Some days it’s not worth chewing through the straps

Boris in Chains

It appears there are some people who are having an even worse week than me, and I've just been given my ninth (or is it tenth) eviction notice from the Co-op. They're not being very cooperative, I must say. But enough about my week.

As I said, looks like some people are having an even shittier week than me although it is certainly true that if the gutter press were as guttacious as they've been made out to be they'd be camped out on the front lawn oh yeah, they don't have those things in Islington, the front uh stoop? begging for a quote from the children and bribing the household pets with bacon bits.

It is therefore in the spirit of taking up arms against weeks which are both shitaceous and whoreanus that I present the following mindless Internet game. It should cheer at least one person up to know that Boris Johnson has attained the rarified altitudes inhabited by the seraphim and Kevin Bacon and gotten his own game. So to speak. The associated t-shirts are pure graphic gold, icons of both t-ness and shirt-ness that should be copied for generations hence. The Ice Cream of Truth is a symbol that all but the lactose-intolerant can support (and they shouldn't have any rights anyway) and the sound effects are pure sweetness. Ladies and gentlemen:

Big Ben Boris

Vote Boris! Just because you can't

and sometimes you don’t WANT to know

TIASearches that led people to my blog yesterday:

curling porn, "And with strange aeons death may die, " viggo mortensen porn, cocaine corner, wendy messner cbc, hooker story, red corvette middle age

Supah. So somewhere out there are several people with unslaked curling fetishes, some random Cthulhu cultists, and many, many sexually deprived, desperate middle-aged keyboard jockeys.

But…Wendy Messner????? Now THAT is kinky.

Geoffrey Chaucer hath a flamewar!

Chaucer Gower Flamewar Geoffrey Chaucer hath a flamewar as if you couldn't read the headline.

The boy knows how to get hits: I, myself, picked up a stalker on Perez Hilton's site this week and gained an extra 25% overnight!

On the other hand, fighting with dead people surely can't be as useful as live ones.

Everyone knows zombies don't use the Internet!

They're total Playstation whores!

Here is Gower's arrow; judge for yourselves if it hath drawn blude.

Myn Gentil Gefroi:
Ich am muchel wrothe at thy japes and hostyl wordes, yow seem overe eager to maken me seem a smale and pityeful man.
Whatte hath Ich wroght to maken mine self so displeysing to yow?
Johannes Gowere
ps. my liverie is bettere and ich do notte share it so freelye to harvest the gold of compleat strangeres.

O, pleye the martyr, Mayster Gower. 

May the beste manne winne!

Obey the Hat!

for sale from The Role Playing Game Shop:

http://www.rpgshop.com/product_info.php?products_id=38053

The Cthulhu hat. One size annihilates all.

Cthulhu hat

Manifest Idiocy

Canada America Done Right

The Guardian has been doing a virtual world tour of literature, and recently they featured Canada. In fact, the blog comments, meant to be a roundup of readers' favorite Canadian books, featured James Sherrett's book Up in Ontario(over there in the blogroll), so kudos to him, whatever kudos are. I hope they're chewy and taste like peanut butter fudge dipped in chocolate, but probably it's just a euphemism for a boring plaque and an arrangement of silk flowers or something.

In any case, the editor in charge may have many good points. He/She/It may be a great humanitarian, kind to the elderly, charitable, hospitable, and good with children and animals.

I. Don't. Give. A. Rat's. Ass.

I want the editor disciplined. I want the editor publicly named and shamed. I want the editor to be forced to cover Groundhog Day from Wiarton next year. I want the editor to be compelled at hockeystick-point to read all of Pierre Berton's interminable late-career mumblings. Read through this and see if you can't spot the wee little problem I have with this clueless fucking foreigner:

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/culturevulture/archives/2006/03/21/whither_canada.html

Whither Canada
By Richard Lea/World literature tour

Thanks to you all, the world literature tour is going from strength to strength. After Finland and Poland came the Czech Republic, where alongside the Kundera and the Klima there were recommendations for Bohumil Hrabal, poems by Jaroslav Seifert, plays by Karel Capek and many, many more. There was even time for some strong words on the exclusion of Kafka
Richard was not alone in wanting to "take issue" with the decision,
complaining that we'd become confused between country and language.
Many thanks for all your contributions.

This month we can confidently predict there will be no
such confusion, as with one great leap the world literature tour
crosses the ocean and heads for Canada. Beating off strong challenges from India and Japan, we are heading for the frozen north. With suggestions ranging from Sweden to St Lucia the nominations took an increasingly personal note, with Babak voting for the country of "Tom Stoppard" and a number of anti-Atwood
protests. So much so that I'd like to declare an Atwood amnesty here
and now – any and all of your Atwood suggestions will be gratefully
received.

And don't forget to keep your nominations for next
month's destination coming – after a month up by the Arctic circle
would you all mind if I suggested a little sunshine? Unless there's
anyone else who feels like heading for Stoppard country out there …

Vermont Maple Leaves

Photograph: Toby Talbot/AP

caption: Sweet dreams…Maple leaves in Vermont