Slimeballs!

cross-posted from TeenyManolo, with a bit of editing

Everything old is goo again!

(I had to; it was there)

Yes, GenX’s favorite toy (besides Pong, that is) is celebrating its thirtieth birthday this year. As with everything and everyone who turns that undeniably-adult age, its tastes have changed over time to something more…sophisticated?

Say hello to Love Slime, Hot Slime, Relax Slime (?) and Elegance Slime (????).

Adult slime

From TrendsInJapan via Gizmodo.

Note that the company says these fragrances are “scented to appeal to adult sensitivities” rather than scented to enhance adult activities. Like that is going to stop anyone.

Speaking of which, it appears that Mrs. Bill Murray is tired of being slimed and has filed for divorce. I guess she has no tolerance for middle-aged ennui and reinvention of self? Or she could have just asked him to wear a condom.

In related news, here’s a story about some of my colourful relatives. Expect The Sister to pop up any second to deny it…

At my cousin’s wedding they had little pots of slime at the place settings. I kid you not. In the wedding colours, too. It was floral-scented. All my now-grown and dapperly be-suited cousins spent the entire wedding dinner sticking their thumbs in the little pots to make farting noises. And people wonder why I live at the other end of the country.

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156 thoughts on “Slimeballs!

  1. No denials from this end of the country, sad to say. Sad but true tales from Raincoaster about the farting slime party. Sad. Did I say that it was sad???

  2. OK on the farting slime, but Dan is on the edge of his seat wondering about the end of the hamburger story!! Do put this man out of his misery!! And me too!

  3. Yes, yes, but I’ve been having nasty computer troubles. I hereby promise to finish the hamburger story by tomorrow morning UNLESS the computer, the internet connection, or WP go down between now and then, all of which happened last night.

  4. So what did the scented farting slime serve the purpose of at this wedding? Was it to engage the masses in the event the band sucked, or were they the centerpieces?

    lol. Everyone has a weird family. Some just try pretend they don’t.

  5. It was a helluva lot more entertaining than candied almonds, I have to admit.

    Later, we did YMCA and I got crap for the fact I didn’t do it up to the standard of the rest of the family. Where I live, NOT knowing how to do the chicken dance, the macarena, etc, is something of which to be proud.

  6. Hi Rain. My friend Sonic is a weird, but big fan of you. She dared me to come and ask you to comment on her blog. So.. Please come and make her shut up. CLICK HERE to get to here blog

  7. WHAT DID I TELL YOU TANUKI I! I DIDN’T KNOW RAIN WAS A GIRL. Oh well. Maybe I can still book a flight to Vancouver…

  8. I’m not a penguin! I’m a bored person and have nothing better to do while I wait for tickets to Vancouver. And seriously… Penguins- as you call us- aren’t BIRDS that swim in icy waters!!

  9. No. Not like that! The people who BLOG about Club Penguin are really not penguins. Tanuki, give me $50 for a trip to Vancouver. I must meet Rain.

  10. Don’t you ever read those announcement things? It was that one about that party in New York or something. Then Rain says something like “I would go but I got to teach blogging in Vancouver.” I was going to go to that thing in New York. But Matt probably wants non-Club Penguin bloggers.

  11. I’m meeting the Necromancer next Friday. We could have a big blog party!

    And no, Mark and Matt both are impressed with Club Penguin members except for cheweypup. They have BOTH told me how impressed they are with penguin blogs. If you can go, GO! I’m serious.

  12. Clearly you are not Rain. Rain has something called an AVATAR . That way we can tell her apart from other impersonators. But…. You’re writing sounds A LOT like Rain’s. You never know… I’m going to pretend you are Rain and reply.

    Well. I would go.. But, we have a problem. I don’t have plane tickets. And you might murder me. I’d like to live. Although, there is 5 people who claim they heard me screaming that I’m going to commit suicide.

  13. I have expensive tastes. It will take more than $40 to get me drunk.

    You mean the one that was his, or one of the ones he stole?

