A Love Story for Our Time

Internet Love never works out

Internet Love never works out. Lavalife has a lot to answer for.

Haven’t we all had that experience? The tall, handsome, male charmer online somehow morphs, in between tweeting and meeting, into a stubby, Faces-of-Meth, hermaphroditic, spectrum disorder-having bedwetter. Oh, there may be plenty of fish out there, but YOU try getting one to make conversation over a nice entree.

 

The Booty Call of Cthulhu

The Booty Call of Cthulhu

Kate Gosselin will settle for just ANYONE.

Anybody need a stiff drink after that? Apparently I need a Bloody Mary:


You Are a Bloody Mary


You’re a fairly serious drinker who’s experimented a lot with different drinks.

You know what you like to drink, but you’re not a snob. You’ll drink anything in a pinch. 

You’re a drunk, but you are a stable drunk. You don’t ever let your drinking get out of control.

You’re the one who keeps everyone levelheaded, even if you’ve had the most to drink.

If you don’t feel like a drink but have been inspired to take quite a different kind of action, here’s the “what kind of toilet user are you” quiz that you didn’t know you were waiting for.


Your Toilet Personality is Social


You’ll go anywhere, anytime, with anyone. In fact, you secretly talk on the phone when you’re in your “office.”

For you, going to the bathroom is no big deal. And you going shouldn’t be for anyone else either. 

You don’t mind public restrooms – in fact, you sort of like the energy they bring to the act.

When you’re on the toilet, you consider yourself a bit of a performance artist.

As always, your mileage may vary. And so via natural progression to the celebrity gossip links for today.
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The Pirate Party, me Hearties!

And you should have seen the Swedish Pirate After-Party!

And you should have seen the Swedish Pirate After-Party!

Party on, dudes!

Also: I just thought we needed something other than a video for once on this page. Also also, I’m freaking pissed at YouTube. A video I posted to Gawker.tv yesterday and was working fine today at 11am was “Embedding disabled” by 4pm today. Motherfuckers. In the words of the immortal Jack Burton, sonofabitch must pay. At which point I am tempted to insert a video, but will resist.

Priorities, Priorities!

Cheers!

Cheers!

I’m a big believer in setting appropriate priorities, so instead of spending a thousand hours coming up with original content, I’m sticking up a comic and some gossip links that are overdue from Friday. My priorities for today are Aspirin and fresh air.

On the decline of civility in intra-office memos in the United Kingdom(raincoaster)

Ten carats of PAIN! (Ayyyy)

Betty White Power! (Lolebrity)

Tales of the Cocktail (ManoloFood)

Pete Doherty clean and sober. In related news, temperatures in Hell reached record lows today (AgentBedhead)

Everybody’s pregnant except me (BusyBeeBlogger)

Viiiiiiiiggo! (CeleBitchy)

Say hello to the Butterscotch Colt (CelebDirtyLaundry)

We call that a No-Hawk where I come from (CelebritySmack)

Charo is ageless: it’s official (CityRag)

Usher usher’d offstage (DailyStab)

No, it’s not the PICTURES that got small (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Win Kiefer Sutherland? I’m in! (INeedMyFix)

Sandra Bullock is Quote of the Day (FitFabCeleb)

 

 

The Internet is Closed

Step away from the keyboard

Step away from the keyboard

Maybe everyone should just step away from the keyboard for a day or so. Go for a walk. See friends over brunch. Play with a puppy. Make an appointment for a colonic.

Calvin and Hobbes and a business model I can really get behind

calvin is SO right

calvin is SO right

I’m telling you, if I can figure out a way to get this to pay, I’m gonna be a BAJILLIONAIRE. In the meantime, here’s a short list of some people who could use some swift ass-kickery.

Dear Santa, is it SO much to ask… (raincoaster)

Santa Andy has to put up with some mean drunks on Christmas (Ayyyy)

Julia Child, acolyte of Cthulhu??? (ManoloFood)

Ryan Gosling is into light bondage (Lolebrity)

The War on Christmas tweets (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Aniston has the scent of desperation (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman has cricket balls (BusyBeeBlogger)

Alanis Morissette for Ever (CeleBitchy)

Natalie Portman is packing babeh, off the market (CelebritySmack)

Is EVERYONE pregnant? Please stop her before she breeds (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hottest accessory of 2010: Klingonhead (CityRag)

But would Lady Gaga have broken up the Beatles? (EvilBeet)

KK hits rock bottom and starts digging (FitFabCeleb)

World’s most hated couple makes honest homewreckers of one another(GabbyBabble)

Best Busts of 2010 (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kelly Osbourne goes Full Flamewar (HaveUHeard)

Justin Bieber’s impurity ring (INeedMyFix)

To get your little gold man, get a little man of your own (Movieline)

Richard Chamberlain comes out, Perez whacks him (PerezHilton)

and all I got were slipper socks. AGAIN (PopBytes)

Lily Allen is engaged (PopSugar)

Santa brought the world some JLoHew/AlyMil action (SeriouslyOMG)

Charlie Sheen not dead (WeNewsIt)

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever