Category Archives: Cthulhu

How do you spell “Hail Cthulhu” in Elvish?

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Occupy Pumpkin Patch

GPOY: Occupy Pumpkin Patch

via Vicki McLeod

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

One does not simply walk into Gourd Door

I had the best costume today, even if the mask didn’t fit very well.

V for Vogue

V for Vogue

The best part was that when people at, say, Starbucks looked surprised and alarmed (and they did) I just said, “Well, we TOLD you to expect us!” and they’d laugh.

Didn’t get the pumpkin carved in time (Elvish characters are a bitch to make without a proper Elven Pumpkin Carving Dagger) so I guess I’ll be eating a lot of curry, soups, and pie [holla, Oxford Comma] in the near future. And even though I had no jack o’ lantern and the porch light was out, I did get a few kids showing up: one four year old Super Mario, one six year old witch, a three year old um something vampiric I guess, and two older kids around twelve, one dressed in civvies and the other at least halfheartedly tried with a boy scout uniform. I rooted through the kitchen in desperation and ended up giving out all the apples. Super Mario Boy, “Oh goody, I LOVE apples!” By the time I remembered the lowfat caramel dip (what do you dip in it, Jenny Craig?) I was all out of Trick or Treaters for this year.

Then the cats and I spent four hours watching the fireworks in the park behind the house. Yes. Four. Hours. Every time there was a pause the black cat would freak out and start frantically pawing at the glass to make it start again. The bizarre thing is, it worked Every. Single. Time. The other cat expressed himself more directly, by expressing himself over the rug which is, thank god, machine washable.

In other news of unholy manifestations, I see that He is risen at last.

That’s right, bitches: Cthulhu is back!

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

Cthulhu is fit to be Thai'd

As you can clearly see from these before-and-after pictures of the Chao Phraya river, He has returned…to Thailand. Great, do you have any idea how much the airfare will be?

HE could be a little more considerate, knowmasayin’?

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Cthulhu as Nixon. He really IS evil.

Steve Jobs’s Afterlife

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In the current state of affairs, there is obviously one question and one question only that must be on the minds of all the most intelligent citizens of the world, be they in Ponape or Rhode Island.

Or even Cupertino.

If, indeed, Steve Jobs is/was/will be the unspeakable Elder God Cthulhu, what’s his next move?

At last, we have our answer. And it is GLORIOUS!

Cthulhu vs Thomas Kinkade

Cthulhu vs Thomas Kinkade: there's an app for that

From Gawker commenter Sugarfly McQueen:

His earthly techno-geek duties finally at an end, He’s been called to fulfill a greater purpose: destroying Thomas Kinkade pictures from the inside out.

Somewhere, Steve is chuckling. And rolling up his sleeves.

Steve Jobs ponders his next sexxxy move

Steve Jobs ponders his next sexxxy move

Tentacle Wars: Octopus vs Cuttlefish in a battle to the death!

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Cuttlefish VS Octopus

Cuttlefish VS Octopus

Yes, we’ve had a lot of videos around these parts lately, but how could I possibly pass up video of a spanner-stealing octopus and what at first seems like a simple bunch of floating seaweed, before breaking loose into All Hell?

and from the diver’s comments:

I was undoing the bolts on the Current Meter housing for routine servicing, when the octopus crept out of the housing, and demanded to have my spanner. I am sure the cuttlefish must have been biding his time on this octopus. But the octopus could not resist my spanner, it made repeated attempts to steal it as I tried to undo the bolts. This game of taking my spanner went on for several minutes. Eventually I gave up on the bolts and took out my camera, which I had with me to record the condition of the Current Meter…

Each year from April to June the cuttlefish off Sydney become extremely aggressive. They often follow divers and sometimes attack them. But they love octopus. I had a repeat experience last year in May, when I again had an octopus come out of its lair to try and take a shiny buckle which was attached to a rope. After a few minutes a cuttlefish attacked the octopus exactly as before. Unfortunately for the cuttlefish, this time the octopus managed to keep half its body free, and after a minute of intense struggle it slipped out of the cuttlefish’s grip, and, I kid you not, sat on the cuttlefish’s head. So there we were, I am looking at them holding my breath, the octopus is sitting on the cuttlefish’s head, and the octopus is looking at me with a “Can you believe it” expression. After another minute of stillness, the octopus shot off in a cloud of ink, leaving the cuttlefish confused and exhausted. Unfortunately I did not have camera handy.

So, word to the wise: as we’ve said before, ANYTHING in the sea could be a hungry cephalopod, so just stay on dry land, why doncha?

