Bush’s Bailout Plan

The Dark Bailout!

Here’s a brilliant idea: since the US government just announced they’ll use $700,000,000,000 yes, seven hundred BILLION dollars, to buy junk assets, this site, BuyMyShitPile has decided to let the people market their crap directly to the government, no middle man required! As anyone who has seen the interior of my apartment can attest, I’ll be a bajillionaire in no time! Party at raincoaster’s!!!

In an easily-predicted fallout effect, thousands upon thousands of now-unemployed and unemployable investment bankers are paying an underground network of so-called “Snakeheads” thousands of dollars to smuggle them across the border to job-rich havens in Mexico and Canada.

“I grew up in America and I love my country, but Lord knows, I have to make a living,” Peter Starmeyer, 38, says from the makeshift plywood and cardboard shanty he now calls home on Toronto’s increasingly seedy west side.

“When Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy and I lost my job, I had no other choice. The only way for me to keep living the American dream was to move to Canada where businesses value and respect workers and try to help them hold on to their jobs.”

Seven better uses for $700,000,000,000 from (of all places) Forbes and no, that’s not too many zeros. The number is so big most media outlets are abbreviating it!

  1. infrastructure
  2. guilt-free electricity
  3. healthcare
  4. ecological action
  5. education,
  6. port expansion,
  7. defence

The email outrage in Wired:

An e-mail that began as a rallying cry from a lone journalist to an influential circle of friends to protest the U.S. government bailout of Wall Street has ignited a national day of street protests. Some demonstrators plan to dump their rubbish in front of the bronze bull sculpture near Wall Street in downtown Manhattan Thursday.

“People are going to bring their own personal junk that they think is worth as much as the junk financial instruments that the government is proposing to buy from the Wall Street banks,” says Andrew Boyd, an activist and freelance online-video artist for nonprofit groups in Manhattan. “We’re hoping that people show up with their 8-track cassette collections, their old Spice Girl CDs, their surf boards that got bit by sharks and old Enron stock certificates.”

And the email itself, right here on WordPress:


This week the White House is going to try to push through the biggest robbery in world history with nary a stitch of debate to bail out the Wall Street bastards who created this economic apocalypse in the first place.

This is the financial equivalent of September 11. They think, just like with the Patriot Act, they can use the shock to force through the “therapy,” and we’ll just roll over!

Think about it: They said providing healthcare for 9 million children, perhaps costing $6 billion a year, was too expensive, but there’s evidently no sum of money large enough that will sate the Wall Street pigs. If this passes, forget about any money for environmental protection, to counter global warming, for education, for national healthcare, to rebuild our decaying infrastructure, for alternative energy.

This is a historic moment. We need to act now while we can influence the debate. Let’s demonstrate this Thursday at 4pm in Wall Street (see below).

We know the congressional Democrats will peep meekly before caving in like they have on everything else, from FISA to the Iraq War.

With Bear Stearns, Fannie and Freddie, AIG, the money markets and now this omnibus bailout, well in excess of $1 trillion will be distributed from the poor, workers and middle class to the scum floating on top.

This whole mess gives lie to the free market. The Feds are propping up stock prices, directing buyouts, subsidizing crooks and swindlers who already made a killing off the mortgage bubble.

Worst of all, even before any details have been hashed out, The New York Times admits that “Wall Street began looking for ways to profit from it,” and its chief financial correspondent writes that the Bush administration wants “Congress to give them a blank check to do whatever they want, whatever the cost, with no one able to watch them closely.”

It’s socialism for the rich and dog-eat-dog capitalism for the rest of us.

Let’s take it to the heart of the financial district! Gather at 4pm, this Thursday, Sept. 25 in the plaza at the southern end of Bowling Green Park, which is the small triangular park that has the Wall Street bull at the northern tip.

By having it later in the day we can show these thieves, as they leave work, we’re not their suckers. Plus, anyone who can’t get off work can still join us downtown as soon as they are able.

There is no agenda, no leaders, no organizing group, nothing to endorse other than we’re not going to pay! Let the bondholders pay, let the banks pay, let those who brought the “toxic” mortgage-backed securities pay!

On this list are many key organizers and activists. We have a huge amount of connections – we all know many other organizations, activists and community groups. We know P.R. folk who can quickly write up and distribute press releases, those who can contact legal observers, media activists who can spread the word, the videographers who can film the event, etc.

Do whatever you can – make and distribute your own flyers, contact all your groups and friends. This crime is without precedence and we can’t be silent! What’s the point of waiting for someone else to organize a protest two months from now, long after the crime has been perpetrated?

We have everything we need to create a large, peaceful, loud demonstration. Millions of others must feel the same way; they just don’t know what to do. Let’s take the lead and make this the start!

When: 4pm – ? Thursday, September 25.
Where: Southern end of Bowling Green Park, in the plaza area
What to bring: Banners, noisemakers, signs, leaflets, etc.
Why: To say we won’t pay for the Wall Street bailout
Who: Everyone!

Should be any minute now…

11 thoughts on “Bush’s Bailout Plan

  1. So the theory goes that it’s better to bail out failing banks than give the same money to people losing their homes through whom it will, in the end, filter into those same banks, more-or-less, generating economic activity and keeping people employed along the way.

    “Market forces” through the Bush-O-Rama lens. It’s like a funhouse mirror in which you can see the invisible hand of the market making a rude gesture.

    I notice that McCain is still anxious to cancel his debate with Obama in order to scuttle back to Washington and stand on the sidelines.

    Perhaps Palin will stand in for him. She knows as much as he does, surely?


  2. If every dillweed CEO of each fortune 500 company were forced to give up their 50-100 million dollar annual salaries; they could pay for the bailout plan. There’d be enough fu**ing money left over to fund the things which Forbes listed. All of this makes me sick to my stomach….

  3. Not to mention that putting the brakes on short-sellers absolutely slaughters the derivatives market and hedge funds, which are not exactly minor economic players. This bailout plan is a clusterfuck of incredible magnitude.

  4. And it’s not going to put off the inevitable. It’s just going to make it harder. If we give them this bailout, we aren’t going to be able to deal with what’s coming, a Depression, just like grandpa had. What we need to do is put the $700B into building railroads, improving the failing electric grid, putting solar on houses, and innumerable other things that will put people back to work, not put them out of work.

  5. Or just bloody give it to the people who’ve lost their houses so they can save them and the real estate market doesn’t collapse in the first place. Would that have been so hard? or SO expensive?

  6. to quote the police captain in Mel Brooks’ ‘Young Frankenstein: “a riot is a terible and ugly thing. but i think it’s high time we had one!”

  7. My Burkian instincts tell me that a short, violent revolution with the good manners to go back to responsible government is what is needed here.

    Or at least a burst of mob rule leaving Bush and Cheney and Henry Paulson and several senators and congressmen hanging from their heels in front of a gas station ala Mussolini.

    And Sarah Palin would make a great Clara Petacchi . . .

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