Brad Pitt by Robert Wilson

A still of this video was used (much to the subject’s apparent dismay) as the cover of the December, 2006 Vanity Fair. I think the difference between this and a typical cover shoot is pretty clear, and it’s really very surprising that Pitt didn’t reserve some rights as a condition of posing, but he didn’t and his agent let him pose anyway so I suppose he’s got no legal right to complain. I would, however, say he’s got a moral right to complain: is this on the cover because it’s a great piece of art, or because it’s Brad Fucking Pitt, in soaking wet tighty whities, holding a gun? At least there’s one aspect of this work that’s unambiguous: the commercialization. And I, of course, am adding the Brad Pitt tag to it, not the Robert Wilson one.

Still. Cool. I just wish there were a way that YouTube could display it as it was meant to be: as a continuous loop.

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the dreaded Blue Screen of Cthulhu

Whenever you see this, the unspeakable Blue Screen of Cthulhu, be sure to place an immediate call to Yog Sysop.

Blue Screen of Cthulhu!

Fortunately, there’s a way to protect your vulnerable computer from infection by rogue shoggoths, atavistic aquatic DNA manifestations, pesky lone wolf journalists, interfering Ivy League professors, and other catastrophic events which interfere with the normal day-to-day operations of your Cthulhu Cultists.

Yes, it’s Shub Niggurath Systemworks:

Shub Niggurath System Works

– AntiVirus to protect your system from infection once Cthulhu has his way with it.

– CrashGuard prevents the Blue Screen Of Cthulhu.

– Cleansweep clears away all those nasty, unwanted system shoggoths.

– Web Services helps with any problems you may have with Yog Sysop.

Comes in yellow sign colored packaging.

What are you waiting for? Get off your f’tagn ass,

and go buy. . .

Shub Niggurath Systemworks 2000

Your system, and your very soul, just mind[sic?] depend on it.

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squid pro quo

squid pro quo. yo

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manifesting the manifesto, part the first

All your base are belong to raincoasterYou may know me. You may know me well. You may only think you know me well.

But I bet you don’t know this:

I’m a manifesto junkie.

It’s true. I’m not ashamed. It’s just a healthy, natural enthusiasm and nothing at which to look askance or akimbo. Manifestos are compelling. They’re energetic. They’re Manifestificent: they’ve got a bit of the word “festival” right there in their netherfesto-region.

How can you resist?

Late at night, presuming I’m not up blogging, I lie in bed and wonder if the Fascists had had a Manifesto half as good as the Communist Manifesto, where would my politics be right now?

Of course, if I were a Fascist I could just roll over in bed and ask my chauffeur.

In any case, there comes a time when there’s nothing in the world that will fill the aching hole within like a good Manifesto. When the rest of the world turns to mood-altering chemicals, inappropriate sexual liasons, and old movies, I turn instead to Manifestos.

My mother would be so proud; thirty years after grade school and I’m still a drudge.

Actually, my mother told me to loosen up and you may judge the extent to which I have succeeded by the rest of this blog. Start with “Beaver Shots” and end with “Daniel Radcliffe nekkid“.

In any case, I was staggering around the web in my usual random and time-consuming fashion when I found this. It’s a manifesto for those in the startup phase of a company. As I am hoping to form a company and be in the startup phase rather soon, and as it seems to be actually quite good, and as it seems to happen to actually put its finger on the absolute heart of what makes an investor-corporate relations work, I thought it was worth putting in the ol’ raincoaster blog, and no, I haven’t suddenly gone all Tony Robbins on you. Like I said, I’ve been this freaky all along.

The Secret to Winning at Anything

Begin Manifesto:

  1. Big dreams don’t succeed without support from others.
  2. That support is most often manifested as faith, advice, or money.
  3. There are many ways to get support, but the easiest way is to ask.
  4. When you ask, make sure – more than anything – that you open your eyes.
  5. You want people who support you for the fire in your eyes.
  6. Where you’re at now will change… but that fire will likely endure.
  7. People who support where you’re at today may not be there tomorrow.
  8. But people who support the fire likely will be there forever.
  9. This is the secret of support. But it isn’t a one-way street.
  10. If you take it… if you get it… you must give it using the same criteria.
  11. Whether or not you believe in karma, it’s always better to act as if you do!

End Manifesto

Just because the Manifesto part of their post is over, doesn’t mean your reading assignment is. Read the rest of what they have to say, and veddy interesting reading it is, too. I want to draw your particular attention to points numbers 5, 7, and 8.

This is what Steve Jobs has always had. This is what Hitler had; hmmmm, perhaps not the best example. This is what Joan of Arc and Pierre Trudeau and yes, Tony Robbins and Nelson Mandela and John Dillinger and Thomas Jefferson and Rousseau and Rasputin and Dave Eggers had.

I’ve been poking around the blogosphere for quite some time, and have become aware that the intentionality behind a post has a significant impact on the ultimate fate of that post. I know that when I’ve done things purely to draw traffic, that they have failed. And when I’ve done things purely out of negativity, they have not only failed to meet their goals, but they have failed as actions in and of themselves. I’ve seen it repeatedly and it’s given me a firm belief that the combination of authenticity and passion has a huge, but so far unquantified, role in the success of any endeavor. This manifesto has expressed that as well as anything I’ve ever seen.

But then, as you know, I only read Manifestos, Gawker and Fark.

Does anyone out there have any examples of something that also gets to the heart of this? This is a capitalist document, but we can examine the same phenomenon in politics, in entertainment, in philosophy, in science, or in any other human pursuit. I’m trying to build a Grand Unified Theory of that very fire: so far I’ve connected the idea of Quality from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance; mathematical elegance, from The Divine Proportion, and the philosophical concept of Truth. I think that this kind of passion is also connected, and that, in touching it we are connected to something numinous, which is actually a long way to go from a venture capital-baiting blog post, but there you are.

You go some strange places on the starship raincoaster, particularly under a full moon.

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Special Edition Barbies: Vancouver and the Lower Mainland

I couldn’t be more excited. Not only has Mattel taken the Bratz by the headlights and launched the extra-superglamorous MAC Barbie (read her Vanity Fair interview if you’ve got five minutes and some brain cells to kill), but now they’re micro-marketing, with niche Barbies catering to every geographical demographic in the Lower Mainland. With their inevitable Eastward move, I can hardly wait to see what Hogtown Barbie looks like.

My friend Cassandra passed the following along to me but I have no idea who wrote it, so if you know the source please pass that along and I’ll credit them.

Yaletown Barbie‘Yaletown Barbie’

This princess Barbie is sold only at the Yaletown Choices Market.

She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a designer kitchen.

Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

Coquitlam BarbieCoquitlam Barbie’

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit.

She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.

Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

East Van Barbie‘East Van Barbie ‘

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit.

This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills)

…unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

West Van Barbie‘West Van Barbie’

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.

Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.

Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.

You won’t be able to afford any of them.

Chilliwack Barbie‘Chilliwack Barbie’

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder.

She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set.

She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk.

Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

loft Barbie‘Loft Barbie’

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends.

Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

Maple Ridge Barbie‘Maple Ridge Barbie’

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie’s house.

Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top.

Also available with a mobile home.

kits barbie‘Kitsilano Barbie’

This doll is made of actual tofu.

She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.

She prefers that you call her Willow.

She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Point Breeze Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Surrey Barbie‘Surrey Barbie’

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.

Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass.

Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Whistler Barbie‘Whistler Barbie’

She’s perfect in every way.

We don’t know where Ken is.

Ken is always out a-‘huntin’.

West End BarbieKen‘West End Barbie/Ken’

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on body parts.

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