In the Cards

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So there I was, minding everyone else’s business on 7 different social media platforms as one does, when suddenly I saw it. And it’s a good thing I did, because I can’t even find it now, but there it was at the time, right there in front of me in black and white or, as we “in the biz” say, in 000000 and ffffff: a tweet about Julian Assange‘s tarot cards.

Now, I don’t know about you. I only know about me. Do we have to go over this again? But one thing I do know about other people, and particularly people who pride themselves on being mathematically/computorially/autodidactically inclined is, the very existence of things like tarot cards offends them on some level.

So, naturally, I forwarded the information about Julian Assange‘s tarot cards to the head of the JulianAssangeFanciersGuild. And who among us would not have done the same, I asks yez? Eh?

Quite.

Some time later I got chatting with the tarot card reader (a tarot card reader who does readings via Twitter: welcome, in one perfect swoop of fellage, to the Twenty-First Century) and she offered to do a reading for me, for free. And as I’m inordinately fond of that particular F Word, I accepted, and that with what I believe is called alacrity. And while you’ll have to do without Julian’s reading, for lo I cannot find it, you can read mine, and it is VERY entertaining, particularly if you know anything about tarot.

Now, you can argue whether or not it “works,” but the one thing you cannot argue is that it is very, very, VERY, and did I mention VERY unlikely that any person’s reading will consist entirely of Major Arcana, ie facecards, over multiple readings and, indeed, multiple readers.

But.

Somehow, it always works out this way for me. Al. Ways.

And so it was this time, mathematically impossible as it was.

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95938100647309313

To everything, turn turn turn, there is a seasoning WAIT THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!

To everything, turn turn turn, there is a seasoning WAIT THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95937120891441153

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95939359014006784

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95939865031622656

There's a big yellow thing in the sky and I think it's giving off radiation WHAT DO I DO???

There's a big yellow thing in the sky and I think it's giving off radiation WHAT DO I DO???

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95940251993903104

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95939147805626368

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95941368962228224

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95942274445344768

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95941470657318912

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95942431429758976

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95943988221194240

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95945119831818241

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95945873439207424

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95945828996362240

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95946238322679808

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95945760771817473

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95946984938147842

What can I say? He made me do it!

What can I say? He made me do it!

Hang it all, Houdini!

Hang it all, Houdini!

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95946603814322176

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95947885811740672

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95948034923442177

Well, can’t disagree with THAT now, can we?

http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/95948421407584256

http://twitter.com/#!/NYC_TarotReader/status/95949146032312320

and some further remarks I got via DM:

they follow each other. Resurection 2 regeneration/gestation

I read both neg and pos as part of the read. Positive if best happens. Neg if u fuck up! Either possible according 2 ur actions. Open future….

Freedom…reads situation and best and worst outcome…depends on how u handle it,,,,

So hanged man is the persecuted or the Ego B4 tranSformation. And Death is Transmutation or Inertia/Slow Change. Either can happen..

It a Eyes Wide Open Conscious Choice.,free 2 choose….the old free will thing…it says choose w caution…here’s situation and ur CHOICES

And I choose: to take this as an easy blog post! So, I’m ahead on that whole “productivity” thing already!

Once, Upon a Midnight Cleary

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because up here the sun does not set this time of year until about 1:30 am and then only in a sort of curtseying manner, bobbing back up again in an hour or less. So you can actually read a newspaper by the daylight at midnight here in Yellowknife.

Which is why the market for spooky stories is somewhat depressed, locally. We’ll see what happens when the 24 hour darkness sets in, and to judge by some of the Inuit Art, whatever sets in then, it ain’t equanimity.

Shaman Drum Dancer by Nelson Takkiruq

Shaman Drum Dancer by Nelson Takkiruq

See?

So, the market for ghoulies and ghosties and things that go bump in the night appears to be at a minimum now, yet somehow I still managed to drum up a squeal of morbid joy when I saw that the slow-grinding wheels of film production had, at last, released this:

Edgar Allan Poe-ster

Edgar Allan Poe-ster

for lo, opening night cannot come fast enough for those of us here at Operation Global Media Domination HQ. We are indeed looking forward to watching our old Twitter buddy bring to (unsteady, morbid, doomed) life one of the greatest of American Writers. Ah! If only I had my copy of Closed on Account of Rabies with me, and perhaps a bottle of Amontillado (they don’t sell it at the liquor store, but I bet Chef Pierre could rustle me up some) I could set the mood. For now, these small talismans, the poster and this YouTube of Christopher Walken reading The Raven from that very album will have to do.

Cheerful, isn’t it?