Category Archives: Celebrity

It’s a Wonderful Lohan

Posted on by

My celebrity gossip blogging is catching up to me. I spend so much time reading about Lindsay Lohan‘s latest twelve-stepping breakthrough than I do reading about flaming Swedish assholes or Great Cthulhu. This, obviously, will not do.

But sometimes I do find something of moderate to severe amusement, and such is the following. For those of you who haven’t been reading People at the checkout line, Lindsay Lohan is probably the most talented of the Trainwreck Starlet Cavalcade currently lumbering through Hollywood, and probably the one with the most problems, except of course for Ms. Spears, who is in a class by herself (in so many ways). Lohan‘s father has been in and out of prison for at least a decade for a stunning variety of offences, and her mother is a notorious party cougar. Her sister is being moulded into the next sexpot, despite being 14 years old. And the boys? They’re not so pretty or potentially lucrative, so nobody cares about them.

And then there’s Perez.

Perez Hilton, the world’s most popular blogger (or, to be more specific, the author of the world’s most popular blog; everyone loves to hate Perez) was censored by YouTube yesterday, losing two of his accounts over claims he posted footage of Liza Minelli to which he did not have permission of the copyright holder. This claim appears not to be true, and his account has been reinstated, but he is, quite naturally, rather burnt about the whole experience and not thrilled with YouTube. He therefore went ahead and used a different format for his latest video about the troubled Lohan clan, a format which WP.com forbids us to use here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, but for which we have found a workaround.

We found it on YouTube.


(‘twould be amusing if he asserted copyright and got it deleted, eh?)

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

Kuato, Cunning Linguist

Posted on by

What Would Kuato Do?

Forget slow hands. There’s something the ladies like even better, and if you don’t know what it is, let’s look to Kuato, the veiny, stomach-dwelling Yoda creature from the Schwarzenschlocken meisterpiece that is Total Recall. Let’s face it, when you look like that, you’d better have some hidden talents, and we don’t mean playing the violin.

We mean making music with the humid harmonica.

Yes, the ladies like me, and they dig on my movie star status, but sometimes not all women are impressed by that. You know that singer Shania Twain? I showed her the veins in my tiny squat head and you know? Didn’t impress her. Not much at all.

I’m not the tallest guy in the world. I don’t drive a fast car. But based on the fact that I’m located in a guy’s torso, I know of which I speak. I’m in a perfect place to give a woman pleasure with my tiny gummy mouth and gimpy, rotted hands.

You think I’m joking? Ask me what I’m doing Saturday night. Just ask.

What am I doing Saturday night? Giving some lucky lady head. All of it. My whole head.

So kids, remember. Cunnilingus is cool. Blowjobs are so last semester.

Very indirectly via kstafford (sorry, ladies, I believe he’s taken).

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

The Little Drummer Boy, the Gimungous Drag Queen

Posted on by

I. Can’t. Believe. that I didn’t post this last year. Or the year before. Or, like, ev-ar. But this is, in my opinion, the only acceptable update of that Christmas classic The Little Drummer Boy since Bing and Bowie. It is, ladies and gentlemen and those on whom the good Lord and the rest of us reserve judgement, Ru. Fucking. Paul. and the bounciest choir of angels you’ve ever seen (even if that shepherd totally has white man’s rhythm).

From RuPaul‘s excellent blog, our thought o’ the day:

sometimes i find myself saying ‘where am i’ or ‘how do i know that person’, but more and more it’s becoming very evident that it really doesn’t matter.
all that matters is that we are here together.

Inspired by a slight difference of opinion over at TeenyManolo regarding “The Worst Christmas Songs of All Time” which list is, in my opinion, incomplete without this abomination (NSFdiabetics).

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

DIY of the Day: Clone a Beatle!

Posted on by

John Lennon

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for only $48,000 (plus shipping and handling) you, too, could clone your own morose, heroin-addicted musical icon.

A book enclosing a lock of John Lennon‘s hair has been sold at auction for £24,000.

It was part of a lot of items owned by Betty Glasow, former hairdresser to the Beatles…The inscription in the book reads: “To Betty, Lots of Love and Hair, John Lennon…”

Lennon’s hair had only been expected to fetch between £2,000 and £3,000. By our rough calculations, this would put the value of an entire mop-top at around two million pounds.

“[Glasow] feels that rather than these things being stuck in a drawer with nobody enjoying them, real enthusiasts [could] get their hands on these things.” He conveniently leaves out the bits where Glasow rakes in several thousand pounds and creepy Lennon hair “enthusiasts” get their hands on some Fab Four DNA.

Well, exactly!

Think of the fun you could have messing with a weathered-looking Paul McCartney (“ooooh, who’s the pretty one now, eh melad?“) or a professionally-bereaved Yoko Ono (“Daddy’s back, sweetheart! Didja miss me?“). Not to mention Phil Spector! (“Just coom back to give a deposition, pal! Old Ned says hi, see you soon!“).

Or Mark David Chapman.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

Atene Unleashed!

Posted on by

Yes, it’s another eruption from the unfettered subconscious of the internet’s most inadvertent superhero, Brian Atene. This one is an unused trailer for VH1’s “40 Greatest Internet Superstars,” unused because … well, see for yourself!

(also: what’s up with Defamer? Are they asleep? Are they boycotting this video-downtaking heartbreaker, still hurting from the Great Purge of September?)

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank