Paging all colonic therapists, we have an emergency.

Woman expresses indignation at quote on Starbucks cup

…Printed on the cup was: “Why in moments of crisis do we ask God for strength and help? As cognitive beings, why would we ask something that may well be a figment of our imaginations for guidance? Why not search inside ourselves for the power to overcome? After all, we are strong enough to cause most of the catastrophes we need to endure.”

It is attributed to Bill Schell, a Starbucks customer from London, Ontario, and was included on the cup as part of an effort by the company to collect different viewpoints and spur discussion…

Starbucks spokeswoman Sanja Gould said the collection of thoughts and opinions is a “way to promote open, respectful conversation among a wide variety of individuals. ”

But Incanno said her Starbucks days are over.

“I wouldn’t feel right going back,” she said.

Door, ass, you know how it goes. This is the kind of thing that makes me glad I don’t work at Starbucks anymore. Not that I don’t enjoy interacting with the stupid and hysterical; in fact, I adore it. It’s just that … hmmm, how shall I put this???

Once, during my days as an assistant manager, I happened to have a performance review, and the manager of the time happened to be supportive of me and not particularly supportive of the way the company had decided to look for ways to divest itself of employee #202615, and he knew as well as I did that if I didn’t score “Outstanding” on the interpersonal part of the review, regional office would turf me. So he looked me in the eye and said, “I don’t think we need to discuss this part of the review. Given the difference between what you could say and what you do say, I’m giving you ‘Outstanding,’ on interpersonal skills,” and that, as they say, was that.

See, I actually slightly know the woman who had to play “evenhanded company spokesperson” here, and she’s always been very gracious no matter what the circumstances. That crazed, outraged, apparently-constipated-on-at-least-the-spiritual-level customer had better pray to her God that she encounter only such kind and mannerly spokespeople in the future, because if she ever crosses my path I’ll be bringing out the nukes.

Then again, there’s a reason companies don’t make me their spokesperson, the fucktards.

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