Category Archives: Christianity

can I whore it out or what?

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I know what you want, baby. And you want Charo; I am here for you, bitch. We are all about YOU on the ol’ raincoaster blog, despite Gawker‘s attempts to claim we are all about the we me. Perish the thought!

So here’s one from the raincoaster archive (because Charo herself apparently pulled the post of her leading the Macarena on Fantasy Island that I wanted to post), but it bears repeating. Particularly when Chris is making up rules on the fly to ensure I will only return to Gawker after a 3 day commenter death. Gee, if only there were a hyperbolically egotistical parallel I could draw with that…

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happy politically incorrect holiday!

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Louis Farakhan's Christmas Album!

Let no man, woman, child, trannie, or genderless cleric say raincoaster is PC. We are multiculti and equal-opportunity offensive here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, and here’s the proof. This just may be the most offensive Charlie Brown Christmas spoof ever recorded. Even I hesitated to post this one, but it’s just too roll on the floor hilariously offensive to keep to myself. I want all my friends to join me in outraged and barely-suppressed guffaws.

Ladies and gentlemen, be warned. Here it is in all its motherfucking glory: A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa! Do NOT say we didn’t warn you.

“Charlie Brown, of all the motherfuckers on Earth, you da motherfuckingest.”

“Another motherfucking nickel. Whoo, somebody didn’t get their welfare check today!”

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Mr Mojo’s Christmas

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In keeping with the season and with our quiz results, raincoaster presents Jim Morrison singing his uniquely druggy and poetic Christmas carols. And we still think he sucks.

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Cthristmas Ctharols for Cthulhu

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Merry Cthristmas! 

The Carol of the Old Ones:

Performed by The Dagon Tabernacle Choir:
Rebecca Marcotte, Digby Dolmen, J.D. Titan, and Walter Forsythe.

SOPRANO (LEAD) VOCAL

Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here.
They will reclaim all in their name;
Hopes turn to black when they come back.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it’s theirs again

Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom

Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice

Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they’re all around
They will return: mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when they are here

Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars are now right.
Eons have passed: now then at last
Prison walls break, Old Ones awake!
Madness will reign, terror and pain
Woes without end where they extend.
Ignorant fools, mankind now rules
Where they ruled then: it’s theirs again

Stars brightly burning, boiling and churning
Bode a returning season of doom

Scary scary scary scary solstice
Very very very scary solstice

Up from the sea, from underground
Down from the sky, they’re all around.

Fear

Look to the sky, way up on high
There in the night stars now are right)

They will return

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Darth Vader celebrates the season

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 Darth Vader builds his dream. Awwwwww!

No heart is so hardened that it cannot be touched by the magic of Christmas. Ah, Christmas, the season when dreams come true, when magic is everywhere, and when Darth Vader takes time out from empire-building and torturing his enemies to build a dream made of snow.

Ladies and gentlemen, via Fark comes the Darth Vader Happy Holidays Snow Globe:

Me! Wants! Me! Wantssssss!

Dude’s building the Death Star, out of snow!  And he’s all crouching down and shit!  If that isn’t the cutest thing since Admiral Ackbar intentionally synched his “fall back into the chair” motion so his neck would hit his seat’s headrest at the exact moment the Super Star Destroyer crashed into Death Star II at the end of Return of the Jedi, I don’t know what in the hell is.

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