Will Ferrell’s The Landlord

Say hello to wee Pearl, the meanest landlady in preschool. 

“I want my money, bitch!”

Stolen and posted from YouTube, because you can’t post Funny or Die videos on WordPress.com. See, there IS a downside to inventing new technology. Still, contraband or not, this is the funniest shit you’ll see all day. Sometimes we all need a good laugh.

And I hope that kid has a good therapist!

In case the video gets kilt (again) just watch BathtubYoga‘s landlord video here instead.

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quiz: at what price would you sell out?

This seems awfully low to me. I mean, if the spiders were under some form of anesthesia it’s quite possible I’d eat them just to see what they taste like; that doesn’t mean I come cheap! Besides, it’d take at least twice this just to pay off my creditors at this point, so no, I wouldn’t sell out for this much.

Also, bonus story: GBS was sitting next to some stuffy, titled woman at a dinner party. He hated dinner parties, but he always went, perhaps so he’d have something to complain about, since he did it most entertainingly. Anyhoo, she was boring him silly so he threw out one of those “liven up a party” questions that the social columnists are always suggesting one do, only because it was Shaw, this was what is conventionally known as “a doozie.”

He asked her if she’d sleep with him for three million pounds. She giggled and said she would, ha, ha, and no doubt congratulated herself in her secret heart for the comeback (providing, of course, she was possessed of such an item: the secret heart, that is: which item is, I understand it, not at all common among such people).

Then he asked if she would sleep with him for ten. She replied, “What do you think I am?” 

He responded, of course, “We’ve established that, madam. Now we are negotiating price.”


On Average, You Would Sell Out For


$315,335

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

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quiz: could you be a Phil Spector Juror???

Phil Spector, the King of Wigstock 

This is a big step for us here at the ol’ raincoaster blog: an absolute, 100% original (well, repurposed) quiz, based on the questionnaire used to screen jurors in the selection for the famous Phil Spector murder trial. I typed it up mine own seff, and I couldn’t be prouder of my baby! If only I knew how to fit that picture of his hair in the upload box, I’d be cooking with gas!

You scored as Alternate Juror. Congratulations, you are one hardboiled sumbitch and you have what it takes to be an Alternate Juror. Hell, you’re probably already a celebrity assistant, or if not you will be soon! Wear your best cashmere to court and wait for the offers!

Alternate Juror
80%
NOT Phil Spector Jurist Material
45%
YES! Welcome to the Phil Spector Jury!
32%

Are you Phil Spector jury member material?
created with QuizFarm.com

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MC Nuts vs the Shat: rapping the classics, old skool

I love that the YouTube post for the following says, with a boundless and entirely irrational optimism, “See http://www.utalkmarketing.com for more like this,” almost as if you’d want to. The shrivelled and crusty cockles of one’s heart are bewarméd at their boyish enthusiasm and entirely unjustifiable pride in product. You GO, girlfriends!

How not to rap the classics: with a cheap squirrel costume, rancid moves, a transparent mercenaric desperation to appeal to “yoof,” and an intrusive fake “street” accent, eg the Lake Country‘s tourism campaign’s would-be-viral video of Wordsworth‘s great Romantic poem, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud“.  

Contagious? Like ebola, baby! This thing has infected hard drives all over the world and, in fact, any laptop laid on a table that’s had an electronic device that has played this within the last thirty days is 80% likely to have its circuits liquified, spewing silicon in horrific gushes from every oriface.

Now, watch how it should be done, by that master of subtlety, The Shat!

Honestly, when William. Fucking. Shatner. pulls this off better than you, it’s time to turn in your Norton Anthology.

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Kurt Vonnegut has the first and last words

 Kurt Vonnegut, by Writer's Mugs

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”

The late Kurt Vonnegut quoted by ellagood @ Gawker.

Kurt is in Heaven now…

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