    A google image search in the comments is NOT the same. You’re poop-obsessed. There’s even poop on YOUR blog that you put there. Very odd. Go outside and play. Obviously Club Penguin is not playing to your best instincts.

  14. I mean one of the ones Chewy stole. Now his “co-workers” pretend to be him.

    If I am poop-obsessed, you are forum-obsessed. Club Penguin is a deathly boring game. I only get on when something radical happens. I never go outside. That’s stupid.

    And too late. I missed the warning. I already let Tanuki I play with giant squids. It attacked him and mad him go wako. He went and asked Vivian Page on a date.

  15. I know. He should of asked Disfunktional! Tanuki would totally murder the people who called her the fairy blood mother.

  16. Don’t go into denial, Tanuki I. I have proof. Maybe Matt would be a good match. Rain has the world’s longest blogroll. How do you even know so many people?

  17. I can tell. He makes money from blogging. Well I hope so. He’s on here like 24/7. How is he spossed to make money? And did you know Rain lived in Canada? No wonder he can’t come to New York.

  18. Look at all the tags. NOT ONE IS ‘SONIC30132’. Write a post about how annoying Tanuki I and I are. I can’t believe the comment ratio for you is 1:4. I’d do mine right now. But I’ll guess. I think it is 2:6. But nOOO! I must reduce that. Lol I think it is 1:4. Or is that out of every WordPress blog? O_O

  19. I just made you a Club Penguin account. The details about it will be sent to your Gmail email account. And check the spam folder if you don’t see it.

  20. I forgot to ask Rain on how she feels about stupid kids coming to her site. So how do you feel?

  21. I’m not stupid. It’s not my fault you haven’t taken algebra yet. It was 2am at that time. It’s 1:44am right now. I’m not thinking of math. Only pi. 3.14159. Once I got in trouble for using 3.14159 instead of 3.14. So stupid. You get a better awnser with 3.14159. I have thought of a question for you. What is pi in fraction form. There awnser that. If you don’t know that… I’ll laugh.

  22. No you idiot. It’s 22 over 7. Go put that into a caculator. *Looks at Tanukii being stupid.*

  23. You would use 22/7 when you would divide fractions. Like

    1/2 divided by 3.14
    1/2 divided by 22/7

    And it’s a ROUGH ESTIMATE OF PI. WE ALL KNOW PI GOES LIKE 3.14159 NOT 3.1428.

    Rain needs money.

  24. What does Pi have to do with the fact that I need money? Why are you so fascinated with Pi? It was a good movie, and a good Tom Lehrer song as well, but it’s really just a number, and not one I as a blogger use very often.

  25. No you idiot. It’s 22 over 7. Go put that into a caculator. *Looks at Tanukii being stupid.*

    Pi over 1 works fine too! *looks satisfied*

  26. I perfer long. And I’m gonna die from using a weed waker if I don’t sleep. I must get up at 5 AM. It is 3:55. There for 1 hour and 10 minutes to sleep. And why would I want to use 3.14 over 1? 22 over 7 seems much more fun to do. Lets be like the acient Mayan and just understand what 1 means. NO WAY! I like 10,000 better. I’d rather go write a million sycorpations out than that. AND MY CAT IS HAVING A DREAM.

  27. I have eaten jello all day. I got up at 5 AM. In 49 minutes that will be 24 hours. I have a cat thank you. His name is Sonic. My name is named after him. My other cat’s name is Puff. She’s massively fat and has red hair.

    This is how I think Rain looks: Tall. Skinny. Bright red hair. Long hair that is.

    That’s it. Now am I right? I’m gonna kill myself with a weed waker ’cause I will fall asleep right now. I wonder what time zone Rain is in…

  28. No, that is not right. Except the hair.

    You do not have two cats. You are hallucinating. People are not named after imaginary cats. You need to sleep.

