Um, yeah. Oooooh yeah.
You Are a Fist |
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Your greatest wish is to have a life of passion and excitement. And while you don’t want to die young, you rather take risks than stay home and be afraid. You are inspired and inspiring. You live each day like it’s your last. |
stolen from Valleywag where, surprisingly, it was not posted by Comrade Jackson
They say it’s traditional.
So it must be all right, right?
Right?
from dissfunktional
This thing, it’s up there in the Octopus Sex Man Gets Off realm, only apparently it involves tens or even hundreds of thousands of Chinese women.
I don’t really know how to report this sickening story other than with the straight (or, rather, deeply twisted) facts, so here they are:
Feral donkey a ‘boost’ for women’s sex drive
* Top (End) donkeys sought for libido aids“They’re after a lot of donkey *****. As much as they can get their hands on,” Mr Fleming said.
NORTHERN Territory donkeys could soon be helping to increase the sex drive of Chinese women.
I guess even they‘ve completely given up on Chinese men.
Canadian Beaver. Friendly!
Beaver. Who doesn’t love beaver, eh?
Okay, so I stole that headline, or most of it, from Vancouver Theatresports when they competed for the world comedy improv championships in Australia. And I had to tweak it from “We’re going Down Under to come out on top!” but hey, it still works.
And who doesn’t love beaver? And Brazilians?
Okay, maybe Christopher Hitchens, but that was a Brozilian and, as such, completely different.
These beavers gone Brazil are still fully-furred. They are fully-fanged as well, and in a desperate attempt to divert attention from the cattle barons and soybean growing enviro-rapists of South America, a government-funded organization has labeled the mild-mannered (and, if anything, excessively polite) Canadian Beaver as the largest single threat to the South American ecosystem.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
The document, presented to both governments this month, says only a multimillion-dollar project can protect South America from tens of thousands of beavers gnawing their way through its woodlands…
Fifty North American beavers, Castor canadensis, were introduced to Tierra del Fuego, in southern South America, in the 1940s in order to establish a fur trade. It was a catastrophic mistake. Numbers multiplied dramatically and beavers spread across the archipelago, crossed the Magellan Strait and are now spreading through the mainland….
‘The ecosystem in North America evolved along with the beaver,’ said Donlan. ‘Vegetation there has adapted ways for dealing with it.’ North American trees can grow back from their roots after beavers have gnawed them down, for example.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Now, nobody is pretending that a sudden, unnatural influx of Canadian Beaver is entirely without effect, my ex’s reaction notwithstanding and, indeed, that is why he’s an ex, but it is entirely possible to protect one’s precious and presumably precarious homestead from an influx of aggressive Canadian beaver without taking refuge in expensive governmental flights of eco-fiction.
Just tell her you need to fill your Valtrex prescription, for instance.
How’s THAT for a title?
Yes, Rodney Scott McLagan of Hobart, Australia, hereinafter and for the rest of his natural life at the very least known as Octopus Sex Man, has been released from custody with a $1500 fine and a suspended four-month sentence for possessing 31,000 images of pony, snake, dog, tiger and octopus porn.
“Without the opportunity for normal sexual relationships fantasy is often indulged. It also emerges from the report that you are particularly self-conscious about your teeth.”
It is reportedly the first case of British teeth being responsible for a shokushu goukan fetish. Still, better that than throwing him back to try to swim in the human gene pool; It’s polluted enough in those waters. The Zeta Male is (surprisingly, given his usual body composition) the very opposite of buoyant.
I suppose that’s why he likes the bottom-feeding octopus.
The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife
raincoaster 