Category Archives: Art

Ah, Comrade Kirk! I see you’ll be joining us in the Collective.

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From Sploid. My country makes the American news; and golly gee, I couldn’t be prouder.

The communists who run Canada held a bizarre secret “tribunal” that made ancient Egyptian religion the equal of Christianity and outlawed the marketing of Mr. Spock figurines as “toys.”

Canada’s International Trade Tribunal issued the sweeping rulings to stop the Franklin Mint, a U.S. trinket manufacturer, from claiming its collectibles of Star Trek characters, cartoon harlot Betty Boop and “Wizard of Oz” midgets “amuse and please” the Canadians who buy the things.

And quite rightly, too. Have you ever seen that crap? We don’t need none of your kitten-o-the-month-club commemorative plates and pink porcelain unicorn music boxes (with Elvis figure, if you order now!) to amuse us.

Not when we have you people.

review o’ the day: web 0.96

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From Gawker.

Take a hilarious trip through the Wayback Machine (I wanted one of those right up until I had a past that could catch up to me). They’ve pored over the crumbling scrolls of the Internet archives and put together a roundup of the best, and the worst, of 1996.

Suggested soundtrack: Grosse Point Blank soundtrack. Suggested accompaniments: pot, beer, and Doritos.
Suggested activity: removing all animated gifs from your website immediately. Follow up by purchasing and installing a horribly complicated graphics program that you use to redesign your site, but which will immediately date everything it touches site to within four months.

NOT suggested activity: not updating the site again until they do another of these.

Lego a go go!

There is very little I can say to rebuke this website. This is the best website I’ve ever seen. I navigated further into the world of Lego.com ’96 and on every single page I was greeted by pirates waving swords, knights riding horses, and overarchingly wizards on bicycles. This page alone has three wizards on bicycles lined up in a very majestic fashion, with an additional bonus wizard on a bicycle in the upper-right corner. In 1996, while most companies were still figuring out how to properly scan their company logo so that it didn’t look like a joke, Lego had discovered the key to web design, which is that randomly strewing little Lego men around one’s website is hilarious and engaging. If you feel like you need to cleanse your palette after seeing all the other websites featured in this article, please enjoy the following line of Lego men:

Wiz

wizwizwizwizwiz
From Left to Right: Wizard on Bicycle, Wizard on Bicycle,
Wizard on Bicycle, Wizard on Bicycle, Wizard on Bicycle

how not to JDate, the soundtrack

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David Kraut, soundtracker to How Not to JDate, the soon-to-be-movie-of-the-weekIt seems I win my bet. The How Not to JDate story lives on in music. “What oft was thought, but ne’er so well expressed.”

From PR Differently:

>Check this out…
>
>http://www.myspace.com/dkraut
>
>Click on “Do the right thing.”
>
>I nearly lost my shit, it was so funny.

Let no man say the grass grows under songwriter David Kraut‘s feet.

war: a new vision

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Tampon Warrior!Remember all those dopey hippie sayings like, “If war is the answer, what was the question” and “Make love, not war” and “what if they gave a war and nobody came?” Well those hippies are all growed up now and, thanks to the changes in draft eligibility, possibly on their way to Afghanistan or Iraq right now.

Critical ammunitions shortages have made the US uncharacteristically cautious about spending their precious ordnance, so we at the raincoaster blog have a suggestion. A radical suggestion. One which integrates the hippie Free Love aesthetic with the Imperialist invasive one. One which could change the very nature of war.

We suggest the deployment and use of the tampon gun.

From BoingBoing:

Tampon gun
TamponCrafts has published a HOWTO for building a paintball-style gun for firing tampons:

Inspired by marshmallow shooters, this air-powered tampon gun turns your feminine hygiene products into high-flying projectiles. Have a shootout between rival tampon brands, or use it as a fun alternative to paintball. The tampon shooter has a range of 10 to 20 feet depending on your ammo and lung capacity. The matching bandolier lets you carry a full “clip” (i.e., box) of 20 tampons, so you’ll never be caught short in the heat of battle.

Link

I defy any army to be able to continue fighting under a barrage of fluffy, white tampons. Although, given the dioxin component in the bleach used, it could well violate chemical weapons sanctions. Something to think about…

Borat attacked!

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Looking for the story of the recent NYC beatdown? Go here.

 

It’s true: Borat, the Andrew Dice Clay of Khazakstan, has gotten the smackdown from the clueless, sharpie-wielding village idiots in NYC. Guess they ran outta pitchforks.

 

Borat, Bigot?

 

From Thighs Wide Shut, via Gawker. And if you’re thinking “Gee, she musta only had time to go to one website today” you’d be right. There’s a Guide to Muslim Humour on WordPress somewhere, but I’ll hafta find it for you tomorrow. L8r!