  29. ZOMG RAIN LOOKS LIKE ME. I knew you had red hair. Red heads can pick them out of a jar like cookies from salt water.

    I have 2 cats. I’ll get pictures if I must. But I have to find the SD card. I lost it. Last time I lost it, I found it under the bed.

    Tanuki I and I think you get payed to blog. Is that true? It’d be awesome. When you get your pay check, buy a passport and fly to Georgia. Tanuki I will fly from Washington to down here. Maybe we can get Matt or Mark to come too!!!

  30. You keep your cookies in salt water and you have imaginary cats. My, how strange you Americans are.

    Yes, I get paid to blog. Not here: at http://teenymanolo.com and http://ayyyy.com and a couple of other places as well. It’s pretty awesome, but it would be a lot MORE awesome if my computer would stop crashing so I could actually blog and not spend all my time doing restarts.

    Matt doesn’t seem to have a permanent home; he owns an apartment, but he’s NEVER there. Mark is in the UK somewhere, though, so I don’t think he’d come to Georgia or if he did he’d probably go to the OTHER one, the one that used to be part of the Soviet Union. That might be a problem.

  31. It’s a SIMILE! In case you didn’t know… A simile is a comparison between two things, usually with the words “like” “than” or “as”. Don’t get that confused with a metaphor. Americans? You must live in the UK. Or Canada. If Canada we should of had this conversation a long time ago. I lived in Toronto, Canada ~4 months ago. Then I could have someone drive me there.

    No wonder you post so much… I thought you were addicted to the computer and lived in your mother’s basement. Being payed to go on the internet… That’d be awesome. But I have to go weed wak in the darkness. (According to Wiki, in other countries they call weed waking, stilling…) Well. 8 minutes till I have to go. I hope I don’t drop it and end up like those dudes on Google like “OWCHIES I DROPZ THE WEEDZ WAXERS.” But little did he know that is was called a weed waKer (or wacker.) Not WAXER. Since when did grass grow hair?

    I’d have a better chance of meeting Mark in Cuba. No way am I going there. I could take a boat trip 1 mile off the coast of Cuba, swim the rest of the way and not be seen by Casro’s guards. OH NO. It’s 5 AM. ERG There goes Sunday.

    P.S. This is like the longest comment I’ve wrriten. Or a post…

  32. Okay, sure. Drive over from Toronto; it’ll take you about a week to get here.

    Weed WAKING? WAXING? Are you waking up weeds in the middle of the night? Or preparing them for downhill skiing? Now I know for SURE you’re on drugs.

    You’d be eaten by sharks if you tried to swim to Cuba. The waters are very full of fish with big, pointy teeth. But Cuba is awesome; some day when I’m a RICH blogger and not a poor one I will go for a holiday.

  33. ERG. I need someway to edit those. I messed up. Make it like “I’d have a better chance of meeting Mark in Cuba. No way would I go to the Soviet Union. Or whatever country the Soviet Union is.”

    I also know Cuba is a communist country… Everyone is treated equal and all that good stuff.

  34. The Soviet Union does not exist anymore. And let’s just say that Cuba is Socialist at the moment; it has two separate economies, one for the tourists and one for the locals. It’s a weird situation.

    You should be sleeping instead of leaving poorly-punctuated comments on blogs!

  35. Like over half of American students are failing Social Studies. They’re teaching us not enough. Why would I need to know more Latin? I learn enough in Band.

  36. I got a picture of one of my cats, Puff. And yes, it’s me holding Puff.

    Ha! Told you I wasn’t crazy and had imaginary cats.

    This is my guinea pig, Cherry. I’m not crazy. It’s you who are the crazy one.

  37. That first one is obviously not a cat; it’s a golden retriever with freakishly small ears. And as for the second: it’s so blurry it could be anything up to and including a ferret with bad extensions. Ha! You call that proof!

  38. Puff is fat! She weighs 20 pounds and she is an American Shorthair. How many golden retrievers look like that? The second on isn’t even blurry. How can you mistake that as a ferret? Ferrets are skinny and long. Cherry is short and wide.

