilty Thursday to charges they created panic by placing electronic light boards that caused a bomb scare Wednesday in Boston.
The boards depicted a cartoon character making an obscene gesture at passing motorists.
Assistant Attorney General John Grossman called the light boards “bomb-like” devices and said that if they had been explosive they could have damaged transportation infrastructure in the city.
Indeed, and if Ralph Lauren shirts had been explosive no doubt much of Harvard could have been destroyed. Something tells me that overripe cans of that damn chowder have caused more explosions in Boston than any Aqua Teen Hunger Force ad campaigns. Those easterners are so neurasthenic; ten cities had this ad campaign, and Boston was the only one to call out the SWAT teams on the poor, unsuspecting Lite Brite boards. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the Bomb!
Now, to the press conference:
“I feel like you’re not taking this seriously. Now do we have ANY questions about hairstyles in the Seventies, because my patience is wearing thin.”
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the rise and fall of William J. Sidis OR What my parents did wrong

Well this explains a lot. Ever read someone else’s life story and know that, on some all-you-mortals-look-alike level you were really reading your own biography?
For those of you who don’t know as much about me as I do, I shall provide a brief recap:
- was reading the Globe and Mail at four
- used to get up early and watch University of the Air algebra and calculus classes before preschool
- was nearly put into a school for the mentally retarded at six, because the teachers couldn’t figure out why I was so detached from their lessons on how to spell “cat”
- at my mother’s insistence was given an IQ test, scoring 136 and sparing myself from a life of institutionalized intellectual lowballing
- skipped most of primary school in favour of sitting in the library, reading encyclopedias. Got through four editions of the Encyclopedia Brittanica alone, lamenting the lower standards in each one
- was once frogmarched out of the library to write a math test in Grade Four. Hadn’t attended class all year. Got 98%
- have been vigorously and repeatedly thrown out of every institution of higher learning in the Lower Mainland including (but not limited to) Vancouver Community College Langara, VCC Kwantlen Richmond, VCC Kwantlen Surrey, University of British Columbia, Simon Fraser University, and although the Open Learning Institute is forbidden by charter to throw anyone out, they did write to me and ask if I’d consider giving it a rest
- let’s just say I got a work ethic for my 30th birthday, not before.
Now, from the highly marvelous and damn interesting website Damn Interesting, comes this tale of shocking parallels. My parents weren’t New York intellectuals, it’s true, but they were both easily in the genius class and never tired of setting up new hoops for my brain to jump through. How many packs of flash cards they wore out on me only God knows.
In fairness, my mother once said, “Once I’d seen what I’d done with you, I decided to raise your sister differently.” Which may be why my sister has a BMW and a four bedroom house in Crystal Beach.
Now to our story:
The Sidises believed that aggressive curiosity was a quality to be nurtured, so Sarah gave up her career in medicine to dedicate her life to the child’s development. William‘s thirst for knowledge never went unquenched, and by his first birthday– an age when most children are still babbling– he was honing his spelling skills. At one and a half years of age, he was reading the daily newspaper.
As William approached his fifth birthday, his spectacular abilities began to draw the attention of the press. He had taught himself to operate the typewriter from his high chair, tapping out a letter to Macy‘s regarding an order for toys. He had also taken it upon himself to learn Latin, Greek, Russian, French, German, and Hebrew. His appetite for information seemed endless as he easily chewed through weighty tomes such as Gray’s Anatomy and the works of Homer. He entered grammar school at age six, but in just over half a year he had advanced into high school curriculum. His stunning accomplishments soon became a frequent feature on the first page of the New York Times.
However:
William did not live long after that; in the following July his landlady telephoned the police after discovering him unconscious in his Boston apartment. Forty-six year old Sidis had suffered a massive stroke, and he never again regained consciousness. Such was the end of the one-time prodigy who had astonished a Harvard math audience at age eleven; he died a reclusive, penniless office clerk.
Those who knew him in his later life spoke of his conspicuous brilliance and his mastery of over forty languages, but his tangible contributions to society seemed to be relatively few for someone of his talents. Some argue that his parents pushed him too hard in his youth– overexerting his exceptional mind at an early age– and some blame the press for driving him into isolation. There is considerable evidence that William favored the Okamakammesset tribal philosophy of “anonymous contribution”, a principle which implies that one’s value is not measured by one’s visible contributions to society.
Though he probably would not have put much stock in formal measures of intelligence, it is estimated that William Sidis‘s IQ was as high as 300, where 100 is average and over 140 is considered genius. Whatever the reason for his underwhelming output later in life, he was certainly one of the most profoundly gifted human beings who ever lived. There is no telling what William might have accomplished for mathematics and science if only his talents had not been squandered.
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