  39. You’re** QUIT RUSHING AND DO STUFF RIGHT TANUKI I. And I am not in my 40’s. I think Rain is in his middle 20’s.

  40. Still think my guinea pig is a ferret? Better not. I got 2 more pictures of her.

    The paper says “I’m not some ferret”.

  41. Why am I named after a cat? I LOVE MY CAT. How stupid can you be.

    Cherry isn’t a ferret. She is a guinea pig! It’s her hair. I don’t remember the name of it, but it’s all natural.

    Rain you’re old. I’m way younger than you. And Tanuki I is even younger than me! You’re the same age as my mother! Mind getting us a picture of yourself?

  42. Her Grace la Marchionesse de WitchHampton under Buzzard de la Zouche

    Your Grace

    Salve

    I vish zat I vas goink to be 45 zis year, l’Aigle Gris screeched enviously

    Yours is an admirable Equal-Opportunities Policy, that admits even a young Cat-loving Penguin and her illustrious friend to this illustrious space

    Mais je suis curieux as to how this sagacious non-flying Oiseau could come to believe that, of all people, you are a BLOKE = it must come from living in a cold environment, eating only fish

    I seem to recall that in another time & another space, some Wretch made a similar assumption, thereby occasioning a suitably dismissive Aquilan rebuke

    Please present my Compliments to the sagacious Mlle Stilletto and tell her :

    Vot vee really want to see is a picture of your Grace on her Harley-Davidson roaring into the Horizon past Monsieur Metro resting in the back of the Christian’s Pick-Up Truck, which was rescuing him and his down-broken but surprisingly much-loved motor-cycle

    Oh and Puppy=Luvz rules, Yabash

    Je reste le vestre Grace’s servant obedient
    und tot siens

    Vale

    Aquila non Candida

  43. I just wish I could open the Mummified Fairy thread on this computer. It’s a total no-go most of the time.

    As for the general assumption of my blokitude, it seems near-universal. Perhaps these people are thrown off by the fact that I don’t preface statements with “I’m sorry, I was wondering if…” and end them? with question mark? inflections?

  44. here’s a llama
    there’s a llama
    and another little llama
    fuzzy llama
    funny llama
    llama llama
    duck

    llama llama
    cheesecake
    llama
    tablet
    brick
    potato
    llama
    llama llama
    mushroom
    llama
    llama llama
    duck

    i was once a treehouse
    i lived in a cake
    but i never saw the way
    the orange slayed the rake
    i was only three years dead
    but it told a tale
    and now listen, little child
    to the safety rail

    did you ever see a llama
    kiss a llama
    on the llama
    llama’s llama
    tastes of llama
    llama llama
    duck

    half a llama
    twice the llama
    not a llama
    farmer
    llama
    llama in a car
    alarm a llama
    llama
    duck

    is THIS how it’s told now?
    is it all so old?
    is it made of lemon juice?
    doorknob
    ankle
    cold
    now my song is getting thin
    i’ve run out of luck
    time for me to retire now
    and become a duck

  45. WHAT!? I’M TALKING TO A 45-YEAR-OLD?! AHHHH! You’re the same age as my mother. Tanuki I is 38 years younger than you. I’m not telling my age though. :-p I will say that I am a heck of a lot older than Tanuki I.

  46. Ah, ah, ah, Raincoaster … not nice, letting them believe you’re a hot 45-year-old redhead. There are indeed pictures out there.

    Fortunately I believe they’re safe from prying penguinous eyes.

    I myself would fancy having a go at being a llama. I had thought I could ease into it by taking it in short stints at first. I’d just be a llama once per week.

    Then I’d increase the frequency to three times per week, then five, and finally I’d try simply being a llama for a couple of hours every day.

    People would come to know me as the “Daily Llama”.

  47. Bwahahaha! I love it when you and Metro spar! Probably better entertainment than this new strip club I’m going to tonight.

    And cheaper.

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